A YuGiOh Parody
by Fan of Fan Fic
Summary: New Chapter! Will Mokuba ever recover from the horrors of the closet? Will gramps ever come out of the closet? Will somebody die of pancake poisoning? Will it be Tea? And will Mai reveal just who her soul mate is? Will Tristan and Duke stop fighting...
1. Pharaoh's secret

** Disclaimer: I do NOT own any of the characters in this story. **

(A little note: I may have gotten numerous facts wrong in this story since I have only begun to watch yu-gi-oh. This Story IS meant to be a parody so if you don't like the way I've portrayed your favorite characters then just remember that I love them as much as you do. I just like to poke fun at them. Actually, its a habit of mine. Any story, show or movie I love, I turn it into a parody. Enjoy anyhow. )

The Pharaoh, Tea, Joey, and that guy with the pointy hair all walked together trying to get somewhere they desperately needed to get to so they could have a good old fashioned duel!

"How much longer are we gonna walk?" asked Joey, ever the comic relief.

"Oh Joey!" Laughed that guy with the pointy hair. "Can't you think of anything other than food?"

"food?" Joey was always confused when it came to the lame jokes on this show. Why the hell did food have anything to do with it?

"Yeah." Said that guy. "You know, because your character likes to eat…um…and…you know. Oh, come on Joey, its funny!"

"Stop arguing you two." Said Tea, her job being to tag along and say dumb things. "Can't you see that Pharaoh is suffering from the loss of Yugi?"

Joey raised an eyebrow. "Are you like Pharaoh's personal translator or someth'n Tea?"

"Please," said the Pharaoh, being overly dramatic. "I must be alone for a while."

"Again?" asked that Guy. "But you just needed to be alone 15 minutes ago!"

"Leave him alone!" snapped Tea. "He's been through a trauma!"

"We've all been through a trauma Tea!" Joey snapped back. "At least we're doing something useful! It's called walking!" he said pointing to his legs. "Pointy haired guy shouldn't have to carry Pharaoh all of the way!"

Pharaoh was indeed clinging to pointy haired guy's back, while that Guy struggled to carry him.

"What do you know about how he feels Joey!" Tea was pissed.

"I didn't say that I knew how he felt! But I do know how Pointy haired guy feels, because just incase you haven't noticed, you've been having us do all the work! Pointy haired guy, put him down!"

"I have a name you know…" said Tristan (Aka: Pointy haired guy) grumpily, releasing the pharaoh.

"NOOO!' cried Tea in alarm. But Pharaoh seemed okay and squealed 'weeee…' as he slid to the ground.

"Now I must be alone." He said seriously when he'd gotten up.

"Wait-" cried Tea.

"Just let him go." Said Tristan, putting his hand on her shoulder "He knows what he's doing."

Pharaoh wandered through the desert (yes, they'd been walking in a desert) until he found a meek little shrub. It was hardly enough to hide him from view, but he didn't care. They probably wouldn't notice anyhow. Carefully he reached into his hair, and withdrew a tiny packet with something brown in it. He put a bit on his finger and put it into his mouth, while faking sobbing sounds that his companions would suspect him of making. Ahh, instant relief.

"Pharaoh?"

NO, it was Tea! Couldn't she leave him alone for two seconds? Pharaoh hastily put his fix back into his hair, and bit his lip hard, making tears run down his cheeks. Then he pretended to shudder and got up.

"Oh Pharaoh…" said Tea, rushing up to him. "It wasn't your fault Yugi died. He should've looked before he crossed the street!"

"I just…just feel so responsible!" Pharaoh buried his face into his hands while he violently heaved his shoulders in sync with a particularly large sob.

"Its okay Pharaoh…its okay." She put her hand on his shoulder, and added "is there anything I can do for you?"

"sob could you gasp have Joey carry me?"

"Sure." She smiled. "Now lets head back…and I won't mention anything about your little crying fit."

"Yes Tea." Said pharaoh his voice becoming more normal. He blinked. Teah seemed to be turning different colors somehow…and the sky…the sky was moving. Maybe he'd had a bit too much Heroin? He tried to take a step forward, but fell instead.

There was screaming…a woman…everything was getting cold.

"HAAARRRYYY!" it screamed.

"Wake up!" Somebody was shaking his shoulders. Pharaoh opened one eye. It was Joey.

"There he is." Said Tristan. "Now get up, we've gotta keep walking."

"But…but that voice." Said Pharaoh. "Who was screaming?"

"Nobody." Said Joey. "Sheesh, are you visting other people's visions again?"

Pharaoh flushed deep red. "Er…well…" Lately he'd been doing that a lot. It was the Heroin. Ever since he'd started taking it, he'd been shoving into other people's visions. This one happened to belong to a Harry.

(A/N: If you are somebody from planet earth then you SHOULD know what Harry I'm talking about.)

Dimensions away, Harry Potter fainted to find, not his mothers voice, but monsters and people in the midst of them playing cards. He never told anybody about this, but it sort of ruined it for the HP fans who'd been looking forward to a GOOD vision.

"Get up already!" Joey said. "We've gotta make it to Pegasus's place before sunset!

"Pegasus?" asked Pharaoh in shock.

"Yeah…" said Tristan. "Didn't you know? Tea! You didn't tell him?"

It was Tea's turn to flush. "Oops…" she muttered.

"What?" asked Pharaoh. "What is going on? Tell me at once or I shall have you whipped and set out for the lions-"

"Ewww! Pharaoh!" said Tea. "You can't do that anyhow. You aren't the pharaoh anymore, remember?"

No he didn't remember.

"Do it or I shall call upon the seal of oricalkose!"

"No!" said Tristan.

"Buddy, you can't do this!" said Joey.

"Haha!" Pharaoh laughed evilly. "But I shall. I am the greatest duelest in the world Joey! I call upon the SEAL OF ORICALKOSE!"

Joey gasped. "Go you two! I'll handle him!" Joey said bravely, activating his own card playing…er…arm thingy.

"No Joey!" screamed Tea. "He's too strong!"

"Stay outta this Tea! This is between me and Yami!"

"Don't be ridiculous!" shouted Tristan. "Yami, you wouldn't do this to your own friend would you? Besides, we've already agreed to tell you about Pegasus! So stop being an idiot."

The pharaoh's eyes stopped blazing, and he put his cards away.

"Yes." He said. "I am sorry Joey." Joey nodded, but backed away nonetheless.

"What is up with you?" asked Tristan. "You've been acting really weird ever since Yugi died, I mean come on! He wasn't that great of a character. In fact, I'd say he kind of lame…really needy…"

"You're right." Said the Pharaoh very formally, "Yugi was a jerk! A real knee biter. Now stop lingering on the finer points and tell me about Pegasus!"

"Well, we're going to Pegasus's winter house." Said Tea.

Pharaoh waited for her to say more, and when it didn't come he asked "Are we going for any particular reason?"

"No." Joey shrugged. "Its just what the author's making us do, because she thinks Pegasus is funny."

In the distance the author is heard laughing uncontrollably. Who'd name their kid Pegasus anyhow?

"so…we're just going then?" asked the Pharaoh.

"Yup." The others nodded.

"Oh…okay." He replied, and they all began to walk (Joey still had to carry Pharaoh.)

"Well, this is it." Said Tristan as they walked up to a huge mansion a few hours later. "Its so…so…"

"Purple." Finished Tea.

"Yeah." Said Joey. "I guess we'd better go say hello to our old friend huh."

"Yes." Said Pharaoh, because he liked to say yes a lot. The four of them walked up to the purple door and knocked.

"Hellooo?" came the voice of Pegasus as he came rushing to the door. When he opened it he smiled and then scowled when he realized who it was. "You!' he said coldly. "Why the hell did you kids come to my loverly winter house!"

"What a warm welcome." Said the Pharaoh trying to sound witty. However, the remark came out all wrong and sounded rather pathetic.

"I see you brought your very little pharaoh friend." Pegasus sneered. The pharaoh blushed.

"I'm not little!" he mumbled. "I'm 4'5! That's a perfectly admirable height!"

"For a hobbit maybe." Said Pegasus. "Well you are not welcome here, so toodles my annoying little friends. May bad fortune meet you on your journey!"

"Wait!" said Joey before Pegasus had fully slammed the door in their faces. "Do you think we wanted to come here? Our author MADE us come here, and you don't have a choice in the matter! Now I suggest you let us in before you make her angry!"

In the distance the author is STILL heard laughing uncontrollably.

"Ugg!" said Pegasus with disgust. "Well, if you must then you may stay on the south side of the mansion. But don't let me see you do anything wrong or all hell WILL break loose!"

Pharaoh made the mistake of saying "Ha!" after Pegasus had spoken. Well, could you really blame him? The Pharaoh was the only one who was powerful enough to make all hell break loose. Tut tut, if he had only known it was just an expression.

"And what do YOU find so amusing Frodo?" asked Pegasus, crossing his arms.

"FRODO!" gasped Yami. "why that's a hobbit name! How dare you!" Before anybody could stop him, the fierce little Pharaoh leapt towards Pegasus and began to strangle him.

"PHARAOH!" yelled Joey, Tristan and Tea together, each rushing to try and pry Yami's fingers off of Pegasus's throat. When they had accomplished this, they dragged the disgruntled Pharaoh down the front steps and Joey, being somewhat bigger, sat on top of him so that he couldn't get up and try to kill his opponent.

"Get off of me you fool!" said Yami, digging his nails into Joey's side. Joey yelped and got up.

Pegasus was laughing. "Quite a show Pharaoh. I thought you were above street fighting, in fact I was under the impression that you dueled others to settle your differences."

"He does!" said Tea, and stupidly added "and he'll duel you as well!"

"Tea, no!" Scolded Tristan, but it was too late.

"Your offer is accepted." Said Pegasus. "We'll meet here tomorrow morning. Ta."

"But, where will we sleep?" asked Tea. Pegasus laughed.

"Why, you should have thought of that before you had your pet monkey attack me." With that said, he shut the door.

"Nice going Pharaoh!" muttered Joey.

(A/N: alright, well as you can see I'm not an expert on Yu-gi-oh. I just got sucked into it about a month ago and now I'm hooked. I know very little about Pegasus, and most of what I do know comes from other fan fics. I'm sure you're wondering if I have another fanfic explaining why I killed off Yugi. Well I don't. Yugi annoyed me so I made him 'kick the bucket.' Please review, but be nice. And can anybody tell me how Pharaoh and Yugi came to share the same body? Thanks. )


	2. The very exciting duel!

**Before we begin I'd like to point out that I own non of the characters seen below. I'd also like to thank the wonderful reviewers and my sisters (who helped write this story) as well! Here's the next chapter!**

"Yawn" yawned Joey the next morning "what's the time?"

Pharaoh and company had managed to find some dirt patches to sleep on, and they had awoken feeling very cold and stiff and hungry,

"Oh Joey!" said Tea "the last thing any of us wants to do is eat!"

Everyone glared at her except Pharaoh,

"Tea's right" he said, always the one to agree with her, even if he really was hungry, it wasn't worth listening to one of her damned friendship speeches for. "What we need to do now is find Pegasus"

"I believe you've already found him" came the familiarly feminine voice of Pegasus. "You're late, we were supposed to be dueling a half hour ago"

"Joey!" scolded Tristan. "weren't you supposed to have the alarm set?"

"Er…" Joey said "I kinda lost my watch guys."

"No matter." Said Pegasus. "Why don't we just get started."

Pharaoh groaned as he got up. He activated his er…card playing arm thingy and took out his deck of cards. "Well, lets get this over with." He said, as if he already knew he was going to win.

He didn't.

(A/N: Haha! And I bet you guys thought we were going to have an exciting duel scene.)

"Poor Pharaoh." Said Tea. His 'sobs' could be heard from behind a bush…and also the sound of…snorting? "Wow he must be really upset."

Tristan rolled his eyes. "Yeah, if he's doing two different drugs at once!"

This WAS after all pretty obvious.

"Huh?" Joey and Tea whipped around. "What do you mean?" they asked cluelessly. Tristan could only give them an exasperated look before he turned and began to hit his head repeatedly against a cactus.

"What was that all about?" asked Tea. Joey shrugged.

"If you ask me I think Tristan might be high." He replied.

"Oh Joey!" giggled Tea. "We weren't talking about food!"

"Er…I know." He said.

"Well." said Pharaoh, coming out from behind the bush as he dusted white stuff off of his coat. "I am finished uh…mourning,"

Tea noticed that his hair seemed to be particularly bulgy. Was it possible that he was storing old photos and memorabilia of Yugi in there? Suddenly tears welled up in her eyes. It was so touching!

"Hey there Pharaoh." Said Joey, "Well we'd better hurry over to ihops. You're buying."

"What?" asked Pharaoh dazedly. "oh right…I hop…" he began to jump up and down.

The looks that the other three gave him can only be described as Oo. With added question marks. Tristan began to hit his head again.

"mmmm" said Joey "food"

The others said nothing

"I said MMMMMM FOOD" he said again raising his voice

No one said anything, Joey joined Tristan at the cactus.

"Well I guess this was all pretty pointless" said Tea, stating the obvious

"Yes" said Pharaoh "but what do we do now?"

"I GOT IT!" said Tristan who had stopped bumping his head "since we couldn't stay at Pegasus's winter house, lets go bug Kaiba!"

Well everyone thought that this idea was just spiffy, so they hopped on a plane to go annoy Kaiba.

They were successful.

"For the last time, what do you think you're doing here?" asked a furious Seto, he had been looking forward to a peaceful cup of coffee, and a nice magazine article to read this morning, and instead when he had come to his door expecting to see the mail man, he had found himself face to face with these four brats.

The four "brats" shuffled uncomfortably, they had no idea why they were here, finally Pharaoh stepped up.

uh oh thought Tea he had that look on his face that meant he was about to say something really stupid.

"We followed the heart of the cards!" said Pharaoh dramatically "and they led us here and told us that you should let us use your indoor swimming pool!"

Tristan started knocking his head against the wall.

"Cute" said Kaiba, unfazed, "Now, would you prefer to let yourself out or do you require guards?"

The four Yu-gi-oh team of annoyance which lacked the yugi in yu-gi-oh all exchanged confused glances. "Actually," Said Tea, shrugging innocently "I was thinking that we've been through an awful lot together and that a visit from us would be exactly the sort of thing you've been waiting for. After all, You, Pharaoh and Joey are the legendary duelers and that kind of thing leaves you three irreversibly obligated to socialize with one and other. And why wouldn't you want to? I think it'd be perfectly delightful if-"

"Shut up," Kaiba snapped, covering his ears and groaning "The horror, THE HORROR!"

"Do not tell her to shut up!" Pharaoh said, moving to take out his card dueley thingy, "I challenge you to d-d-d-d-d-du-du-"

"Wait!" Joey exclaimed, "No Pharaoh, this punk isn't worth our time. Besides I didn't want to swim in his pool THAT bad,"

The entire group (excluding joey) burst into tacky tv show laughter, "Oh Joey!" Kaiba said, a smile spreading across his usually cold featured face, "Where would you be with out food?"

"Uh- starving," Joey replied, "But that's besides the point-"

"Stop with the food already!" Tristan said, rolling his eyes, "Honestly Joey, If it weren't for us you'd have no self control!"

"Tristan is right Joey," Said Pharaoh, "You are looking a bit chunky, what we need is for the artists to draw in a slightly more anorexic body, what do you say?"

Joey growled, where were the morals on this children's television show? "The only thing chunky here is your hair, Desert Boy! All I wanted to do was swim in a swimming pool that could turn into a dueling court at the touch of a button-"

"Actually its voice operated," Kaiba said unhelpfully.

"What ever!" Joey said, "My point is that I didn't say noth'n about food!"

Again there were more laughs from a can and Joeys point had not been made.

Tea patted Joey's shoulder and said "Good old Joey, always good for a laugh! Don't worry, I don't think you're chunky-you are how the animators made you! You should be proud, even if you do have to shop at Anime big and tall."

Suddenly pharaoh shot up, "I have to be alone" he said, and went to a corner to turn his back to them. They could hear snorting sounds which Tea automatically believed to be hearty sniffs.

"It s Yugi," She explained to a very skeptical Kaiba, "Pharaoh blames himself for the death,"

"Well," Kaiba said, uncomfortably. He hated awkward moments. "You guys want lunch?"

"Sure," Said Joey politely.

"No no," Tristan told him, "Pharaoh has you on a strict diet. No eating!"

A little Later Joey sat glaring at the end of the table while everyone but him chewed noisily on their pizza.

"Mmmm!" Tristan grunted loudly, "Pepperoni!"

"I'm back" declared pharaoh

"Good" said Tristan "have some pizza"

"Are you crazy!" asked Pharaoh "I'm trying to keep a three inch waist here, just the thought of me gaining weight would lose viewers, while the thought of Joey being a glutton only serves as comic relief"

The last remark left Joey steaming and the others laughing hysterically.

Kaiba took this moment to turn back into his usual grumpy self "I think it is quite clear that all of you are gluttons" he said, noting the twelve empty pizza boxes. He had been trying to come up with a witty and nasty remark for the last hour.

They all looked at Tea, who blushed and turned away to eat another slice.

Just then Mokuba decided to come out of his room, "gee Seto, what's going on?" he asked in his usual dorky/girly way.

"What's going on?" came a new voice "I'll tell you what's going on CRUCIO!"

Mokuba screamed and fainted.

"What's going on is that a few days ago, that JERK butted into my vision" said a black haired kid with a scar on his forehead, he pointed a finger (and not just any finger) at Pharaoh. "now you must all die!"

Pharaoh gasped, this kid thought he was him! "Wait!" he said "perhaps I can interest you in a game that even you will be able to understand" he activated his card doohickey thing "I challenge you to a duel!" dramatic Yu-Gi-Oh music plays "I play one card face down and end my turn"

Harry Potter took out his wand, after all, what other kind of duel could he mean "AVADA CADAVRA" he shouted

"Ha!" said Pharaoh defiantly, "what you fail to see is that my face down card is the Egyptian sponge, which soaks up all of your forbidden curses!"

"Ha!" said Harry "you clearly made that up!"

"I'm pharaoh" said Pharaoh

"I'm Harry Potter" said Harry Potter. They got into a long conversation about duels and curses.

"Yes, I always use my hogwart's student cardin tricky situations!" laughed Pharaoh.

"Really?" asked Harry, with some interest. "I prefer to use a simple disarming spell if things get tough, though you have to be fast or your opponent will catch on."

"How right you are!" agreed Pharaoh. "Say, would you like to live in this puzzle for a while? Its currently unoccupied!" Harry's smile faded.

"Uh…well,"

"No no." said Pharaoh. "Don't be worried. I do it all the time. Watch!"

And with that the Pharaoh descended into the puzzle. Harry didn't see a difference, besides the fact that Pharaoh's body slumped down onto the floor and, when Harry checked for a pulse-well- it wasn't there.

"Hey! Kid!" Joey said, He wanted a word with this Harry Potter boy.

"I DIDN'T DO IT!" Harry screamed and ran away.

"Well what do you think-" Pharaoh began as he popped back to life. He was somewhat disappointed however when he found that his friend had up and left.

"I didn't do it!" said Joey defensively as everybody gave him an accusing look.

"I…" said Pharaoh, "I must be alone."

Tristan gaped. "Pharaoh? You were just in the corner two minutes ago! That must be some sort of record!"

"Can't a kingly god be alone when he wants to be alone?" snapped Pharaoh.

"But wait!" it was Tea "I'll go with you"

"But…"

"No buts!" she said stubbornly "there's something I have to tell you"

"GASP" secrets "GASP" does Tea have something to do with the death of Yugi?

Find out next Saturday on YU-GI-OH!

Previously on Yu-Gi-Oh, blah, blah, blah, you know the drill, someone said this and another person did that and some guys activated their card playing arm thingies, there your all caught up.

"Tea, what is it you wanted to tell me?" asked Pharaoh, annoyed that he couldn't have his fifteenth daily fix.

"Well" said Tea "I wanted to tell you that I'm not Tea!"

"Then who are you?" demanded Pharaoh.

"I'm her twin sister" said the person who was not Tea, sarcastically, and then unzipped the Tea suit to reveal, GASP,

"Wait" said Pharaoh "you're not her twin sister at all!"

"No!' said Merik sarcastically."You think?"

"Where's the real Tea!" asked Pharaoh, preparing himself to d-d-d-d-d-d-du-du-

"Don't even think about it!" said Merik, stopping the pharaoh before he could even open his mouth. "I'm not here to duel. Besides, if I wanted to take your soul I'd use this shot gun that I carry with me." He withdrew the shot gun and held it in front of pharaoh's face.

"Damn you Marik!" cried Pharaoh angrily. "Why do you have to always come up with the good ideas first!"

"Because I'm a genius, now shut up. I don't want the others to find out my true identity!"

"Then why the hell did you tell me?" asked Pharaoh. "I'm the noble one that's supposed to tell the truth now because I feel guilty about Yugi dieing! Plus I must be a good role model for the kids that watch Yu-gi-oh!"

"Oh shi!" began Merik but was interrupted by Kaiba.

"Pharaoh, Tea, are you two finished mourning now?"

Merik, who was not disguised in his Tea outfit, did not say anything. He was looking perplexed.

"Yes Kaiba, we'll be done in a minute." Said Pharaoh. Kaiba nodded and left.

"Doesn't miss much does he?" asked Merik, again being sarcastic.

"No." said Pharaoh, missing the sarcasm. "No he doesn't, now tell me, why are you here?"

"umm" said Merek and paused, why was he here, one minute he had been reading the daily drag at his house, and the next he had found himself in a Tea suit eating pizza. "Well it doesn't matter since I have decided to blow your brains out, like how Charlie blew out Ethan's guts, BAM, BAM, BAM, and then he just sorta crumpled to the ground! Did you see that episode?"

"Nobody missed it!" said pharaoh overdramatically "Lost is the number one hit television show of the year just behind desperate housewives, if only we had their ratings"

They both sighed knowing that it would never be.

"and we're not even the number one anime show" Pharaoh continued "we're watched just about as much as Pokemon"

They both crinkled their noses in disgust

"God I'm depressed" said Marik

Pharaoh took this time to grab the gun out of Marik's hand "ha!" he said "I have disarmed you! fool !"

But Merek didn't answer, he was looking at his feet frowning

"But I just insulted you" said Pharaoh "now you have to say something back"

"I think I'll just go home" said Merek lugubriously

"Ha! What you have failed to see is-" Pharaoh stopped "that wasn't an insult," he said "that was just you saying something!"

"Yep" said Merek without any real enthusiasm, and started walking away.

"geeze" said Joey "I didn't know that Marik had Bipolar disease, what did you tell him?"

Pharaoh shrugged, nothing as far as he could tell, "wait" he said "what are you doing out here?"

Joey, Tristan, Kaiba, and the real Tea all shrugged, they had been watching for quite some time.

Tea looked at the Tea suit still lying on the ground, "Uh…Pharaoh?" She asked, hesitantly, "Is that a blow up me?"

"It's a Tea suit!" Pharaoh responded, "An evil corrupt suit that has nothing to do with battle cards….oh the horror..." He closed his eyes and shook his head.

"Why do you own a blow up Tea suit?" Joey asked. Everybody looked at him expectantly.

"Didn't any of you see Marik?" He asked. Regardless of the fact that Joey had only just questioned about Marik they all shook their heads.

"Pharaoh," Tea said, "I know that this yugi thing has been hard on you but-maybe you need to see a doctor."

"But he was just here!" Pharaoh said, narrowing his eyes.

"I don't know why you own a blow up me, but I've got to tell you that many fan fic writers out there could come up with quite disturbing reasons. You better be glad that this writer made me have a short memory span so I won't remember a thing about this in 3…2…1- Hey! Is that a blow up me?"

"Yes, it's a blow up Tea suit that- well, never mind. The point is that Joey is hungry!"

Everyone (except for Joey) started laughing.

"But I am Hungry!" Joey argued, "I haven't eaten anything in days now! I just had to endure watching you people gorge yourselves silly with pizza-"

"Pepperoni," Said Tristan, just barely remembering his own lunch.

"Hey!" Tea said "Is that a blow up me?"

"JUST STOP IT WITH THE BLOW UP TEA!" Joey yelled. He took the Tea suit and threw it out a window.

"But I swear that was me in blow up form-" She stopped, looked at her shoes and suddenly exclaimed "Are those shoelaces?"

"Yes," Pharaoh said "They are Tea Shoelaces bought with your good and well earned money from a world wide evil corporation and distributor of cheap goods known as Wal-Mart."

"I'm STARVING!" Joey yelled the loudest that he could yell "I-" He ran to the table where a few slices of pizza were left over, "Am-" He chose a slice "Going to-" He grabbed the other slices slammed them into his mouth all at once and exclaimed in a thick hard to interpret voice "EAT!" He had somehow gotten on top of the table and was standing a triumphant "I just crammed five pieces of pizza into my mouth at once" pose. Which was a mix of a dueling stance and that of someone in need of the heimleck maneuver.

"Chew with your mouth closed!" Tea said indignantly. Kaiba and Tristan all merely gaped. Pharaoh joined Tea with shouting out proper eating habits and all in all it was not what one would call a boring afternoon. It got quieter after Joey had been admitted from the emergency room and everybody was ready to d-d-d-well, not really duel, they were all ready to go and crash at Kaiba's place.

**(A/N: Well, what did you think of this chapter? Its only going to get more random as we go on so prepare yourself, and please RR!)**


	3. Randomness, and MORE randomness!

**Hullo, hullo! Look its another exciting chapter to an amazingly stupid fic! Yay! (Readers all politely cough, but say nothing.) Okay, well out of the entire story I'd have to sayd this is the most random chapter. If you know absolutely nothing about any of the following stories; Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, and LOST, then this will really confuse you. Just as a note, before you start reading, Ethan is a bad guy who tried to kill Charlie (in LOST) and Charlie shot him. I'll just assume that you know a enough about Lord of the Rings, and if you need help with Harry Potter then you are a sad person… or a very wise person (Good for you for not following the crowd!)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of it… **

"Lemonade anyone?" asked Kaiba, for some strange reason he was wearing a pink apron and had been making cookies.

"I think I preferred him when he was grumpy" Tristan whispered to Joey.

"Me too" said Tea overhearing them "let's see what's on TV" she clicked the remote.

"It's Manga Eye for the Anime Guy!" said the TV "The Fab Four of Yu-Gi-Oh!"

"Hey" said Joey "that's Alistir!"

"And that's Pegasus!" said Pharaoh

"And Dartz!" said Tea

"And…" They all looked in disbelief "Yugi!"

"didn't you know?" asked Kaiba, who had finally taken the apron off and was now wearing a white coat "he's the newest member of the fab four"

The others could only shake their heads in disbelief.

"I need to be alone-" began the pharaoh but was cut off by Tristan.

"Oh no you don't!" He said, pulling the tiny pharaoh away from the corner. "Your druggy days are over!"

"But-" said Pharaoh, reaching for his bulging hair. "You can't do that! I'm the mighty Pharaoh! I RULE ALL!" His purple eyes blazed with anger.

"And I'm taller than you! So sit down! We're all going watch this show, and then we're going to get make overs, and THEN we're going to go find Yugi!"

"Yay!" squealed Tea. "And we're gonna do it because we're all friends!" She ran to the Pharaoh and gave him a big hug. Then she hugged Tristan, Joey, herself and then Kaiba. In truth, Kaiba tried his hardest to get away, he even tried to throw himself over a cliff, but as he soon found, Tea was not easily disracted from her hugging duties.

Kaiba wretched as Tea finally caught up with him and gave him a big hug.

"Now lets find Yugi!" she shrieked delightedly, unknowingly running for the cliff and-

They all heard a 'crack' as something hit the bottom of the canyon below.

"Now" said Pharaoh "I must mourn Tea's death"

"I'm not quite dead!" came the voice of Tea from the bottom of the cliff

"Then, I must mourn her fall, that** killed **her" said Pharaoh expectantly

"I think I can make it"

"well, let's just go shall we?"

Well everyone thought that this idea was just dandy, so they left Tea at the bottom of the cliff.

"hello?" …and that was the last anyone ever heard from Tea again…JUST KIDDING! That would be too happy, and, as you know, Happy things don't happen often on Yu-Gi-Oh! Somehow Tea managed to climb back up the steep wall of the cliff and, even though she was hours behind her traveling team, managed to catch up with them. When she found them they all appeared to have discovered Pharaoh's stash and were playing 'I never'.

"I never wore a purple coat!" Pharaoh said, as an excuse to take a swig of Captain Morgan. Kaiba drank as well and so did Yugi- who had appeared out of nowhere when he'd heard of Tea's 'unfortunate' accident.

'Unfortunately' for Yugi, the joke was on him. Tea gave a hoarse squeal as she appeared mangled and injured onto their scene.

"Yugi!" She said through chipped teeth, "I missed you soooo much!" She ran over to give him a bloody hug, one armed because the other was missing.

"Whoa Tea!" Yugi said, backing away, "You don't look too good!"

"HAHA!" Tristan laughed drunkenly as he pointed at Tea "Your missing half of your face!"

Tea's good side of her face blushed, "What about those make-overs we were going to give each other?"

Everybody thought this was a spiffy idea and Yugi offered to do the facials (Which melted the rest of Tea's face off). Pharaoh did the eye liner and mascara which he already wore rather liberal amounts of and Joey brought the food.

Tristan made the mistake of taking a nap, and when he woke up he couldn't help noticing that everyone started giggling when they looked at him. Then he noticed that something was different, he felt his head.

"I've never played this game before" said Joey, and took a swig of rum.

Everyone else was about to follow suit when a very angry and hung-over Tristan came stumbling into the room "Okay, who did it! Who shaved my unicorn doo!"

The others fell to the floor laughing, and Tristan stormed out.

He sat outside of wherever they were and thought about all the good times he and his hairdo had shared.

Yugi joined him "gee Tristan, cheer up, I used to have a unicorn doo, and then some friends shaved it off, with any luck you'll turn out just like me.

Tristan looked at Yugi "NOOOOOOOOOO" he screamed "WHY GOD, WHY! OUCH!"

Pharaoh had come over and whipped him "I'm the only god you bow down to!" he said "and Yugi! Get back into the puzzle where you belong!"

"Yes master." Said Yugi humbly, and disappeared inside of the puzzle.

Pharaoh glared at Tristan.

"What?" asked Tristan, still moping.

"You have not bowed down to me yet, and your hairdo offends me." He then turned and left.

"Harsh." Said Mokuba, coming out of the house. "But don't worry. I still like you, because like Tea, I believe in friendship!"

Tristan rolled his eyes. He would've started to hit his head against a cactus again, but he felt that without his hair it just wouldn't be the same.

"I think all you need is a hug!" said Tea "and then you won't be such a gwumpy guss"

Tristan stared at the now rotting mass of Tea flesh coming towards him and screamed

"Stay away!" he said "I think you should go to the hospital before you get infected"

"But I don't want to" said Tea stubbornly

"Tea's right!" said Pharaoh. "No matter how disgusting she looks, we cannot bring her to the hospital"

"But why?" asked Joey

"Too expensive" the pharaoh explained "no Tea is worth any amount of my money"

Everyone else nodded in agreement.

"Yugi? YUUUUUGIIIIIII?" one of the Mario brothers came stumbling into the room.

"Hey it's Luigi!" said Joey

"No" said Tea "that's just Yugi's grandpa"

Yugi's grandpa gasped as he saw Tea "what is that thing?" he asked and started backing away before he stumbled and fell to the ground, breaking his back and three ribs.

"Ha!" said Pharaoh "your not one of the Mario brothers at all! You're just a decrepit old coot!

"yugi?"

"Stupid fool!" said Pharaoh "I ought to whip you-"CRACK

A staff fell on Pharaoh's head "fool of a Pharaoh!"

Everyone gasped as a taller and wiser decrepit old man appeared from behind Pharaoh's unconscious body. "Who are you?" Yugi asked, coming out of the puzzle because he was the one who asked stupid questions. The old geezer raised a long white eyebrow and shrugged off his gray cloak to reveal shimmering, luminescent, white, billowing robes. He removed his tattered hat and than looked upon the startled Anime' once again. "Spark any memories?" He asked.

They all shook their heads slowly. "Oh honestly," The stranger huffed grumpily, " Don't any of you keep up with pop culture these days? I'm Mithrandir, Storm crow, Gandalf Grayham if that does anything for you. I am currently reviving a fellowship that I had many years back for a new quest that is wreaking havoc on all planes of existence. The power behind this great destruction is known as Sauron, he once took form in a giant eye wreathed in flame-"

"The leviathan!" Yugi gasped.

"Uh no." Gandalf said, "No, I don't think so. We got rid of Sauron a ways back with my fellowship but now some of his old followers that weren't sucked into the ground and back to the evil from whence they came are taking their revenge."

"Big time!" Came a voice from behind him. The yu-gi-oh characters faces grew dumber as a large group of characters from various books, movies and shows appeared from behind Gandalf. The new speaker had a southern accent and a sly grin. "Sawyer," He said, introducing himself to the Anime onlookers.

Pharaoh woke up and shoved Yugi back into his puzzle. To an uneducated eye it would appear that Yugi had just doubled in height. "SAWYER!" Pharaoh said, and bowed graciously, "From LOST! I am honored to be in your presence,"

"And what- the wizard who helped save middle earth gets a glance at the most?" Gandalf asked indignantly.

"You hit me," Pharaoh said icily, "Is Harry Potter here? I wish to ask him why he didn't try out the puzzle."

"Oi!" A red headed adolescent answered him, "Harry said you were a creep and we're not letting some crack headed anime' pharaoh shove him into a toy!"

A bushy haired girl pushed the red headed boy aside "Oh Ron, shut up! Can't you see we're in the presence of an Egyptian king?"

"You ALL better shut up because I haven't understood a thing said so far!" Joey yelled.

Immediately everyone burst into laughter.

"This guy's got himself an appetite," Sawyer laughed. Everyone nodded.

"I've seen greedier," Gandalf mused, "You haven't seen a glutton until you've watched a hobbit eat…"

"I resent that!" Said a guy who was shorter than Yugi, He was only about three and a half feet tall and he had dark curly hair and large, bare, hairy feet.

"Frodo!" Gandalf said, rolling his eyes, " Get in the back of the crowd and pretend that you don't exist until its time for us to risk your life."

"Give him a moment for pities sake!" Said a tall Gondorian (If you haven't seen Lord of the Rings you'll be confused…what? You think I'm gonna make it easier for you?). A man from behind that one with dark long hair, grey eyes and dirty hands put a hand on the gondorian's shoulder. "Calm down Boromir," The mysterious stranger said, "There is much to learn of Mithrandir's thoughts."

"Hey," Said Pharaoh, "That Mysterious stranger looks kingly…and I don't know why!"

"I am Aragorn, son of Arathorn and heir to Isildur's throne." The Mysterious Stranger said, "And I would like you to meet my new friend Ethan, he says he's King of the Lost Island."

The Lost cast all attacked Ethan before he could shake hands with Pharaoh. Mean while Charlie from Lost and Merry from Lord of the Rings were avoiding each other's glances.

At the sight of Ethan Charlie picked up a gun and shot him twenty-five times in the chest. BAM, BAM, BAM etc… and then he just sorta crumpled. (A/N that was brilliant! Everyone applaud Charlie!)

"Stop, stop, STOP!" cried Pharaoh, disappointed that all of this attention was being given to people other than himself. "I'm going to press this button that just appeared out of nowhere and zap you all into oblivion" ZAP everyone who wasn't from yu-gi-oh disappeared, except Ethan who stood up.

"Hey" he said "is that one of the Mario brothers?"

"No" said Pharaoh "that's just Gramps." uh oh, Yugi was trying to communicate. "No" said Pharaoh "and stop talki-"

"HELP! The Pharaoh trapped me in a puzz-"

"no he didn't you little-"

"save me!-"

"I'm warning you, I'm gonna throw you off a cliff the next time I see one!-"

"Bring me that Mario Brother or I will kill one of them!" Said Ethan, ignoring the odd dispute the Yami and the Yugi were having.

"Stop it! –" Commanded the pharaoh.

"HELP-" Yugi screamed.

"STOP IT-"

" HELP!"

"And then the next night I'll kill another one" Ethan continued, undaunted.

"Yugi this has gone far enough-" Said Pharaoh, still ignoring Ethan.

" Let me out!"

"And another and another and another and-"Ethan went on.

"I'll do anything just let me out you-"

"And I'll kill you last" Everyone stopped and looked at Ethan, even Pharaoh and Yugi.

"Wow" said Joey "that's harsh, even for an evil guy"

"I think all you need is a hug!" said the smelly rotten mass of flesh that used to be Tea.

Ethan screamed and ran away.

"That was weird…" Said Joey, "I didn't realize this fic was going to be so…so random."

"Yeah" said Tea, and as she said this her feet started crumbling.

"Finally!" said Pharaoh. "I was beginning to wonder if she would ever kick the bucket!"

"Eek!" she squealed. "Pharaoh, Joey, Tristan! Save me!"

"Ha!" laughed Pharaoh. "Now you will die!"

"I'm Melting, mmeellltttiiinnngg" Tea wailed and started to decompose right there on the carpet. (A/N isn't that a great visual? Any who, back to the story.)

When everybody had gotten tired of watching Tea die, they decided that this would be the perfect time to get rid of yugi as well who, as we all know, was supposed to be dead anyhow.

"Ahhhh! No don't do it!" Said Yugi, pleading with his friends. But it was too late

"right" said Pharaoh "Tea, Get me my sword"

"Uh, Pharaoh" said Tristan "Tea just died, and I don't think you have a sword"

"What do you mean Tea's dead?" asked Pharaoh "who killed her?"

"She fell off a cliff, Remember?" said Joey, bewildered.

"Does this mean I get to live?" Asked Yugi hopefully.

"Hell no!" said the Pharaoh. "It just means I'll have to come up with another way to kill you. Hmm, lets think here." He said, sitting down on a rock and rubbing his chin. "Well, I can't kill you by sword…and using this gun I stole from Marik would be impossible…"

"Why…exactly?" asked Yugi, getting very confused.

"Yugi!" The pharaoh said, as if horrified by the thought, "Have you ever, in any of the Yu-Gi-Oh episodes, seen me use a gun?"

"No…" Said Yugi, though he was still confused.

"Right, so how do we know that my character is capable of handling a gun?"

"Oh come on!" said Joey, grabbing the gun. "Its not that hard!" With that he aimed at Yugi and fired. The bullet whizzed right through Yugi, and hit Mokuba instead.

"Seto!" cried Mokuba, falling to the ground. "Help… me…"

"Hold on a second!" snapped Kaiba irritably. "Can't you see I'm busy right now? Brothers!" Actually, Seto Kaiba was not busy. He was just waiting to see Yugi die.

"But…I thought being brothers meant the world to you Seto…" Mokuba said weakly.

"Yes, go ahead. Here's fifteen hundred dollars," Said Seto absent mindedly handing him a wad of cash.

"Are you listening Seto?" Mokuba's voice was growing fainter. "I…I love you bro…" With that he died.

"Oh stop being dramatic!" kaiba snapped at his dead brother. "Sheesh, one of these days he's actually going to be in trouble and nobody will care. Hey Mokuba! Have you ever heard of the boy who cried wolf? Huh?"

Of course, there was no answer.

Kaiba huffed all big brother like and continued to watch Yugi die…

Tristan had made popcorn and was chewing noisily.

"Can I have some?" asked Joey.

Tristan growled and turned away to down the rest of it in a single gulp. "Honestly Joey!" he said "you are such a pig!"

Joey resisted the urge to kick Tristan and turned his attention to Yugi…who had NOT died yet, but who was supposed to be dead. (does this make any sense at all?)

"I didn't die!" said Yugi gratefully, always stating the obvious. The Pharaoh scowled. There was only one way to settle a death like this, and that was to DUEL!

"Yugi!" he shouted. "I challenge you to a duel!"

"Gasp" Yugi gasped, he squinted his eyes "Fine, have it your way! I play The Seal of Oricalkose!..." To be continued…..


	4. Killing sprees and an Aussie

**Disclaimer: The only thing I own in this story is...is, nevermind. I don't own any of it... except the randomness. the randomness is MINE! Bwa ha ha ha ha!**

**Also, I thank everyone for their reviews. They encourage me and my sisters to write more to this fic. whether that's a good thing or not is something you must decide for yourself... but we still enjoy all reviews, even the flames. Please try to enjoy the next chapter, and do not hold us accountable if you happen to faint from the utter stupidity. **

(Yu-Gi-Oh music plays and everyone sees short images of Yugi and Pharaoh, then people see The bad guys, then they see close ups of all the Main characters. ON WITH THE AMAZINGLY STUPID STORY!)

"Wait!" said Pharaoh. "It wasn't your turn! It was mine…but I was gonna play the same thing so carry on."

"Right," said Yugi. "Now I will play one card face down and end my turn."

"Well that was the lamest play I've ever seen!" scoffed Pharaoh, "You must have some evil monster in there…or maybe a dragon? Uggg! I play you pikachu!"

"WTF!" cried Joey. "Pharaoh! Pikachu isn't part of this show!"

"It is now Tubby!" Said Pharaoh turning angrily towards Joey. "And quit talking about the food. You just ate!"

"But I- hey! I didn't say anything about food!" Joey said, his face turning red. This time nobody laughed, they seemed a bit tired of the repeated joke.

"I play my obnoxious Celtic guardian!" said Yugi "then I play the trap card pica-gone, which gets rid of any monsters that are not from this show! Celtic Guardian, Attack Pharaoh's life points directly!"

"I think not" said Pharaoh "my face down card is The Seal of Oricalkose!"

"What?" asked Yugi "but you never even played a card face down, it doesn't make any sense."

"It does to me!" said Pharaoh, "now I play Tomias!"

_There's only one card that can save me now _thought Yugi, he picked up a card "I trust in the heart of the cards" he whispered. He looked at the card "gasp" unfortunately for Yugi, the heart of the cards had gone on vacation, leaving the duel to fate, which had in turn left for a dentist appointment leaving his future to luck, which had simply said screw this, and left.

"Tomias!" said Pharaoh "attack Yugi's life points directly!"

Tomias started towards Yugi, but on the way over he had a heart attack and died.

"Stupid dragon" mumbled Pharaoh "I told you not to eat so many Krispy Kremes!"

"Phew…" sighed Yugi. His card had been a three of hearts, the most useless card in existence. He actually wasn't quite sure HOW it had gotten in there… "Yami…can't we just call it a draw and let me live?"

"NEVER!" said Pharaoh. "I play my card of INSTANT DEATH!" Yugi gasped (for the millionth time that day).

"Not instant death!" he said, falling to his knees. "Anything but instant death- wait a minute…" he said, giving Pharaoh a suspicious glare. "I've never heard of that card before…"

"Ummm…er…" Began Pharaoh. "Well, it's a real card so die already!"

"Oh." Said Yugi, "Well in that case…X.x" With that Yugi fell over.

(A/N: X.x means Yugi's dead.)

Kaiba cheered loudly. Finally Yugi had died, and it was about time too! How many times had the heart of the cards protected that brat? Far too many in his opinion. Now what was that that Mokuba had been asking him earlier?

"Mokuba?" he asked, looking at his brother who was lying in a bloody heap. "What were you saying before? I'm sorry, I'm just not a good brother…" _Great!_ He thought, this guilt trick worked every time. Now Mokuba would say 'no Seto, you're the best.' The gullible little imp! Ha, Seto wasn't a great brother, and he never aspired to be one. If only he'd known how right he was.

"Mokuba? Speak you fat lard! I don't have all day you know!" He poked the limp body with his shoe. "Fine, have it your way! You can sleep outside tonight!" he walked away mumbling something about needing to buy some anti depressants.

Pharaoh looked at the dead Yugi, Tears welled up in his eyes.

"Tristan" he said "I know it wasn't my fault, but I just feel so responsible for his death…"

"I wonder why" said Tristan sarcastically.

"I mean, we were so close…" Tristan rolled his eyes. "And now he's gone for good" Pharaoh turned and looked seriously at Tristan "I'm turning evil Tristan"

Tristan started laughing uncontrollably

"What's so funny about turning evil?" Pharaoh demanded

"It's not what you said" said Tristan between giggles "it's how you said it"

"I'll show you funny!" said Pharaoh, he took out a very sharp looking knife and stabbed Tristan eighty-five times, there wasn't any blood because that would have made the show unfit for children. "Still think I'm funny!" he yelled, and started laughing himself

"Yugi!" cried Joey, "What the hell did you just do?"

"For the last time tubby, I'm not Yugi I'm the Pharaoh!" Shouted the angry hobbit (hehe).

"You killed Tristan! You bastard!" Joey cried, ignoring Pharaoh's failing attempt to correct him about his name.

"He deserved it!" Said Pharaoh. "His new hairdo offended me!"

"Then why did you shave his head?" Asked Joey , getting off subject. "I mean- nevermind! The point is, Tristan is dead because of you! You..you maniac!"

"Are you calling me insane?" asked Pharaoh, squinting his eyes in a menacing fashion.

"Well...no, not exactly..." said Joey, defensively, putting up his hands as if to show Pharaoh's dominance. "All I'm saying is that one of us might need a nap." There was a silence in which Pharaoh seemed to be thinking this through and then…

"That's it! You die!" Said Pharaoh, once again preparing to kill. Being short, he had to jump quite a ways to reach Joey's neck and try to strangle him.

"Sheesh Yug," said Joey, prying the spiky haired dwarf away from him and holding him up like one would with a naughty puppy.

"Its Pharaoh!" The Pharaoh said flustered. Joey ignored him,

"You know, you're causing way too much trouble right now, why are you so angry?" He demanded. Pharaoh looked shamefully at his feet, trying with all his might not to look at Joey. "come on Yug', you can trust me. We're best buds, remember?"

"Oh Joey, this is no time to think about eating," Pharaoh rummaged through his hair and came out empty handed, "I'm all out of illegal substances Joey, this isn't good."

Joey sighed, "Okay Yugi," he said, taking the protesting Pharaoh to a tree and tying him up, "Its time for a time out. You get to go through a painful, horrendous process called detox,"

"No! You can't! I won't do it!" Pharaoh squirmed helplessly while Joey tied him up to the side of a tree. "No, stop it! I don't wanna-" It was too late. The all mighty Pharaoh was bound so tight that he was finding it difficult to breath. "You did that rather fast…" Said Pharaoh, admiring the tight knots. Joey shrugged.

"Mokuba!" Joey and Pharaoh both looked at Kaiba who was now kicking his dead brother. "Get….!" He drew his leg back, "up!" he threw it forward sending Mokuba's limp form flying across the yard.

"Hey Kaiba!" said Joey, abandoning the Pharaoh. "What did ya do to yer brother?"

"Nothing, go away." Said Kaiba Icily.

Well he looks pretty dead to me…" remarked Joey, cocking his head to one side as he studied the blood dripping from Mokuba's gunshot wound.

While Joey was speaking to Kaiba neither of them realized that Valon had just rode over on a motorcycle.

"When I kill wheeler, it'll prove to Mai that I love her" he said to himself, this didn't really make any sense to others, but it did to him. He took out a gun, (dueling was so obsolete), and was about to shoot Joey when he was distracted by a strange sight. Was it his imagination, or was that Yugi tied to a tree.

"Stop" said Pharaoh, who had, unlike the others, seen Valon "Don't shoot".

"And just what are you going to do to me if i do?" asked Valon "Call me names?"

"Yes!" said Pharaoh triumphantly, "I know some pretty mean ones, so I would watch out if I were you!"

"I'm shivering" said Valon "Now who should I kill first? Grumpy or comic relief?"

"But you're not shivering at all." said Pharaoh "Unless, hey! That was sarcasm!" he said angrily.

Valon aimed at Kaiba

"No!" wailed Pharaoh "Not Kaiba, anyone but Seto Kaiba!"

Valon aimed at Joey

"No!" said Pharaoh "Not Joey, anybody but Joey Whee-"

"What the hell do you think your doing!"

Pharaoh gasped; there was a female version of him coming towards them. Valon hurriedly put his gun away

"I thought I told you not to kill them yet!" said Mai

"Anything for you Mai" said Valon dazedly. "You are after all the love of my life-"

"Hey Wheeler," said Mai, ignoring her admirer. Joey turned and gaped. Could it be true? Could his love- er…his very VERY good friend be back? Wait! He was supposed to be mad at her! She'd ruined his life, she'd tried to take his soul!

"I…er…ummm…" he stammered clumsily.

"What's your problem Wheeler?" asked Kaiba, still having not registered that Valon and Mai were there. Mai gave a very sharp whistle, and Kaiba jumped around to face her, which completely ruined his 'I-don't-care-about-anyone' act, and made his hair droop slightly.

"Oh, its you!" he said, running his hand through his hair to get it to stand up properly, and trying to regain his dignity in some small way. "The Geek squad just keeps on growing doesn't it?"

"Shut your mouth!" said Mai, "I'm here to visit Joey Wheeler! Its personal!" Kaiba, who seemed unusually resistant to her "charm" couldn't help but snigger a bit.

"What's so funny!" demanded Mai, getting uncomfortable (Mainly though because Valon wouldn't stop trying to give her his number…and his address, and his eMail address, oh, and his credit card AND…well, the point is he was trying to get her attention.)

"Oh nothing, " said Kaiba "Its just that NO ONE gives me commands atmy own house!"

"Is that so!" said Mai, deliberately taking a step forward to seem commanding. "Well then I guess you've never met Mai Valentine!" (Wait, I know Kaiba's met Mai before, but there are a lot of unexplained things going on in this story...so just play along...)

"Would you like me to kill her Kaiba?" asked Pharaoh eagerly, who was getting ignored far too much for his liking. Unfortunately though, he was to be ignored yet again.

"No I haven't met your Valentine. Who is he?" Asked Kaiba "Another not so secret admirer?" This was directed Mainly at Joey who was still struggling to find his voice.

"That's it!" said Mai angrily "Mai Valentine works alone- wait…you didn't just ask me to join forces with you?" She looked concerned, confused and a bit hurt.

"That's right. Kaiba Corp hardly needs you to join forces with it. In fact it would probably be best if you left right now."

"Never Kaiba!" said Mai. Valon, who finally realized that Kaiba was picking on his girlfriend, jumped up from where he'd been kneeling (ready to propose to Mai).

"Don't you go oppressing her!" he said haughtily to Kaiba, "If you've got a problem with Mai, then I guess you've got a problem with me too! Stand up and fight like a man!"

"Really!" shouted Pharaoh. "I'll kill both of them, in fact I've already planned out their deaths! Valon will die when I release Tomias who will sit on him, and Mai-"

"I…you ruined my life!" said Joey, Tears welling up in his eyes. He was surprised when everybody stopped arguing for a moment to say, in unison, "Oh Joey, where would you be without food?"

"Uh, dead" said Joey "Mai, why did you leave? You broke my heart-"

"Blah, blah, blah" said Kaiba, who had decided that this moment was getting too sappy "let's all calm down before shorty here decides to call us names"

"You'd better watch out" warned Pharaoh

"What is he, your guard dog?" asked Valon snapping out of his trance

"Yes." said Kaiba, ignoring the Pharaoh "At least, he acts like he is"

"But I'm not a canine at all!" said Pharaoh, struggling like hell to get out of his rope prison. "I'm at least half Homosapien, and I look nothing like a dog"

"Come on Mai," said Valon bossily. "Let's go, we don't need these losers."

"Hey you!" said Joey, angrily pointing at Valon. "You're not takin' Mai anywheres! She belongs here with us!"

"Oh shut up Wheeler!" said Mai, Valon and Kaiba together. Joey shut up as he was told, and went to sit next to the Pharaoh, who was panting from his efforts of escapism.

"I'll…They'll…never! Uggg…." The Pharaoh was having a difficult time speaking.

"Calm down." Said Joey, "Its not as if they're leaving any time soon." He put his chin in his hands, and sat there pouting for a bit. Mai and Kaiba continued to argue, while Valon added unnecessary threats and kicked a lot of dirt at Kaiba.

"Stop it! STOP IT!" shouted Pharaoh "I'm going to call you all names if you keep this up, we should all work together to fight against the common enemy"

"Dartz!" said Joey and Kaiba.

"The Pharaoh!" said Valon and Mai

"No!" said Pharaoh "Sauron!"

"Huh?" Joey, Kaiba, Mai, and Valon were all confused.

"Er…I mean, the great Leviathan!"

"But, we're the ones who helped summon it" said Mai "why the hell should we help you destroy it!"

"Come on Mai" said Valon "it could be fun"

"What, but your supposed to be on my side!" said Mai "everyone's against me, no one likes me! I made the mistake of joining a group once, and I wont do it again!" she ran off crying.

"Alright" said Valon "back to business" he took out his gun again "now Frodo, who should I-"

"But you just said that you were going to help us" said Joey, confused

"Well, I was, but now I changed my mind because Mai wouldn't be on my side if I joined forces with you"

"Wow, you really are desperate" said Kaiba. "But since you asked, Joey can go first. The little one is rather helpful some times."

"Righto Chump!" Valon said, cocking his pistol towards Joey, "Any last words?"

"Yeah!" Joey said, everybody groaned as he took out a stack of notes from his pocket.

"Looks like Chubby made himself a grocery list," Kaiba said to Pharaoh.

Joey, ignoring Kaiba's cold and completely incorrect comment, said "I'd like to read this aloud, just so's every body knows that I did have a life. Not a very happy one ever since I met Yugi but oh well." He cleared his throat, "I, Joey Francis Rudolf Jumpy Wheeler II was born some time ago in this here world. I learned, I loved and I lived-"

"-And now you'll die, How sweet." Kaiba said rudely.

"Wait!" Pharaoh exclaimed, "Let Joey finish! This is beautiful!" Pharaoh had a thing for sentimental moments.

Joey continued "Its just that, I never thought it would end this way. I thought I'd live to old age while telling my great, great grand children about what a risk taker I was, with a signature line or something…and then the credits would roll and it would say 'Dedicated to Joey Francis Rudolf Jumpy Wheeler...He had a thing for Pizza…'" He stopped and stared, as everyone else was, at Valon. Valon had burst into uncontrollable sobs.

"That was so beautiful tha' its destroying me mate!" He said, falling to his knees. Joey sighed with relief. Valon did have more than one emotion. Unfortunately as Valon dropped the gun to the ground it somehow went off and killed-

Join us next week for an all new Yu-Gi-Oh!

Last time on Yu-Gi-Oh, Valon pointed a gun, Joey gave a speech, nobody dueled but somebody was killed.

"Feed, My great Leviathen!" Mr. Dartz said in a creepy voice which was annoying because you really just want to know who died and we already know that Mr. Dartz is cool-er, I mean- creepy. Raphael gawked at Mr. Dartz, was he doing some sort of magic?"

There was a pause,Dartz turned around and glared at Raphael "What did I just say?" He asked, and before Raphael could reply he said "I said feed my great leviathan!"

Another pause, and then Dartz snapped "So? Are you going to feed him or not?"

"Oh!" Raphael said "Sorry Dartz-I mean sir- I saw the comma there and thought you were telling the leviathan to-you know- feed."

"That would be ridiculous and incorrect. I need you, Raphael, to go and gather souls for it to snack on! So go! And see what your Aussie friend is up to! His file says he's been slacking on soul taking."

"Yes Mr. Dartz, right away sir!"

Meanwhile….

"What are you doing?" Duke asked Rebecca. He was driving around and all of Rebecca's clicking and typing noises were really annoying him (We don't know why they're riding together other than the fact that that's how we wrote it, SO THERE!).

"I'm hacking into Kaiba's business accounts," Rebecca replied.

"Why?" He asked.

She shrugged, "Just a little fun,"

Duke rolled his eyes, all Rebecca ever did on the computer was slam her fists into the keyboard and pretend it was work. She had never ever hacked into anything before and if you asked her where the delete button was she'd show you Page down. But that was how things worked in her mind. If she said she was a college student she was a college student. If she said she was a techie she was a techie, if she said she was special she was special. And she was special alright, if you catch my meaning.

"Maybe you could just stop," Duke said, closing her laptop computer with one hand while driving with the other.

"That's alright," Rebecca said cheerfully, "I can do it telepathically."

Suddenly there was a loud shooting noise and a bullet whizzed through the window and right into-

"Rebecca!" Duke yelled, as her brains splattered onto his nice clean shirt.

There was loud Aussie "Oops," and than a lot of cursing from someone who sounded like Pharaoh.

**REVIEW! The next chapter will be up VERY soon, for all of those out there who actually want to hear more. **


	5. The missing chapter

**Disclaimer: Hmmm…what was I doing again?**

**Okay, I somehow forgot to add this chapter in when I first posted the story… which has probably made things very difficult for you, the reader. So here's a chapter that will hopefully explain some things for you…other things will probably remain a mystery… enjoy. **

Pharaoh had had enough, he had warned them and now he was threw with tolerance. "Kaiba!" He exclaimed "You are a Cotton Eating Ninny Muggins! Joey, you are fat! Valon, your accent sounds fake and you're Evil! Duke! You're covered in blood- wait"

"I need help! Some one call 911!" Duke exclaimed frantically. Everyone stared with clueless faces, "Rebecca's dieing!" Duke said, "Er…well she's already dead but we need to call some one!"

"Huh," Kaiba remarked, "Where's your criminal nature? Or don't you think throwing a corpse into the river and never talking about it again will suffice?"

"We have a pile of bodies over there, ready for shipment," Remarked Pharaoh. If he could have he would have pointed to the pile where Mokuba, Yugi, Tristan and Tea's bodies lay.

"Mokuba's faking," Kaiba said, he was in denial.

"Is that Yugi?" Duke asked.

"Damn, he's not alive is he?" Asked Pharaoh, fearing the worst. Everyone looked worried and sighed with relief when they found Duke was referring to a still very dead corpse.

"Don't ever do that to us again, Do you understand?" Kaiba said with a distressed tone.

"And Tea? And Tristan? They're dead too! Who could have caused all this destruction?" Duke looked like he was about to kill whoever had done it.

"Well" said Joey, "I shot Mokuba, Tea fell off a cliff and died when we decided that we couldn't spend money on the medical bill, Pharaoh killed Yugi by playing instant death-"

"Never heard of it" said Kaiba.

"Me neither," Said Joey "Anyway, Pharaoh also killed Tristan by stabbing him, and Rebecca's death was an accident, sorry I guess"

"Well" said Duke "I guess no one was really responsible for these deaths, and since it was an accident I can't hold it against you"

"Thanks pal." said Joey. "now, lets get going!"

"Where?" asked Pharaoh, "And since when do YOU decide where we go?" He tried his best to put his hands on his hips.

"Since now!" said Joey.

"Fine!" mumbled Pharaoh, simply because he could think of no possible way to punish Joey for his actions. "Then where are we going?"

"Thought you'd never ask bud." Joey said smiling.

"My name is Pharaoh! PHARAOH! Not Bud or Yugi or…"

"Actually…" said Rebecca's grandfather "Your name is Atem-"

"No-!" started the Pharaoh, but it was too late.

"Atem?" scoffed Kaiba, "Your lame name matches your lame personality ATEM."

"Don't call me that!" snapped Pharaoh.

"Call you what? Atem?" Sneered Seto.

"Yes! Don't call me that!" He put his hands over his ears. "Not listening! Not listening!" he muttered.

"Atem, Atem, Atem-" continued Kaiba, as if he were three and in need of attention.

"NOOOO!" cried Pharaoh. "I…MUST…BE…ALONE!" Amazingly he ripped through the ropes that had been holding him, and ran for a corner.

"Haha…" sniggered Kaiba, most obviously getting some sort of humor out of this sad situation. "That little dweeb never stood a chance against my meanness."

Pharaoh searched his hair, but he was out of everything. "I need to go to the grocery store!" he said

"No you don't" said Joey "you are going to stay right here where everyone can watch you"

"Ha, ha" Valon laughed "Atem needs a babysitter!"

"DON'T CALL ME THAT!" the Pharaoh exploded

"Valon!" Raphael had arrived.

"Uh…I gotta go…" said Valon, ready to make a run for it.

"Oh no ya don't!" Said Joey, grabbing Valon's arm and dragging him back. "Now that you're on our side you'll have to face the enemies with us!"

"Hold on mate, I'm not on your side!" Argued Valon, trying desperately to wriggle out of Joey's tight grip.

"You're on their side Valon?" asked Raphael scratching his head in confusion. "But-"

"Didn't ya just hear me? I said I wasn't on their side!"

"Oh…" said the large blonde…though he still looked confused. "Well, I guess it doesn't matter. I'm just here to deliver a message. Dartz knows you've been slacking so you're out of the gang." Valon's mouth dropped open.

"What?" he asked blankly. His expression quickly turned to that of rage. "But I'm the best dueler he's got!" Rafael shrugged and turned to leave. They all watched Raphael stalk off into the distance before Atem said, rather unhelpfully, "I really will kill him if you want…"

"Just shut it!" Said Valon angrily. "I'm gonna make them pay for what they've done!" he pounded his fist into his other hand menacingly. "Then they'll be sorry!" Everybody else took a nervous step backwards.

"Hey Yug'…" said Joey quietly. "Think we should go before things get out of hand?"

"Good thinking…" The Pharaoh whispered back, "Just let me tell Kaiba-"

"No!" hissed Joey. "We don't want Kaiba coming-" but it was too late. Joey watched helplessly as the Pharaoh whispered something to Kaiba and Kaiba nodded. Then to his horror Kaiba told Valon and in the end Duke uncovered their plan. Joey slapped a hand against his head and looked close to Tears. Why? WHY? WHHYYY? Why was he stuck with the Dumb Yugi? Oh fine, he had to admit that the other Yugi hadn't been any better but this was plain retarded!

"Come on Wheela!" said Valon, beckoning Joey to join their retreating group. Joey didn't move, This was just too stupid! "Oh come now." Valon rolled his eyes. "We'll buy you a pizza!" Joey was instantly by Valon's side, ignoring the fact that just fifteen minutes ago they had been ready to kill each other.

Pharaoh was walking ahead with Kaiba, trying his best to look quiet, mysterious and important. "What are we doing again?" he whispered.

Kaiba rolled his eyes "weren't you listening at all?"

Pharaoh looked at his feet and said guiltily "It was really boring…"

"We're going to help Valon get revenge" Said Kaiba. "Then we're going to find Mai, for Valon and Joey." Pharaoh thought Kaiba sounded rather out of breath and glanced over at him to see that he was still dragging Mokuba's body around.

"Kaiba, I think you should just let Mokuba go." He tried to put on his best sympathy face, but his mind had already wandered and he was now thinking about dancing ice cream cones.

"You're right." Said Kaiba, suddenly dropping Mokuba. "Once we're a couple of hundred feet away he'll stop pretending and come running for help…wimp!" He muttered. The Pharaoh, who had missed all of that, only nodded.

"So then they sent me to several different Juvie centers all around the world, but none of them was doin' too well until I came to one where they gave me my first deck of cards…" said Valon, as he told Joey about his life's story. "Then I met Mr. Pony Tail…er, that's Dartz, and he was impressed with all the souls I'd taken so he asked if I wanted to work for him."

"Wow!" said Joey, listening intently. "I wish my life was that exciting. All I get to do is follow Yugi around, and duel once in a while."

"Well you've got to be really evil to do it well, that's why Pharaoh's the king of games." Explained Valon.

"Wait a second!" said Joey, stopping in alarm. "You mean Yugi's evil?"

"Isn't that what I just said Wheela? Your mate is even worse than Dartz, and that's pretty bad."

"You're lyin'!" snapped Joey angrily. "Yug' can't be evil, he doesn't have enough concentration. He's got the attention span of a Tea!"

"Well sometimes that's all it takes Wheela, he probably doesn't even realize all the evil things he does."

"But I've never seen Yugi do anything evil before!" said Joey skeptically. He saw Valon raise his eyebrows. "Er…well, apart from kill'n most of his friends, as well as his other half, and making me starve and putting a sack of puppies out to freeze-"

"He actually did that mate?" asked Valon with some admiration. Joey nodded.

"He does a lot of horrible, sick and wrong things, but that don't mean he's evil!" said Joey, throwing up his fists and ready for a fight.

"Right" said Valon, he didn't look convinced "I'm gonna go walk over there for a little while."

"What was that?" asked Pharaoh, looking over at Kaiba. Kaiba had been mumbling to himself for half an hour now, and seemed to be getting angrier every second.

"Not that its any of your business loser, but its Mokuba. He hasn't tried to catch up yet! That kid is going to be in so much trouble when I get to him!"

"Er…" began the Pharaoh, meaning to bring up Mokuba's unfortunate death. "Kaiba, I don't think he will be coming…"

"Really." Said Kaiba without much interest. "Well then, that just proves what an idiot you really are! Mokuba would sooner die than not hang out with us! I mean, his life's dream is to be just like you! What a loser…"

"Uh…yeah, about the death thing…" said Yami, uneasily. "Did you um…check for a pulse?"

"Ha," snorted Kaiba, "If you're suggesting what I think you're suggesting, then you're even crazier than I thought. Zombies don't exist Pharaoh!"

"Well that's not exactly what I was getting at but-"

"Well what ever it is, then I'm sure there's no need for you to waste your breath on it. Mokuba WILL catch up, and when he does, I'm going to tell him how disappointed Mom and Dad were with how he turned out."

"They were disappointed in him?" gasped Pharaoh. Kaiba and Mokuba really had had terrible parents!

"No." sniggered Kaiba, "But I think I'll tell him anyhow."

"But that's mean!" said Yami, beginning to sound like Tea.

"Oh, so now the 'King of games' is going to lecture me on meanness?" Asked Kaiba, he sounded amused. Yami didn't get it, but he preferred to pretend that he did, so as not to appear 'stupid'.

"Hey Yug'!" shouted Joey, catching up to Pharaoh. "I've gotta ask you someth'n!"

"Go ahead Joey." Said the Pharaoh, "I'm getting bored talking with Kaiba." He shot a glare at Kaiba, but Kaiba didn't seem to care. In fact, he seemed to be looking over his shoulder a lot as if waiting to see Mokuba run up to them.

"Well, it like dis." Said Joey, misspelling his words as he spoke. (?) "Valon over dare said you was evil! And I just had to come and see if you were."

"Why Joey," said Yami pompously. "That was not in the form of a question! Ask again, and this time do it properly…without so many spelling errors." Joey rolled his eyes.

"Are you evil?" he asked bluntly. The Pharaoh gasped, and dramatically put a hand over his heart.

"You've been talking with Kaiba haven't you!" he said angrily.

"dork, I'm right here!" said Kaiba, waving a hand as if to prove he was real.

"No I haven't Yug'." Said Joey, raising an eyebrow. "I just told you, I was talking with-"

"Valon? I knew it!" Said the Pharaoh, his voice shaking.

" Well he is da only other person here, so yeah." Said Joey.

"How could you!" shouted the Pharaoh. "I thought we were friends! I thought you trusted me!"

"Just quit with the drama and answer the question already." Said Kaiba, icily. "You're giving us all a headache…"

"Is it true Yug'?" asked Joey, looking close to Tears. "Are you really what he says you are? All those people that you murdered, the puppies, the soul taking! Was that all your evil doin's?"

"Uh…well," began the Pharaoh. "I guess I can't say that I didn't enjoy some of it…well, most of it. But evil? Hmm, let me think on that…" He tugged at his collar as sweat rolled down his forehead. "I…well…yes. Yes, I guess I am evil."

"NOOOO!" cried Joey, falling to his knees, and sobbing loudly. "What would Yugi say? What would Tea say? You've disappointed me bud."

"Yes, well now that that's done with, can we continue walking?" asked the Pharaoh, helping Joey to his feet.

"Sure." Said Joey, suddenly his old self again. "Lets go Yug'."

"That's it?" asked Kaiba, who had now stopped walking with them. "That's all he gets for being the most evil duelist in the world? Ouch! Hey!" valon had walked into him while he'd been standing there.

"Oh, sorry chum." He said, smiling wickedly. "Didn't see you there, "

"Didn't see me?" asked Kaiba, skeptically. "I'm like eight feet tall! How could you not see me?" Valon shrugged.

"Guess you just vanished for a second." He said annoyingly.

"You had plenty of room to walk around me!" snapped Kaiba. "Sounds to me like you bumped into me on purpose!"

"No! Really?" asked Valon.

"Yeah, Really! Don't mess with me Valon, I'll make you regret it!"

"Oh yeah! Wanna duel on that Chump?"

"Way ahead of you!" said Kaiba, activating his Dueling arm thingy.

Meanwhile Joey and Pharaoh continued to walk, unaware that they had left Valon and Kaiba way behind.

As the sun sank into the west, Joey and Yami found a nice patch of dirt to sleep on. A lot had happened in the last couple of days, but they'd already forgotten. And by the time that the stars came out, they were already fast asleep, and did not notice the cry in the distance as some one got their soul taken.

The next morning Yami yawned, stretched and looked around to see Valon and Joey were still asleep. It never occurred to him that there had been another member of their gang…and he was missing. As he made his morning coffee he heard someone stir behind him.

"Hey there Yug'." Said Joey, also getting up. He looked around, the same way the Pharaoh had, counted the people carefully and then gasped. "Pharaoh!"

"What?" asked Pharaoh, eagerly pouring himself a giant mug of coffee.

"Well, I was just count'n up alls the people and I was wondering if…well…"

"Out with it!" snapped the Pharaoh. "I can't stand here listening to you blab on forever you know!"

"Oh, sorry, I just wanted to know if there would be enough coffee for us all."

"Hell no!" said Pharaoh, grabbing the pot of coffee, and hiding it behind his back. And added "What coffee?"

"Uh…oh, I guess there isn't any coffee." Said Joey, scratching his head cluelessly. "Sorry Yug'."

"That's Ok, and it's Pharaoh to you" said Pharaoh.

Just then Kaiba walked over to them carrying his brother.

"Is he still faking his death?" asked Joey as if he were talking to a particularly dumb five-year-old.

"No!" snapped Kaiba irritably.

"Oh well Kaiba." Said the Pharaoh, handing him a cup of coffee. " It wasn't your fault, it was Joey's. He's the one who shot him." He gave Kaiba a comforting pat on the back.

"How many times do I have to tell you dorks! Mokuba never died from the gunshot wound! He WAS FAKING!" Kaiba was in a rage.

"Er…sure he was…" said Joey. "Um…did the Pharaoh just hand you a cup of coffee?" asked Joey, watching as Kaiba took a sip.

"No," replied Kaiba, hiding it behind his back. "Why?"

"Oh…er, its noth'n, hehe." Joey was beginning to feel like he was seeing things.

Duke came over, yawned and took a sip of coffee when the Pharaoh handed him a mug. He still looked sad from what had happened last night. He glanced at Kaiba "is he still faking?" he asked, trying to sound like he was sorry but failing at it. After looking around and realizing that no one else was even trying to pretend that they missed Mokuba he decided to quit the act.

Finally one of the others asked "Where did you come from?" It was Kaiba, and he looked suspicious.

"I've been here the whole time." Said Duke blankly, "Remember? One of you shot Rebecca, she died and I came to you guys for help and-"

"And I didn't kill you?" asked the Pharaoh, narrowing his eyes. Duke shook his head. "Really? Well that doesn't sound right…" said Yami, scratching his chin.

"Yeah…" said Valon. "And the author said just a few paragraphs ago that there were only four people in our group." Duke shrugged.

"Maybe she forgot." He said. "Anyway, how did the duel turn out you two? You both seem to be alive."

Kaiba and Valon exchanged knowing glances before their gazes turned to Mokuba.

"Well," said Valon. "Me and Kaiba were doin just fine for a while, I have to admit. He's got guts."

"I can't say the same for you…" said Kaiba, preferring to take complements without returning them.

"Well then his little brother turned up and-"

"Sure…" huffed Joey. "Listen if you guys wanna tell us a whole bunch of stories then I think you should wait until we get through with what we started. Dartz has to be destroyed! And a bunch of fairy tales is only gonna slow us down."

"But-" said Valon. "Its true. His little brother was fak'n, the whole time! He came runn'n up wailing 'Seto, Seto! I'm sorry!' What a whiner. Then Kaiba told him what a failure he was, and Mokuba cried and said that I couldn't take his brother's soul, or he'd get revenge." Valon looked a little amused. " So me and Kaiba called it a draw-"

"It wasn't a draw!" snapped Kaiba. "You knew I was beating you, and you just decided to call it quits!"

"You can do that?" asked the Pharaoh, thinking of all the times that really would have been helpful.

"Duh." Said all of the others, rolling their eyes.

"Well then after we'd quit duel'n the little tyke still wants to get revenge, so I challenged him to a duel and…and…" he glanced nervously at Kaiba, but Kaiba didn't seemed to mind the retelling of his brother's death, "Well the kid lost." The others gasped.

"You mean, you played the seal of Oricalkose with Mokuba?" asked Joey, shocked.

"Well sure." Said Valon. "Why not?"

"He was a little kid!" shouted Kaiba. "That's why!"

"Well he's the one that wanted to go through with it!" Valon said defensively. "Its his own fault."

"You made him do it!" said Kaiba. "You told him that you'd kill me if he didn't. As if…"

"Okay, well maybe I did get a little carried away," said Valon.

"I can't believe you'd kill Kaiba's little brother, now that takes guts." Said Joey, trying to be the comic relief again. Everybody glared at him, and Joey reluctantly left their little circle to sit by himself.

"I'm sorry for your loss Kaiba." Said Yami, trying to sound sentimental.

"Loss?" asked Kaiba. "Mokuba isn't dead!"

"Yes, I know…" said the Pharaoh. "All I mean is that his soul got taken so…well…"

"No it didn't." said Kaiba scowling. "He's faking again." He gave Mokuba a sharp prod and yelled "GET UP!" Mokuba did nothing.

"Sure," they all said together, and began to laugh.

"Geeks…" muttered Kaiba.


	6. Zombies

**Disclaimer: I don't own Yugioh, or Shawn of the dead…**

**Warning: This chapter does include Zombies, Alistair and (shudders) Tea's return. May be unfit for sane minds… Also there are major grammar, spelling and phrasing issues throughout the whole thing, but oh well. You'll live… hopefully.**

Previously on Yugioh…: Hm… not much.

Well there was a whole lot more walking, and a whole lot more dueling and Duke was eaten by Pharaoh, but in the end they finally made it to Dartz's little seaside resort… or where ever it is that he worships his monster.

"Wow, this place sure is tall ain't it Yug'?" Said Joey.

"Yes,' said the Pharaoh. "It is tall, how long did it take you to figure that out?"

"Two minutes." Said Joey, ignoring the look Pharaoh was giving him and smiling proudly. "I'd say that sets a new record for me, don't it?"

"It sure does." Said Pharaoh, "Here, have a sticker for your efforts."

"Wow! A sticker? Really Yug'? You're the best pal ever!" he gave Yami a hug and added "Hey! The sticker's shiny!"

"Yes it is Wheela." drawled Valon, "And I'll give ya ten more if you'll shut up for a bit."

Joey was about to exclaim 'okay', but settled for a simple nod. He remained silent for a whole ten minutes before he realized that he was being mocked, and then offered to give Valon a pounding he'd remember.

"Feed my great Leviathan…" Dartz murmured. "Feed off of all of the souls I've collected for you-" DING DONG. Dartz cursed as he got up to answer the door. Why couldn't he just chant to his pet in peace once in a while?

"Hello, who is it?" he asked, opening the door just a crack. Normally he would have had Raphael do it, but the giant was off collecting more souls for the cause at the moment.

"Hey there Ponytail." Came a familiar aussie voice. "We're here for Mai!" Kaiba knudged him violently. "oh, sorry mate, I mean we're here to plot your distruction."

"Oh, well come on in then!" said Dartz, politely inviting them all in. Once they were all settled in his living room (which looked more like a torture chamber), Dartz asked them how they were planning to destroy him.

"Well, we figure that you'll be awful mad when you see us that you'll get really frantic and not notice when I come up from behind and stab you with this Morgul Blade." Said the Pharaoh. The others all nodded, and waited for Dartz's reply.

"And what if I don't get frantic, but let you guys all inside so that you can tell me your secret plans?"

The others all looked at each other before Joey finally said "Well, I guess we'd be pretty much done for. Because then you'd have the clear advantage by tying us all up and torturing us in yer liv'n room."

"Precisely what I was thinking!" said Dartz, grinning evilly. "Valon, tie them all up."

"Righto, you're the boss." Said Valon, getting up eagerly and grabbing Pharaoh's arm.

"Hold on a second!" said Joey, fuming. "Your on our side!"

"Yeah…" said Pharaoh. "You can't tie us up!" Valon shrugged,

"What the boss says, goes, and Dartz is the boss."

"But I'm the Pharaoh!" snapped Yami. "I'm more powerful! And…and I've got a sense of fashion!" He stood proudly, showing off his spiked, multi-colored hair, and his purple jacket.

"Er…well yeah, but Dartz isn't like eight years old,"

"I'm not eight!" said the Pharaoh, turning red in the face. "Just because I'm the height of an eight year old doesn't mean I am one!"

"Really?" asked Joey, Valon and Dartz. Pharaoh was beginning to get really annoyed.

"Well I think me and Mokuba will just go." Said Kaiba, "Mom wants us home for dinner,"

"Oh, right." Said Dartz. "Well, goodbye then, come again some time." They all said Goodbye to Mokuba and Kaiba, and then all sat down again.

"Now how shall I torture all of you?" Pondered Dartz, "Slowly lower you into a boiling pot of water, cut off half of your tongue?" Joey and Yami winced.

"Hey Ponytail, why don't we let them have the bad one…" Said Valon.

"The REALLY bad one?" asked Dartz. Valon nodded. "You mean, the really REALLY bad one?"

"Yup, that's what I mean. They do deserve it after all, with everything they've tried to do to you!"

"True, true," said Dartz, thinking it over, "Are you sure its not a bit extreme though?"

"For them? Nah,"

"Okay, well lets do it then!"

"Do what?" asked Joey, looking just a little uncomfortable.

"Yes." Said Pharaoh (just because he felt like it.) Every one looked at him strangely.

"What?" asked Valon after a minute of awkward silence.

"Huh?" asked Pharaoh

"Yes what?" asked Dartz

"I don't know what you mean" said Pharaoh, he had completely forgotten about saying "Yes" just a minute ago

"We were talking about how we were going to torture you and you just said yes" said Valon.

"Oh" said Pharaoh "how were you going to torture us?"

"Well we haven't gotten to that yet now have we?" snapped Dartz "We were going to use the really, REALLY, -"

"Super duper" added Valon

"Ultra mega" said Dartz

"Stupendously, amazingly" they said together "bad one"

"And what exactly is it?" asked Joey after a slight pause

"Yes" said Pharaoh

"Huh?" asked everyone

"What" asked the Pharaoh.

"You did it again!" said Valon

"Did what?"

"We were just about to reveal our torturing device and you interrupted us by saying "yes"" Dartz was getting annoyed.

"Sorry" said Pharaoh "Please carry on"

"Thank you" said Dartz "now as I was saying, this is the really, Really, REALLY, REALLY bad one-"

"I'm sorry, am I interrupting you?" Rebecca's grandpa had just invited himself in "the door was open and I really needed a spot of Tea, so I came in, would anyone else like some Tea?"

"Jasmine" said Dartz "only twelve lumps of sugar for me"

"Wow" said Valon "are you on a diet? I'll have black with thirty four lumps of sugar"

"I'll have twenty" said Joey "and make it orange spice"

"Five hundred twenty two point one four lumps of sugar" said Pharaoh "with two tablespoons of Tea, and make it quick, my kingliness will not wait long"

Mr. Hawkins went to go make tea.

"Now" said Dartz "The Really, REALLY bad one is-"

"Where the hell is my Tea?" Pharaoh pounded his fist on the antique coffee table, shattering the two hundred year old glass.

"My table!" cried Dartz. "You idiot!"

"Sheesh Yug', the old guy just went into the kitchen to make you some." said Joey.

"Hmph!" said the Pharaoh, crossing his arms stubbornly. "Well its taking him long enough isn't it?"

"No, not really…" replied Joey hesitantly.

"I'll never be able to find another one like it!" moaned Dartz, picking up the fragments of glass and trying to piece them back together. "Valon, help me glue this back together!" Valon just laughed.

"Sorry Ponytail, I'm not on your side anymore, so I guess I can't help you there."

"Then you're on our side?" asked the Mr. Hawkins, stepping into the room again.

"Get back into the kitchen old man!" snapped the Pharaoh, "When I say I want Tea, then I WANT TEA!"

"But the water hasn't boiled yet-"

"I DON'T F'N CARE!" Joey had to restrain Yami while he said this, and the old man (as he is now referred to as) ran quickly back into the kitchen.

Five minutes later Yami was staring blankly at his Tea cup. "Its cold…" he mumbled, after taking a sip.

"Er…yes…why yes it is Ph….Pharaoh…" stammered the unfortunate old man, bowing repeatedly so that he wouldn't get murdered like the rest.

"Hey…wait a second…" said Joey, who was still restraining Yami incase he began to go wild again. "Kaiba doesn't have a mom…" Everyone else stared at him.

"Make your point already!" said Yami.

"Well, those Kaiba kids got off easy just by saying their mom wanted em home for dinner." explained Joey.

"And?" asked Valon, speaking on behalf of Dartz who was currently too preoccupied with glueing bits of glass together.

"Well, they don't have a mom…"Said Joey.

"You lost me wheela." Said Valon yawning, "maybe you shouldn't try to explain things with a brain your size, you might hyperventilate."

Pharaoh was still staring at his Tea, "all this is is white stuff" he said "where's the tea in it?"

"Well" the old man tried to explain "you said that you only wanted two tablespoons of tea and-"

"Goddamn it old man! When the almighty Pharaoh says he wants tea he means tea! Not sugar, get back into the kitchen and make yourself useful" he handed his cup, overflowing with sugar to the old man "and I want hot tea, HOT TEA! Is that so much to ask for!"

"N-n-no…said the shivering geezer. "I'll just go make it then, shall I?"

"Yes!" said the Pharaoh. "And NO sugar! God, how many times do I have to tell you that?"

"Only…only once sir…I mean your majesty…I mean your godliness."

"That's better, now go!" The Pharaoh pointed at the doorway as he said this,

"Hey Yug'…?" asked Joey raising an eyebrow. "Didn't you want him to go into the kitchen?"

"NO! He must make my Godly tea by rubbing sticks together outside and using only the purest spring water in a tea kettle hand made out of copper!"

"That's kinda asking a lot isn't it Yug'?" asked Joey sympathetically.

"No" said Pharaoh "the old man has to learn"

At this exact moment, miles away, Merek sat up from the couch where he had been reading his favorite magazine, and realized that the answer to life the universe and everything was 42. This is not his story.

"Can't you just let him make tea the regular way?" asked Joey, he leaned back and knocked over the antique vase that had been behind him.

"NOOO!" squealed Dartz "My vase!" he tried to catch it, but he was too late, it shattered into a million pieces.

"Oops" said Joey "sorry about that"

Dartz fell to the ground with dramatic sobs.

"Where's my Tea?" the Pharaoh called out the door where the poor old man was still rubbing sticks together.

"Very soon sir" came the weak answer; Rebecca's Grandpa was beginning to wish that he had just gone to Star Bucks, and if he had been smart he would have gone back to his car and left.

For reasons unknown, Rex and Weevil arrived.

"Gah! What are we doing here!" asked Weevil, in his annoying bug-like voice.

"How should I know!" demanded Rex. "You're the one who got us into this mess!"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah!" and they proceeded to fight…like they usually do… and as usual, nobody else seemed to notice their arrival. Which is sad because before Joey had even learned to use those Dueling Cards both Rex and Weevil had been child prodigies thanks to their skill. Now they weren't even shown on 'Where are they now'.

"My godly thirst is growing rapidly," Pharaoh complained over the noise of Rex and Weevil's brawl, "Perhaps I shall tell the old man that I want Iced Tea."

Rebecca's grandfather had finally got the fire started when Pharaoh approached him and announced, "Change of plans, I should like Iced Tea brewed in sunlight and iced with glacial ice from Antarctica, and make sure you carve the ice into cubes before its put in my glass! Its just better that way!"

"But-" Began The geezer.

"Did I hear a but?" Pharaoh demanded, "There shall be no buts while I'm Pharaoh, understand? You are to do exactly as I say! Now I just said I want Iced Tea so get me my Sun Brewed Glacial Iced Tea!" He went inside and sank into the couch beside Joey, "By the way that man acts you'd think I'd been asking for something ridiculous!"

Hours later Rebecca's grandfather came inside with precisely what the Pharaoh had asked for and had discovered that the Pharaoh had been just as satisfied with a coke from Mr. Dartz' Refrigerator.

"Here's your Tea" he said

Pharaoh inspected the glass closely "what the, I wanted the little blue glass, not this fat green one, give the fat one to Joey!"

"Raa Raaa Ra raa Raa RA Ra"

"huh?" said the old guy

"It's Weevil" said Pharaoh "he's trying to communicate, what were you saying Weevil?"

"Raaaraara raa raaa wra wra ree" said Weevil

"I think he asked if he could have the ice tea" said Pharaoh

"No he didn't you moron" said Rex "he quite clearly said that he thinks you're too demanding"

They spent the rest of the afternoon trying to decipher what Weevil said, everyone except for Dartz, who was still only a tenth of the way thru with gluing his table back together.

Forgetting completely about the torturing that he'd been going to give Pharaoh and Joey, Dartz invited everyone to have dinner.

"So…" he said, pouring some red wine for everyone. "Pharaoh, I hear you're the 'King of Games.'" He was only trying to make dinner conversation.

"Hear? You should know! You owe me $2800!"

"Er…well…yes…" Dartz downed the rest of his wine and filled it up again.

There was a pause that lasted thru most of dinner

Pharaoh looked at his dessert plate "sooo" he said "this is where you live"

"Uh yes" said Dartz

"It's, uh, nice"

Mr. Hawkins, who had made dinner and desert was now setting down a pot of Tea.

"Finally!" said Pharaoh "it took you long enough!" before anyone could stop him he poured himself some Tea. "It's tasteless" he said with disappointment.

"Well" Mr. Hawkins tried to explain "you didn't let it steep"

"Steep? STEEP? Why the hell did you bring it to the table if it wasn't already made!" he picked up the Ming Dynasty Tea pot and threw it at Mr. Hawkins. There was a crack as the Tea pot hit the old guy's head.

"Pharaoh!" said Joey "you just killed Rebecca's grandpa!"

"Good" said Pharaoh "now the whole pathetic family has been extinguished" he examined the little bowl of sugar that was in front of him, it was so tempting

"My tea pot!" moaned Dartz "Is there anything else you wish to destroy?"

"Pharaoh, NO!" said Joey, but it was too late the Pharaoh had just eaten a whole bowl of sugar in one gulp.

"Anything else?" said Pharaoh and grinned evilly "well, now that you mention it" he proceeded to burn the silk tablecloth, chop up the table, melt all the expensive candles and so on, until everything in Dartz's dining room had been destroyed.

"My dining room!" squealed Dartz "my beautiful, beautiful dining room!"

"Come Joey" said Pharaoh, with an air of superiority, "Our work here is done." As Joey followed him to the door, two people suddenly walked in. It was Raphael and Alistair.

"Where do you think you're going punk?" asked Raphael, he pushed Joey and Pharaoh back into the house.

Alistair looked at Pharaoh "Mikey? MIKEY! I've missed you so much" he went over to hug Pharaoh.

"Stay away!" Pharaoh warned "if I can kill a senior citizen then I can sure as hell kill you too!"

"Ra RAA REEE" said Weevil

"What's that" asked Rex, he pointed towards the window where they could see the silhouette of hands, lots of hands.

"Zombies" said Pharaoh "everyone, start boarding up the windows and doors with parts of Dartz's mahogany table"

"Humph!" said Alistair "when did you start giving orders Mikey?"

"I'm not going to take orders from someone who's, like, three feet tall" said Raphael

"And no one is going to use my table to board up windows!" said Dartz standing over his shards of table defensively.

"But we have to do something!" said Pharaoh "or the zombies will eat our flesh!"

"I think we should take a vote!" said Rex

"A vote?" asked Alistair "on what exactly?"

"On who's going to lead our group!"

"I'm not part of their group" said Raphael looking at Pharaoh and Joey

"And Valon is a traitor!" whined Dartz

"Yeah!" said Valon "hey wait-"

"Everyone!" Joey was sick of listening to everyone argue "we're stuck, in a house! And Zombies are attacking! If we don't do something right now, we're all gonna be zombie chow!"

"Right" said Pharaoh "this calls for immediate discussion"

"Who wants a hug!" a gushy voice came from outside.

"NO! Its tea!" shouted Joey and Pharaoh together, as they began to run around frantically.

"Ugg, I got here as soon as I could," they all turned to see Mai, who had just pushed her way into the house by dueling every single zombie.

"Mai…" gasped Valon.

"Mai?" questioned the Pharaoh.

"Ma-ma-" but Joey fainted before he could say anymore.

"Leave him." Said the Pharaoh, before Mai could try to wake up the unconscious Joey. "We must get to higher ground quickly!"

"But why?' asked Valon. "I mean won't that lead us right into a trap old chum?"

"My name is NOT old chum!" the Pharaoh said, growing red in the face. "Its not Yugi, its not Frodo, its not bud or Pal or 'the little guy with the spiky hair.' Its Atem! And you are to address me as the almighty and godly Pharaoh!"

"Oh, sorry chum-p!" said Valon, exaggerating the 'P' at the end.

"I think he's gonna explode." Said Mai helpfully, pointing at the Pharaoh, who was very red and shaking all over with rage.

Suddenly the door burst open. No one waited to see who it was, they were all too busy climbing the stairs.

"Suddenly I wish I hadn't killed so many people" said Pharaoh.

"This was your doing?" asked Dartz he was furious, by now the zombies had already reached the living room and had trashed the whole place. "Give me one reason for why I shouldn't push you into that crowd of angry zombies!"

"Because…" said Pharaoh, jumping into the attic with everyone else. "I've got a plan!"

"Really?" asked everyone. Pharaoh felt a bit indignant about the fact that nobody thought he would be able to come up with a suitable plan, but went on nonetheless.

"Yes, we're all going to the Winchester!" He said triumphantly, as if this was the greatest plan anybody had ever come up with.

"The what?" asked Joey who HAD regained consciousness…somehow.

"The Winchester!" said the Pharaoh. The others all gaped. "It's a pub." Nobody said anything. "Honestly! Haven't any of you idiots seen Shawn of the dead?"

"Wait, we're basing our plan on a movie?" asked Valon

The Pharaoh looked at them all seriously "yes" he said "here's the plan, first we duel our way out of Dartz's house, steal the coolest car we can find, we drive over to Kaiba's place, kill Kaiba's dad "sorry Phil…" save Kaiba and Mokuba drive over to Ryou's house, save him, go to the Winchester, have a few drinks, and wait for the whole thing to blow over"

"Wait" said Joey "First of all we don't even know a pub called the Winchester, and second of all if we go anywhere I want to hide out in a place where I can easily locate the bathroom and the refrigerator!"

"Right" said Pharaoh "Okay, here's the plan, first we duel our way out of Dartz's house, steal the coolest car we can find, then we can drive over to Kaiba's house, kill his dad "sorry Phil…" save Kaiba and Mokuba, drive to Ryou's house, save Ryou, then we go to the mall, have a few drinks, and wait for the whole thing to blow over!"

Dartz raised his hand "Why can't we just leave the others to their fate and go to the mall without them?"

"Because, that would be mean!" said a grey mass of flesh that sounded like Tea "And we all have to stick together, because we're friends."

Pharaoh winced. The smell that was wafting off of the Tea zombie was over powering. "Perhaps we should go." He said, turning to the others.

Well no one could really disagree with that so they all dueled their way out of Dartz's house and piled into a Volkswagen Beetle.


	7. The very purple winter house of Maximill...

**Disclaimer: I really don't own Yugioh…really!**

**Typical chapter warning: Sorry, this chapter's a bit shorter than the others. But its still funny. And everything about Kaiba's parents will be explained in later chapters…so don't give up on me yet.**

Previously on Yugioh: Lots of Zombies, a plan and stuffing people into a volkswagon beetle!

"This was the coolest car you could find?" asked Raphael, unenthused.

"I think its cute, how about you Mikey?" Asked Alistair

"My names not Mikey!" Muttered the disgruntled Pharaoh. "Its-"

"Yeah, we get it Yug'." said Joey, rolling his eyes.

"Wait…what do we get?" asked Valon.

"That Yugi's name isn't Mikey."

"No…it's the Phar-"

"Yeah, yeah Pal." Said Joey. "Your name is Yugi."

"No, its-"

"We're here!" called Dartz, who had been driving. They were now at Kaiba's house and they all piled out of the car.

"How are we all going to fit?" asked Rex, he had to wonder how Kaiba and Mokuba were going to join them, when he himself had had to ride in the trunk.

"Relax" said Pharaoh "from here we take Kaiba's Mini cooper"

"Ooooh!" squealed Alistair "Another cute car! Me and Mikey can drive all the way to Mexico and live happily ever after with Barbie and Michael Jackson!"

Raphael groaned "But this car is even smaller then the last one!"

"it's okay" said Pharaoh "I've got it all planned out" he took out a diagram that showed a picture of a car with little stick people in it "Dartz will drive, Kaiba can sit in the other front seat with Mokuba and Weevil on his lap, Alistair and Raphael can have the back seats, Rex will be in the trunk, and Joey, Valon and Mai can ride on top"

"Well that's great" said Valon "but you forgot one detail"

"What?" asked Pharaoh.

"Can't you think of anything you forgot to add?"

Pharaoh thought for a little while, he could see nothing wrong with his plan. "No, my plans are always flawless!"

"Yourself!" said Valon "where do we put you!"

"Uh…well…"Pharaoh stammered "I'll think of that later, lets go save Kaiba!"

So, Pharaoh, Joey, Mai, Dartz, Alistair, Raphael, Valon, Rex and Weevil all knocked on Kaiba's door.

"Who's there?" asked Kaiba, he sounded grumpier than usual and as he came to the door they could see he looked worried.

"It's us!" said Pharaoh, Joey, Mai, Dartz, Alistair, Raphael, Valon, Rex and Weevil.

"What the-what are you doing here? I thought I told you that I was having dinner with mother!"

"But we thought you were lying" said Joey

"So did I" said Kaiba "but now I actually am having dinner with mother, She's sort of a Zombie too. And-"

"Is that your dad?" asked Valon, he had just seen someone cross the hall.

"He's not my dad, he's my step dad" said Kaiba.

"And they're zombies!" said Pharaoh

"Yeah, I know" said Kaiba "I figured that out when they tried to eat Mokuba, why are you here anyway?"

"We're here to save you, idiot" said Raphael "and kill your dad"

"He's not my dad he's my step-"

"Yeah, yeah we get it" said Mai "Where's Mokuba?"

"Gee, I'm right here" said Mokuba, coming out of the house

"Huh, I thought your soul was taken!" said Joey

"I told you he was faking" said Kaiba. Mokuba smiled innocently at them, and then grabbed his brother's hand.

"Come on Seto, lets go eat."

"Ugg, let go of me you freak!" Said Seto, but Mokuba was surprisingly strong, and dragged his brother back into the house. "Help me you geeks!" said Kaiba, in his emotionless voice.

"One minute…" said the Pharaoh. "First me and the gang are going to huddle, and whisper a lot about what we should do next." The others all nodded in agreement, even if they HAD already thought up a plan.

"Okay, we're done." Said Valon, after much whispering. "Now lets get in their and kick some Zombie butt…oh, and kill Kaiba's dad."

From somewhere deep inside of the house came a faint "He's not my dad, he's my step dad!" and "Mokuba, you little brat! I'm never gonna build you that theme park you've been bugging me about!" and a trembling "You're not? You're the worst brother in the world!" And then there was a lot of screaming as Mokuba turned into a zombie and ate Seto's Mother.

"Well that was strange." said Kaiba, returning to the doorway while dusting off his floating coat. "Now are you guys gonna help me escape or-" he looked up, those dorks were gone! Where were they-?

"Sorry Phil." said someone that sounded like Pharaoh. Kaiba whirled around to see his step dad lying on the floor, and Pharaoh standing over him with a Cricket bat.

"What have you done? Get out of my house NOW before I have Mokuba eat you." Said Kaiba angrily pointing at the door.

"Try your worst Kaiba, I'll take him on!" Said the Pharaoh, savagely ripping off Phil's arm and then chewing on it.

"That's disgusting," remarked Kaiba. "I'm outta here!" With this said, Kaiba calmly walked outside, closed the door and locked it. He was surprised, however, to find the the 'gang' already waiting in the mini cooper (yeah, there's a LOT of unexplained events in this story…)He scowled, this kind of interfered with his 'have Mokuba eat everyone' plan.

"This is ridiculous," Kaiba muttered five minutes later with Mokuba and Weevil squirming in his lap, "Why can't we just take both cars?"

"Er..." Said Pharaoh who was riding on the hood, "Because I'm Pharaoh and I say so!"

Kaiba wanted to disagree (as usual) but Dartz had just slammed his foot on the gas.

Pharaoh gave Dartz a thumbs up (with some difficulty)

Raphael looked particularly uncomfortable, seeing as he had to bend down so as not to bump his head. And Joey, Mai, and Valon were hanging on for dear life. All in all, most were very uncomfortable, except for Alistair who looked like he was enjoying himself.

"This is soooo much fun" said Alistair as they bumped along

"This is stupid" said Kaiba "sooner or later we're going to get stopped by the police" and as it happened, they did.

"keep driving!" shouted Pharaoh through clenched teeth

Dartz had every intention to keep driving, but it just so happened that they ran out of gas.

"All right" said the police man as Dartz rolled down the window "may I see your license"

Dartz sighed and pulled out his wallet, "I suppose-say officer, would you mind if we had a look at your car? Its magnificent!"

"It has shiny lights!" Alistair exclaimed.

"Well," Said the officer, scratching the back of his head, "I don't know why not."

Heres why not: The police Officer had left his keys in the ingnition.

Kaiba was the first out, but, just to be fair, wrote the police officer a check. The group of Yugi characters jumped into the police car and drove off, leaving a very confused Police Man behind.

"Is everybody on?" Pharaoh asked while the wind blew his super hair against the windshield, obscuring most of Dartz's view.

"Where's Mokuba?" Asked Alistair.

"In the glove compartment," Kaiba replied. Weevil was stuffed unceremoniously on to the floor as a foot rest for Kaiba.

"WooHoo!" Valon Shouted from the roof, "This is just like the good ol' days!"

Dartz turned on the Radio, The ever famous YMCA song blared out of the speakers. Everybody screamed in horror and somewhere a rotting mass of Tea flesh was dancing along. "Turn it off! Turn it off!" Yelled Pharaoh.

Dartz fumbled with the volume but the knob broke off and the YMCA song was on highest volume. Eventually their screaming overcame the noise and the song ended.

"Whew," Said Alistair in relief, "Lets hope the next song is better,"

The DJ on the radio had a perky voice "Heeeello to another bright day, I'm Perky Perkinson your friendly neighborhood music man! Haha! Anyways, up next is a song I think we all want to hear-"

"Finally!" Pharaoh sighed, though no one else could hear his naïve remark because he was outside on the hood of the police car.

"It's DANCING QUEEN, from ABBA!"

While the rest of the car's riders groaned Alistair started humming along, when the chorus came up he yelled at the top of his off key voice "DANCING QUEEN la la la ONLY SEVENTEEN…erm…LA LA LA!"

"Could this get any worse?" Asked Kaiba in disgust, while he shoved the escaping Mokuba back into the glove compartment. That's when they arrived at Bakura's house.

"More Friends!" Alistair shouted, "See Mikey? And you said nobody would hang out with us because they thought we were crazy!"

"Wait," Said Joey, as he hopped off of the parked vehicle, "If there's three of us on the roof, one on the hood, and six in the car where will Bakura go?"

"Joey this is no time to think about food!" Pharaoh said, stuck to the windshield by splattered bugs.

"Any room in the trunk?" Asked Kaiba smoothely.

Weevil paled "REX!" He yelled.

Meanwhile….back at the police stopped mini cooper….

The policeman thought that he might as well take a look in the cooper now that he didn't have a ride. He searched under the seats and in the glove compartments for any illegal substances (Pharaoh got to those first), then he looked in the trunk and found a Rex, knocked unconscious.

"Gasp" he gasped, it was a body! He had been waiting his whole life for this moment, he dialed up the police station on his walky-talky "hello, this is black coffee grounds" there was some mumbling on the other line "-no, remember the code names?-" more mumbling "it's Joe!" there was laughing on the other line "I'm calling in to report a murder in a mini-coope- YES I'M SERIOUS! No, this isn't a joke! I actually found-" He paused and looked at Rex as his arm moved slightly, the cop completely freaked out, "OH MY GOD! THIS IS BLACK COFFEE GROUNDS, WE HAVE A ZOMBIE, I REPEAT A ZOMBIE-OVER! Should I shoot it? YES I'M SERIOUS! ARRRRGH!" after a lot more mumbling on the other line he looked back at the trunk to see that the body was gone.

Bakura peeked through the curtains, there was a police car right outside his house "okay" he told himself "don't panic, they have no evidence against you so just play it cool and they'll never suspect a thing"

"Alright" said Pharaoh, back at the police car "I'm going to figure out a way to stuff us all into that Vespa, the rest of you can go get Bakura"

"Why can't we just keep the police car?" asked Raphael grumpily. Alistair looked like he was about to explode out of pure joy.

"Because…" said Pharaoh, and that was all he said.

So Kaiba, Pharaoh, Mokuba, Joey, Mai, Valon, Dartz, Raphael, Alistair, and Weevil all approached Bakura's door.

DING DONG!

A nervous, sweating wreck of a Bakura answered the door, "Er…HI!" He said in a high pitched squeaky voice. He struggled to lower it to normal and then repeated, "Hi…wait! You're Yugi!" He said pointing to Pharaoh.

"No I'm-"

"That's Mikey!" Said Alistair indignantly.

"No its Yami," Said Joey.

"We should all call him Atem… or Atemu, I'm not really sure." Said Mai,

"BOW DOWN TO ME!" Pharaoh yelled, it was an attention getter but no body bowed. "I am the godly and dashing Pharaoh who has possessed a slightly taller body of Yugi with more eye liner! But you may call me Pharaoh."

"Mikey loves to play pretend," Said Alistair, "But I'll be nice to him and let him play it, like a GOOD brother should." He shot a glare at Kaiba who was trying to muffle the sounds from the glove compartment with his coat.

Inside the glove compartment:

Mokuba just knew something was wrong, someone had trapped him in a glove compartment and his brother hadn't rescued him yet. "Who ever you are you better let me out right now!" He yelled, "If this is about my brother I can tell you that as his brother I know he isn't mean! He's my best friend and he'll get you for this!"

Kaiba, who was the only one who could hear his brother, sighed. Another day, another lecture about brotherly love.

"He may be hard on the outside…" continued Mokuba "…but inside he's a puppy, a cute toy poodle! He's my older brother and I trust him more than anyone in the world!"

Kaiba chuckled, how could he resist? He lowered his voice to a Darth Vader like hiss and said "Mokuba, Kaiba's dead!" He smiled with satisfaction as Mokuba's ranting turned into sobbing wails of despair.

"What are you doing riding in a stolen police car?" asked Bakura.

"How did you know it was stolen?" asked Pharaoh.

Suddenly Bakura's voice was more panicky. "Uh…I didn't. it was just a lucky guess."

"Oh, okay then. We took it from the police that pulled our mini cooper over."

"You were riding in a Mini Cooper?" asked Bakura, raising an eyebrow. "All of you?"

"Yes." said the Pharaoh. "Why, is that strange?"

"Er… no! Not at all, um, so what are you doing here?"

"We came to rescue you from the zombies." Said Joey, always eager to join conversations where he was not wanted. The Pharaoh and Bakura both chuckled, obviously very amused.

"Is he always this passionate about pizza?" asked Bakura. The Pharaoh nodded.

"What?" Joey was confused.

"Bad!" Pharaoh snapped suddenly, pointing his finger at Joey. "Joey, you know better than to beg at the table! Go, sit down!"

"Huh?" Joey asked in bewilderment. They weren't even sitting at a table! He gave up and went to join another conversation.

"We should all get into the Vespa before we get attacked by zombies!" said Pharaoh, his voice suddenly urgent. He pulled out a diagram indicating their seating arrangement

"There's no way that this will ever work" said Raphael, looking at the diagram "and I can't even tell who's who. They're all just stick figures!"

"Well that's easy" said Pharaoh "I'm the one with the spiky hair!"

"Cool!" said Joey "I get to hang on to the back!"

"Wait" said Raphael, confused "how come you can understand who's who but not me?"

"Idiots think alike" Said Kaiba he took out his voice activated laptop computer "Fizzing Wizbees" he said

"Access denied"

"Fizzing Wizbees!"

"Access denied"

"Damn it! Mokuba, did you change the password again!"

"No" said Pharaoh "Mokuba has neither brain capacity nor will power enough to change the pass word of a computer, it must have been-"Tune in next time on Yu-Gi-Oh!


	8. Ryou's circle game

**Disclaimer: Ugg, is this really necessary?**

**Chapter Warning: This chapter is starts out with the incredibly random Perky Perkinson. I'm not sure why, I guess I've been listening to the radio too much lately… Also I'm afraid there might be some Ryou bashing…throughout the rest of the story in fact… so sorry to the Ryou fans, I like Ryou nearly as much as the next person, but he's fun to pick on. **

**Yet another note. Bakura is the tomb robber, Ryou is…is Ryou…**

"HEEELLLOOOO, it's Perky Perkinson your local broadcast network host just here to remind you that when the weather is cold, cold, cold the music we play is hot, hot, hot! Be sure to listen to me Perky Perkinson talk about stuff with your other host Happy Happinen and hear from our special guest Kim-Chi of the Northern Birds health clinic in Kentucky!"

"Hi this is Happy Happinen, remember also to tune in on Thursday afternoon when one lucky winner will win two tickets to see Jason Mraz live! Also, don't forget that if you're a member you may be eligible too win the $2,000,000 Jackpot! Just answer our question correctly and call within the next five minutes. The question is: Who played Denethor in the epic trilogy The Lord of the Rings, the number is 1-888-5-"

Previously on Yu-Gi-Oh! Mokuba was trapped in a glove compartment, and we still don't know who hacked into Kaiba's account.

"JOHN NOBLE!" Shouted Kaiba, furiously pounding on the radio which had just mysteriously turned off midway through the phone number.

"Uh…no," Said Pharaoh, "Not even close, I think that the person who changed your password was Bakura.

"What?" Exclaimed Backura in surprise.

"I meant Ryou," Pharaoh said grudgingly.

Bakura looked at his Millenium ring "myyy Puurrecious" he said and stuffed it in his pocket away from prying eyes.

"I don't think so Pharaoh." Said Mai. "Ryou's too nice and dumb to do something like that…he probably doesn't even know what a computer is..."

"Watch it…" growled Bakura.

"Probably right" said Joey "I mean, lets face it he's not even as smart as me!"

"Yes," said Pharaoh "We must take that into account, but who else could have done it?"

"Maybe in some freak coincidence, Rebecca actually did something when she pounded her fist onto Kaiba's computer" said Tristan.

"Rebecca?" asked Kaiba "That little brat couldn't hack into anything for the life of- hey! I thought you were dead!"

Tristan looked at them all and shrugged.

Everyone looked at Tristan and shrugged.

Then they all went to go get ice-creams at the mall. This was difficult, however, because everybody had already forgotten about the zombies and had not thought to bring weapons with them.

"Nice going…" muttered Kaiba as they all sat crammed on to the Vespa, in the parking lot and staring at the mall which was surrounded by zombies.

"Seto? Is that you?" asked a small voice from inside of the Vespa's storage compartment.

"Didn't I tell you Seto was dead!" asked Kaiba, irritably. Mokuba, who had been trying to puppy-dog-look his way out of his prison for the last half hour, was giving his older brother a headache.

"Seto's not dead! And he's gonna rescue me too!" Mokuba snapped. "He's the bestest brother in the whole wide world, he's even better than Alistair!" Kaiba smirked as Alistair gave the storage compartment a glare.

"Did you hear that Mikey?" asked Alistair, poking the Pharaoh in the back. Pharaoh, who'd been handling the controls fumbled, and the Vespa gave a groan before its two tires popped and the whole structure gave way. All the passengers tumbled from the scooter, screaming and cursing at Alistair (except for Kaiba, who's coat magically lifted him from the wreck and allowed him to land safely just yards away.) He smiled for a moment, a cold evil smile that simply said "Haha Losers" and then frowned. It wasn't that the sight of his injured companions didn't bring some joy to him, but Mokuba had managed to escape and was now running full speed towards his brother, flailing his arms and ready to give him a Tea hug.

Seto cringed as Mokuba wrapped his arms around his leg and began to laugh in his dorky way.

"Nii sama! I knew you'd save me, I just knew it. The evil guy told me that you were dead, but I didn't believe him because you're my favoritest brother, and-"

"Mokuba, get off of my leg." Kaiba said Icily "And your explanation doesn't make sense." He muttered, always eager to point out that he was smarter than other people.

"Oh, I love you SO much Nii sama! You're the best brother in the world." Mokuba released his brother's leg, but then promptly clung to the other one. Alistair glared at the siblings with disgust.

"Mikey, why don't you give me a hug…you know, and tell me what a great brother I am." Pharaoh shuddered with disgust.

"Umph…ow!...get outta my way!" said Joey, who had gotten stuck at the bottom of the pile. He pushed Tristan hard, who pushed him back and the two 'mutts' got into a fist fight. When they were done they were Joey and Babysitter again.

"Well, I'd say that the ice cream plan is out of the question." Raphael said to Alistair. Alistair frowned.

"It can't be…" he said, a Tear creeping into the corner of his eye. "All Mikey ever wanted in the world was an Ice cream cone! And I'm gonna be a good brother, and make sure he gets it!" Raphael rolled his eyes as Alistair rushed off into the mob of angry Zombies. The guy did seem a little crazy…in fact, Raphael couldn't believe that he'd ever trusted him as a Helicopter pilot, especially since Alistair had always referred to the Helicopter as "His own little world…"

"Look, I think it would be best if we left for somewhere safer…" said Pharaoh, standing on the pile of Vespa so that everybody could see him. True, there weren't that many people, but Pharaoh was very short after all.

"No shit Sherlock…" said Kaiba, pushing several Zombies away from him and Mokuba while he said this.

"Hey! My name isn't Sherlock-" began Pharaoh, but was cut off by the Roar of a Helicopter. All of the Yugioh characters standing in the parking lot, looked up to see a purple Helicopter, which lowered a ladder so that every one could hop aboard.

"Pegasus!" said Kaiba, scowling. "How dare his helicopters come to rescue us before mine!"

"Uh, Seto, you'd better climb on quick…" said Mokuba. "I don't know if the helicopter will be able to hold all of us."

"I'm not going anywhere!" Kaiba said Stubbornly, crossing his arms. " I'm going to wait here until Rupert…or Robert…or whatever his name is, comes to save us!"

"Its Roland." Said Mokuba. "And I don't think that Roland survived when I turned into a Zombie and killed all of those people."

"I don't care! I will not be outdone by a guy whose named after a mythical horse!"

"Actually, his first name is Maximillion…" said Mokuba. "And do you really wanna wait down here with Alistair?"

"Alistair?" asked Kaiba…suddenly looking nervous.

"Yeah, HE went to go get an Ice cream cone for his little brother…"

"Really?"

"Yeah, but don't worry Seto, I still think you're the best brother in the world. Even if you don't buy me ice cream."

"Grrr! First Pegasus and NOW ALISTAIR? I will not sit around doing nothing while they try to beat me at everything!" Said Kaiba, angrily glaring at…um…nothing.

"So you're going to come with us after all?" asked Mokuba, smiling. "I knew you wouldn't abandon me Nii sama!"

"No Mokuba, I'm going to get you an ice cream cone!" Then Seto turned and began to run full speed, anime style, into the warped crowd of the dead. Mokuba frowned. And people thought Seto was the smart one.

Seto came upon an ice cream stand where Alistair was trying in vain to tell the zombie cashier how to make a hot fudge sundae. "No no! You put three scoops of ice cream in! And I told you to hold out on the chocolate! Mikey's allergic! Hey! Put more fudge on- and then the whip cream-HEY!" Alistair frowned as the zombie threw the dish at him (It missed).

"Alistair," Kaiba said as he ran to the stand, jumped over the counter and knocked the zombie out with his coat (?) Quickly, he made a hot fudge sundae himself and dashed out again. Alistair copied Kaiba and they both raced out, each trying to get to their little brother first.

"Alistair!" Kaiba seethed while he ran, "You're an awful brother!"

"No I'm not!" Alistair huffed, "You are!"

With that Kaiba promptly rammed into Alistair and sent the guy flying into a mob of zombies. "Nii Sama!" Mokuba cried out in glee when his brother returned to the helicopter, "I told them not to take off until you got back! Ooooh Ice Cream!" Mokuba grabbed the dish from Kaiba's hands and didn't say another word.

"Whats this?" Pharaoh asked angrily when Alistair, appearing mauled and frazzled, presented his. "The presentation is all wrong and where is the chocolate ice cream? Its my favorite! My godliness can not handle such idiocy! Be gone with you!" He dumped the sundae onto Alistair's shoes and stomped off. But Alistair didn't notice, in his little world Mikey had loved his ice cream and had given him a super cuddle in return.

"No you're the best brother!" Alistair repeated over and over in a pretend argument with Mikey.

Kaiba had somehow thought that the experience should have given him more reward. He had started out feeling grouchy and disarrayed and one sundae later had returned.. grouchy and disarrayed…but Mokuba had shut up, so all wasn't a complete loss.

"SUGAR!" Mokuba suddenly screamed happily.

Kaiba's fingers went to his temples in the familiar stressed businessman pose and he stalked off into the helicopter. Once everyone had been seated in the grotesquely purple whirly bird the story's characters (The ones who were still alive that is) were all flown to the very purple winter house of Maximillion Pegasus.

"Hello Yugi-boy!" Pegasus said in greeting when they arrived, giving the deeply annoyed Pharaoh a hug. "and Joey boy-" He hugged Joey and continued down the line of guests. "-and Tristan-boy, and Alistair boy, and Valon boy, and Raphael boy, oh Kaiba Boy! I'm delighted-" Kaiba 'politely' refused the hug, "-and Moku-boy and Mai-boy, and Dartzy boy and Bakura boy! And Tea- oh good, she's not here-any one else?"

"Ahem!" Weevil cleared his throat and stood on tip toe.

"No?" Pegasus said, "Well then, lets-"

"You forgot to say hello to Mikey!" Alistair declared indignantly, pointing to Pharaoh. Pegasus looked at Raphael for an answer. Raphael returned it with a look that said 'don't ask just do it'

"and MIKEY BOY!" Pegasus said, resqueezing the Pharaoh, "Who has a VERY special brother."

"SEE?" Alister yelled over to Kaiba.

"You're an idiot, Alister." Kaiba said calmly, preferring not to look at him. He was busy struggling to hold on to Mokuba who was trying, in his Sugar high, to see if he could actually bounce off of the walls.

Pharaoh was very displeased with all of this hugging, if this didn't stop his jacket would wrinkle! "Oh Mikey!" Alistair exclaimed, pouncing on him, "I told you we were going to a cute purple house!"

"Get off of me you injustice to the divine!" Pharaoh sneered as Alistair only hugged him tighter. When Alistair let go, Pharaoh's coat hung limp on his body…like a regular coat…

He was so embarrassed that he left the room. Kaiba, despite himself, felt the taddest bit bad for the Pharaoh…just a tad, mind you. He imagined how he'd feel if someone had hugged the coolness out of his coat. Fortunately Kaiba had extras, unfortunately Pharaoh only had one. And unfortunately for Kaiba this gave Mokuba an idea.

At dinner that evening almost everybody was seated at a long pink table with those obnoxious cartoon bunnies drawn on. Mokuba and Pharaoh were still missing. "MOKUBA!" Kaiba yelled at the top of his voice (it still managed to sound suave and cool). "WHATS TAKING YOU SO LONG?"

Mokuba's little dorky form appeared at the doorway to the dining room, "I was just helping Yugi!"

"Pharaoh!" Came a gruff voice somewhere from behind Mokuba, trying in vain to correct him.

Kaiba's eyes narrowed, "How?" He asked.

Mokuba stepped aside and revealed Pharaoh who was wearing a Kaiba original Anti-Gravitational coat. Everyone at the table applauded….except for Seto Kaiba.

"WHAT THE (bleep) is that (bleep) doing in my (bleep'n) coat?" Mokuba shrank away in fear, Pharaoh tried to look tough and intimidating but somehow the fact that half a yard of the coat was dragging on the floor and that the sleeves had to be rolled up, diminished from the overall effect. "My coat is at the dry cleaners!" he said.

"Can't you just not wear a coat?" asked Kaiba

"I suppose" said Pharaoh "but all I've got is a tank top underneath and I wouldn't want to look like" he shuddered "Alistair"

"Yeah, because that would be copying my look" said Alistair "and Copying isn't nice, right Mikey?" he said to Pharaoh.

"Alright then" said Kaiba "I suppose you can wear it, but only while your coat is at the cleaners"

"Thanks" said Pharaoh

"Don't do it again" said Kaiba

"Sorry?" said Joey, who hadn't heard what they had said.

"Apology accepted" said Weevil

"Mikey tells me to burn things" said Alistair

"Yes" said Pharaoh

"What?" asked everyone

"Huh?" asked Pharaoh.

"Would you all just shut up!" said Kaiba who was getting thoroughly annoyed.

"God Bless us," Said Mokuba, "Everyone!" And with that they all sat down to their Christmas dinner and Seto Scrooge got a heart (and we learned that Yu-Gi-Oh advertises a creed…)

Anyhoo….THE END….or is it?

It, in fact, is not (readers groan). Because we still haven't heard from…

"Me," Said Rex, who had not been mentioned for quite some time now. The last time we'd heard from Rex, he'd just disappeared from the trunk of the abandoned mini cooper. He'd had to walk for the last ten miles, suspecting that his friends were all at the mall. Well…they weren't, and Rex wasn't sure where to go now.

"Hey Rex!" came a number of familiar voices from behind him. Rex jumped around to see a crowd of zombies, more specifically; Tea, Yugi, Rebecca, Duke, and Gramps.

They weren't looking too good.

"Uh…hi." Said Rex

"urrrggg" said Yugi

"uuuuggggggg" said Rebecca

"huuugggg" said Tea

"mmmmm" said Gramps

"eaaatttt" said Duke, and they all gathered round for their Christmas Rex roast… which is odd…because it wasn't actually Christmas…

"ahhh" screamed Rex as the zombies crowded towards him.

"Stop" said someone, Rex turned around just in time to see Ryou who had somehow come all this way from Pegasus's house to save him. "Let's all calm down and sit in a circle" this statement distracted the zombies somewhat. And they all started for him instead of Rex.

"Good work" said Rex "now let's run before they get you"

But Ryou didn't seem to hear him "Hello" he said as the mass of now very angry zombies approached "Everyone, sit down and we can play a game"

"What are you doing!" asked Rex "They're going to eat you!"

"Hahaha" Ryou laughed "That's a great joke, let's all encourage Rex for being so creative" he started to clap "You should join the game!"

The Tea zombie started clapping too but stopped as the other zombies glared at her. Yugi glared at Ryou, suspecting that this MIGHT turn into a duel in the shadow realm. "Now everybody have a seat," Ryou said, a little annoyed that he had to repeat everything to the zombies. Tea sat down on command.

Rex thought that this might be part of a strategy that Ryou was playing out, but when Ryou sat down as well his heart sank, this guy was a complete idiot.

"Hey! You!" Rex yelled to Ryou, "Yeah you, prissy boy! Are we gonna dump this joint or what?"

Ryou gave Rex a polite smile "Its alright, Rex, we're all completely open to the fact that you're not like other people, we all respect you, would you like to play a game?"

"Ryou!" Yet another voice came sounding out of the drone of zombies. This time it was Tristan. "Damn it Ryou!" He said, "I thought you were watching Joey!"

"I was," Ryou said, "He's taking a nap,"

"Joey doesn't take naps," Tristan said angrily, "He closes his eyes, waits until you leave and then goes and eats! EATS!"

"He promised me that he wouldn't," said Ryou in confusion "He made a pinky promise." He extended a pinky as if it were some kind of proof.

"How do you know he didn't lie?" Rex asked.

"Hush," Tristan hissed to him, "Ryou doesn't understand lies. He has more innocence then Yugi did, and that's saying something."

"Oh…" said Rex, scratching his head in confusion. "Then…what'll we do? We can't just leave him here…can we?"

"I have an Idea," Said Tristan, and then yelled to Ryou "HEY! I have an Idea for a game!"

"Really?" Ryou said, "Why that's excellent! Why don't you have a sit down with the group and explain it to us."

Tristan looked warily at the zombies who were staring at him hungrily, "Uh…alright…" He shuffled over to the group and sat down. "Hey Duke," He muttered to the zombie that was drooling on his shoelaces.

"Alright everybody," Said Ryou happily, "Tristan is going to Teach us a game,"

"Uggggarrrrrrr!" The group of zombies said in unison.

"Uh…yeah," Said Tristan, "Its called Lets chase Ryou to the helicopter, its pretty self explanatory- and Ryou, you HAVE to run fast, no going easy on people for being zombies."

Ryou frowned, this wasn't his kind of game, "Is it violent?" He asked.

"Uh..no," Said Tristan, hiding the cricket bat behind his back, "Just run-and if you're caught just kick and scream until we rescue you."

"Oh now really," Ryou said, "That's sounds very violent!"

"No it doesn't," Tristan said, "Who else wants to play Chase Ryou to the Helicopter?" The zombies all paused and then yelled "Uuuuuuuugar!"

"See? They said yes! Would you really deny them a game just because it's a little dangerous?" Tristan put on a 'Mokuba' face, which completely failed to look like Mokuba…but Ryou fell for it.

"Alright then," Ryou said, "I just hope that you can keep up, I ran all the way here after all." They all gave him a blank expression before he said "Well then, lets began shall we?"

"Oh, one more thing…" said Tristan quickly. "If you DO catch Ryou, then you are under NO circumstances allowed to eat him. Got it?"

"Well what a strange thing to say…" laughed Ryou. Rex rolled his eyes.

"Okay," said Tristan, after every zombie had nodded. "On the count of three! Ready? One…"

"Three!" squealed Tea, jumping to her feet and running for Ryou. Ryou, who was caught off his guard, faltered and tripped as soon as he'd gotten up.

"Wait!" cried Tristan. "No- its not three yet!" But Tea had already pounced on Ryou and was now suffocating him with a Tea hug. "No!" Tristan and Rex ran to help Ryou. Unfortunately the zombies thought that he had said 'Go' and followed in close pursuit.

"Tea, get off of him-!" Tristan turned to see the rest of the zombies. "Uh…Ryou, I think you should start running…"

"Why-?"

"JUST GO!" Rex and Tristan grabbed Ryou's arms and started running. Luckily Ryou only weighed 10 pounds, so Tristan and Rex easily outran the others.

"Hey, what's go'in on?" asked Joey, suddenly appearing beside them, eating a sandwich as he ran.

"Joey! I thought you were taking a nap…" said Ryou, looking perplexed.

"I was…" said Joey, "but then you left and I decided to go and get someth'n to eat."

"See?" Said Tristan, "I told you that's what he'd do!"

"Stop arguing!" yelled Rex.

"But…you promised, Joey…" whimpered Ryou, Tears suddenly filling his eyes. "You pinky promised…" he held out his pinky and stared at it as if in awe. Suddenly malicious laughter could be heard as Ryou's Yami, Bakura, took over. This made Tristan and Rex stumble, for as we all know, Bakura weighs much more than his Hikari (?).

"What's going on?" asked Tristan, spitting out a mouthful of dirt. He and Rex had both fallen head first into the ground. Bakura was smiling evilly at them.

"Ryou?" asked Joey, "Eh…you don't look so good… you're like wear'n eye make up and your hair looks pointier…"

"This is no time to comment about minor details!" yelled Tristan. "Can't you see that we're being chased by zombies!"

"Yeah…but he looks taller too…like Yugi does sometimes. Hey, ya think Yugi has a…I dunno, an alter ego or something?"

Tristan suddenly stopped, turned, gave Joey an exasperated look, and went to a nearby tree to hit his head against it. But somehow the head hitting just didn't seem to describe how frustrated he was, so he threw himself into the stampede of the zombies.

"Uh Tristan… are you alright?" asked Joey.

"Unfortunately yes!" came Tristan's voice. "Apparently I should've named the game 'chase Tristan'." This was true, for the Zombies were so entranced with this game that the ONLY person they wanted to catch was Ryou…who was now Bakura… who was now safely on the Helicopter (Well, he is a fast runner…)

**Thank You for reading… and you had better review! Flames are welcome…in fact, make em really nasty. I'm very amused when I receive flames for a parody. But if you don't feel like flaming, and wish to tell me how good this chapter was, then by all means DO IT! It feeds my ever growing ego, and allows for my head to grow bigger… which is really annoying my sisters who are probably pissed that I keep on taking all the credit for this story. (receives a glare from a sister) Erm… yeah, they helped…But I did all the pure genius parts!**


	9. Vodka and Bananas

**Disclaimer: Yugioh isn't mine…neither are the characters. **

**Chapter Warning: Contains violence, drinking and more RANDOMNESS! You have been warned…**

"What are you doing here?" asked Pharaoh Atem, who'd been waiting in the Helicopter for Tristan and Joey to return.

"Pharaoh!" hissed Bakura.

"Tomb robber!" seethed Pharaoh suddenly standing up.

"Its time to Duel!" they said together, and activated their Duel discs. (A/N: Yeah, I finally figured out what they're called…)

"Mind if we take this to the shadow realm!" asked Bakura, "We haven't been there for quite some time now have we?"

"Oh, go ahead." Said Pharaoh, good naturedly. "And I think the last time we dueled in the shadow realm was…gosh…" he scratched the back of his neck as he racked his brain. "Last…Wednesday?"

"Hmm…I think it was Thursday…" said Bakura. "But no matter, the point is I think its about time we revisited it."

"NO!" gasped Pharaoh, dropping to his knees.

"What?" asked Bakura. "But I thought you just agreed to do it?"

"I did," huffed the Pharaoh. "But even you should know that its customary for me to say 'no' before we duel. Its tradition."

"Its stupid." Replied Bakura, crossing his arms. "It makes no sense. If you want to duel then just SAY you want to duel."

"But…tradition…" Pharaoh began.

"To hell with tradition!"

"NO!" Shouted Pharaoh,

"What?"

"Oh…don't mind me, its just another tradition." Bakura raised his eyebrows, nonplussed. "Its just something I have to say when you tell me not to do something…" Pharaoh explained.

"But IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE!" Bakura said, gritting his teeth. "And since when did you start acting accordingly to the formalities of the show!"

"Since forever!" said Pharaoh, sticking out his tongue.

"But you killed your companions quickly enough! And that's not supposed to happen!"

"I didn't kill Joey!" Pharaoh snapped, "But he's lucky. I was going to do it that last time we were at Kaiba's house, but it just slipped my mind."

"So, what's up with this tradition stuff?"

"Well maybe I LIKE IT!" Said the Pharaoh, turning and looking dramatic. Its time for a vision into the past!

_We see Pharaoh, he's eight years old…he's doing something very important… its-_

"What are you freaks doing?" Kaiba asked. He'd been trying to take Alistair away from the Helicopter's controls but the attempt(s) had been unsuccessful. Alistair insisted that he was going to Teach Mikey how to fly and had apparently created an imaginary Mikey in Pharaoh's absence. Right now Mikey was steering. "We're all going to die," Kaiba muttered.

"What?" Asked Ryou, Bakura had disappeared into his millennium item when Pharaoh had grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and threatened to stab him with the millennium puzzle.

Pharaoh instantly let go of Ryou, who fell to the floor (Don't worry, he laughed it off) "I'm too GODLY to die!" Pharaoh exclaimed woefully.

Kaiba had been about to explain that he had been exaggerating but this was more entertaining. He smiled as Pharaoh burst into Tears. Seeing Pharaoh cry Ryou knelt beside him and said, "Well it could be worse, at least we're dieing with our friends. And that's all that matters."

"But…but my kingliness, no, I think I'm going to let Yugi come back and HE can die and then I will take over his body again and-"

"Yugi's already dead you moron." Said Kaiba.

"What? He can't be! Yugi! YUGI! It should've been me, NOT HIM!" Pharaoh angrily pounded his fists on the floor, as Tears came streaming from his eyes. "Why? WHY?"

"Because you killed him." Said Kaiba blankly, he was beginning to feel a little creeped out.

"You…killed him?" asked Ryou, growing pale.

"Yeah? So what!" demanded the Pharaoh, defensively. "Its not MY fault he pissed off the great and powerful Pharaoh!"

Back on the ground:

"Crap!" Tristan exclaimed as he, Joey and Rex watched the Helicopter fly off into the distance.

"Tristan!" Joey scolded, "You know you're not supposed to swear!"

"Oops, I mean- THOSE JERKS!" Tristan yelled.

"Won't they notice that you guys are gone?" Rex asked, "You are the Main character's cheerleaders,"

"No," Tristan sighed, "Now that Yugi's dead nobody cares about us…"

"I'm right here you guys!" Said Yugi's zombie, "I'll never forget about you. As long as we have the heart of the cards we'll always be friends."

There was a pause as everybody struggled with the stupidity of this statement. Finally Tristan said "You're not Yugi, you're a zombie!" But he did look an awful lot like Yugi. Yugi gave a giggle and said "Zombies? Oh Tristan, we're not zombies! To be zombies we'd have to die and we can't die because we're important to this G rated show!"

"But what about Tea?" Asked Joey, pointing to the smelly bag of flesh that used to be Tea. Tea gave a giggle almost as dorky as Yugi's.

"I'm not a zombie!" She laughed. To everybody's surprise a zipper appeared on her forehead, slowly it unzipped and what climbed out of it was something so horrible and vulgar that its almost to gruesome to put into words- It was Tea….alive and healthy.

"But how the hell did you do that?" Asked Joey, "You fell off of a cliff, we melted your face, you probably got shot more than once-"

"Oh Joey," Tea laughed, "The power of friendship helped me, silly goose! But more importantly I was wearing a blow up Tea Suit!"

Tristan's scalp had become a lumberjack. "This-" Bam, "is," Bam, "So," Bam, "CONFUSING!" Another tree fell down and then Tristan politely returned to the group and asked "So what are all these other people who yell 'Uuuugar'?"

"Mostly fans," Yugi explained, "I think you might even have one, Tristan."

"UUUUUUUUGAR!" The crowd yelled.

"Why are they shouting Ugar?" Joey asked.

"Ugar?" Yugi said, "Oh Joey, its not Ugar, its Sugar! You of all people should have understood THAT!"

Everybody, except for Joey, laughed.

"Huh," Said Rex, "So we're safe? No more running from zombies?"

"Yeah," Said Tristan, "And what about Kaiba's parents? How is it that they were eating dinner with Kaiba when they're dead?"

Yugi and Tea both giggled obnoxiously, "Is your head on straight, Tristan? We never saw Kaiba's parents!"

"Valon saw his dad!" Joey pointed out, "And Pharaoh killed him,"

"Yeah," Said Tea, "But that was Kaiba's STEP DAD!"

Tristan was exasperated, "His step dad is dead too,"

"But that was Kaiba's NEW step dad," Yugi said, "Didn't you know? Kaiba got himself adopted again!"

"But he's eighteen already! He owns a company!" Rex put in.

"He got sick of taking care of Mokuba," Yugi said, frowning.

"That's so mean!" Said Tea.

"And it still doesn't explain why he had HIMSELF adopted!" Tristan sighed.

"You lost me," Yugi said.

"Huh?" Put in Tea.

"ARGGH!" Tristan yelled and ran over to his therapy trees.

Meanwhile Mokuba was still at Pegasus's house along with Valon, Raphael, Mai, Weevil and Dartz.

"Oh Dartzy-boy…" Pegasus said, pouring Dartz a cup of purply perfumy Tea. "Its just lovely to see you again, how have things been going?"

Dartz stared at his cup of tea, obviously remembering his Ming Dynasty tea pot, and cursed under his breath.

"What was that Dartzy?" Asked Pegasus, "Did I just hear a naughty word?"

"None of your business, you cartoon bunny obsessed maniac. What is this stuff anyhow! It looks revolting!" Said Dartz bitterly.

"Its tea!" Pegasus snapped. "And I don't see why you're so moody. I thought you liked tea!"

"What's up with them?" asked Mokuba, referring to the arguing villains. Valon sighed.

"Oh them, they go way back. Used to be childhood pals, didn't you know?"

"Really?" asked Mokuba, his eyes widening as they usually do when we reach an important part of a story.

"No, but it would make a good story wouldn't it?" said Valon. "The truth is, Dartz hates Pegasus's guts because of a duel they had a couple weeks ago. Noth'n too serious, plus Pharaoh broke Dartz's tea pot and he'd rather not think about it."

"Oh…" said Mokuba. "Where is the Pharaoh anyhow? Niisama's gonna be mad if anything happens to his coat. And trust me when I say that you've never seen my brother mad until you've ruined one of his coats." Mokuba gulped, it did bring back memories.

"Oh please," said Mai, rolling her eyes. "What's the worst he could do?" Well this is our cue to check up on what's happening on the helicopter, where the Pharaoh has just torn a fairly big hole in one of Kaiba's favorite coats.

"Ahhh, no, I didn't mean to! I just…it kind of…no! I promise I'll fix it!" Squealed the Pharaoh, who was dangling out of the helicopter's door.

"I'd like to see you try!" said Kaiba, flames rising in his eyes, as he firmly gripped the Pharaoh's ankle. "That coat was tailor made in a remote village in the Himilayas by the only person who knows haw to accomplish anti- gravitational force in fabric substances!"

"But I'm the all powerful Pharaoh!" Pharaoh scoffed, he wasn't feeling to all-powerful though, because the blood was rushing to his head and he was feeling a little dizzy. "Uh Kaiba," He said, "I don't feel so good."

"What was that, nerd?" Asked Kaiba, he decided to pull Pharaoh back into the helicopter and unfortunately that's when Pharaoh's nausea hit it's peak.

There were disgusting gagging noises and then Kaiba saw his coat.

"MY COAT! YOU FREAK! YOU HORRIBLE, SICK, LITTLE FREAK!" (Alright, so maybe freak wasn't exactly his wording, but come on, this is a kid's show.)

"I'm going to stick you out of this helicopter again," Kaiba said, grabbing for Pharaoh's ankle, "And this time I'm going to let go,"

But Pharaoh was too fast for Kaiba this time and ran away…straight out of the helicopter…Yes I know that all of you yu-gi-oh super fans are in agony at this point, but lets remember the wisdom of Yugi, shall we? (Big awkward silence) …alright then, lets just remember what he told Tristan, Nobody important dies in yu-gi-oh. So this is where the ever heroic Ryou saves the day.

This was it, Pharaoh, despite his godliness, was going to die! It was all in anime' slow motion as Pharaoh fell, which gave him plenty of time to think.

_I'm sorry for being evil, I'm sorry that I killed Yugi, I'm sorry that I ruined Kaiba's coat- _His thoughts were interrupted when a hand grabbed the chain around his neck and caught him by the throat.

"Don't worry!" Came Ryou's sing song voice, "Its me, Ryou, and I won't let you fall!"

"Ryou!" Gagged Pharaoh, "Pull me up!"

"What was that?" Asked Ryou, giggling, "You look awfully funny just dangling there with you face turning blue! Kaiba should get a picture!"

"What ever Dork," Kaiba muttered from inside of the helicopter.

Suddenly someone yelled "MIKEY! What are you doing outside of the Helicopter? I thought you were driving!"

"Crap," Kaiba muttered and quickly ran into the cockpit.

"Don't swear In front of Mikey!" Yelled Alistair. He shoved Ryou out of the way and pulled Pharaoh up. Once they were inside the helicopter Alister cradled Pharaoh in his arms, "Its alright Mikey, You're safe now."

Pharaoh had passed out so, on the whole, everybody was happy…except for Kaiba, but when is he actually happy? Well, actually Kaiba was feeling even less happier than usual. He was feeling down right crappy because not only had Alistair left the driving of the helicopter to an imaginary brother, the imaginary brother had managed to aim the helicopter into the direction of Dartz's building and had then gotten it jammed into autopilot. "Double Crap," Kaiba shouted as the helicopter slammed into the 'secret' lair of Dartz's.

To be continued….

Perky Perkinson: Heeeellllllooooooo to a Gal-orious morning! The clouds are dark, the rain is wet and listen to that thunder! Any who, this program is brought to you by Cute but Vicious Marshmallow Rum Bunnies from the creators of peeps, eat with caution!

Narrator (aka Atem): Previously on Yugioh! I- cough I mean – Pharaoh was rescued by Alistair from falling to his doom after he angered Kaiba by destroying a Kaiba anti-gravitational coat. Tristan, Joey and Rex were deserted by Bakura and found out that there were no zombies while Mikey flew the helicopter right into the super secret lair belonging to Dartz. Here, watch an intro!

Intro plays, it's really cool and the super yu-gi-oh fans applaud its nerdiness

Back at the Purple Pegasus Palace Mokuba sighed, "I sure hope Setos alright, he didn't even say goodbye…or blow me a kiss…not even a pat on the shoulder…" Mokuba was close to Tears and Valon was writing this all up onto a Kaiba gossip site. "He didn't even sing the good bye song!" Mokuba wailed, "He always sings the goodbye song!" Mokuba began to sing, "Bye little brother, I'll be back soon. I'll miss you dear brother, maybe 'round noon. I love you Moku', you're my little bro, and I'm so sorry that I have to goooooooo!"

"er," Coughed Valon, trying to sound casual while he typed, "So what else does Kaiba do?"

"Well," Said Mokuba as Tears welled up into the corners of his eyes, "He always carries a picture of me and I carry one of him. See?" He showed Valon the card locket that he wore around his neck, "It's a picture of him when we were still living in the orphanage."

"Lets have a look!" Valon said. He took the picture from Mokuba and quickly scanned it on to the web page. "Thanks," He said when he was done, "Its been a real help,"

"With what?" Asked Mokuba.

Valon slammed the laptop computer shut when Mokuba tried to look over his shoulder and said, "Oh, just understanding Seto Kaiba, that's all."

At that moment Kaiba burst into the room, using one hand to drag Alistair by the ankle, and his other hand to drag Pharaoh. They were followed by Ryou and Mikey, but because Mikey is imaginary he wasn't there.

"Nii Sama!" Mokuba exclaimed, "What happened?"

"This idiot," Kaiba held up a struggling Pharaoh, "Ruined by coat, this idiot," He held up Alistair, "Crashed the Helicopter into a sky scraper,"

"I didn't do it!" Alistair yelled, "Mikey did!"

Kaiba ignored Alistair and narrowed his eyes at Valon, "What are you doing with my laptop?" He asked. Valon looked down at the computer as if in surprise.

"Well now how do you suppose that got there?" Valon exclaimed.

Kaiba's frown deepened but he was too absorbed in holding onto the two 'idiots' to be too suspicious. "Mokuba," He said. Mokuba's eyes widened, that was Kaiba's 'its time you learned your lesson' voice.

"Yes nii sama?" Mokuba squeaked.

"My coat is un-repairable, its either your fault or," He kicked at Pharaoh, "His,"

Mokuba swallowed loudly. Kaiba continued, "So its time to choose. Who's going to get punished?"

Instantly Mokuba pointed to Pharaoh.

"Hey! You're the one who told me I could WEAR the coat." Said the Pharaoh, "You've betrayed me, Mokuba, BETRAYED ME!"

"Oh great," Kaiba said as Mokuba gave a squeal and ran away, "He's going to be waking me up with nightmares for weeks after this," But he didn't sound at all unhappy. "Hey Valon?" asked Kaiba. "You're good at this torturing stuff, why don't you do it?" Valon smirked.

"Sure thing," he said, "Just let me put your computer away and-"

"Which reminds me," Kaiba snapped, "What were you doing on my computer?"

"Me?" Asked Valon, innocently, "I was just hold'n it for safe keeping, Mokuba wanted to play games on it,"

In truth Mokuba HAD played games on it, that was how Valon had gotten passed the password problem. Mokuba had even excitedly said it aloud while he typed it in, "kittensarekute-with a 'k' in cute!" he had giggled.

"So," Said Valon, returning to the present, "I told him 'no Mokuba, your brother does important business on the computer,' and when he insisted- well, I had to take it from him, and that's when you came in here dragging these two," He pointed to Alistair and then to Pharaoh who was squirming, wormlike, trying to get out of Kaiba's grip.

"Oh," Said Kaiba, "That…that sounded like a lie, Valon, but I'll let you off for now because someone here needs to be punished."

Pharaoh was indignant, "HOW DARE YOU PUNISH THE ALMIGHTY-"

"Stuff it, Loser," Kaiba said, putting his shoe in Pharaoh's mouth.

"Well that's not very nice," Came Ryou's voice, "Why don't we all sit down and talk this through,"

Pharaoh spit out the shoe, "Yes, yes," He gasped, "Lets just talk this through,"

"We're finished with talking, remember?" Kaiba said coldly, "You opened your mouth but all I heard was retching!"

Everybody made a face at this visual, except for Ryou who said "Well then, maybe it was just a misunderstanding!"

"Misunderstanding my-" Began Kaiba but was cutoff by-

"Let him down you big meanie!" Came a voice that sounded completely identical to Tea's. That's because it was Tea's voice. Tea, Tristan, Joey, Rex, Rebecca, Duke and Yugi had just entered the large purple room.

Kaiba dropped Pharaoh and Alistair in disbelief, and Pharaoh fell safely into Alistair's arms. Then Tea fought Alistair for Pharaoh and Tristan beat up Ryou.

For no apparent reason Valon decided to join the fray and beat up Joey. Then, when Yugi and Ryou tried to end it by preaching the heart of the cards (Tristan had run off to save Joey) Kaiba and Raphael challenged them both to a duel.

So there was a duel, Raphael (who was dueling Yugi) played the seal of Oricalkose, made a few great moves and Yugi lost his soul (When will he learn?). Kaiba went easy on Ryou by NOT playing the seal of Oricalkose, which was lucky for Ryou who lost by a long shot. He kept on playing cards that included the words peace, friendship, and Tea Original (which was just a note card that Tea had scribbled on).

It took hours but, by the end of the day, everybody was too tired to hate each other. Pharaoh was so tired that he didn't even attempt to 'mourn' Yugi's unfortunate loss of his soul.

"What the hell am I doing in this Apron again?" asked Kaiba, looking down at himself. They were all lounging in Pegasus's large living room.

"Getting us drinks." Said Bakura.

"Ah yes," said Pharaoh Atem, who was lazily trying to beat Bakura in a video game. "My Godly thirst must be quenched."

"Ooh! I'll do it!" exclaimed Alistair , jumping to his feet and also putting on an apron.

"Yay! Friendship drinks!" shouted Tea.

"No, These drinks are for Mikey!" Alistair said, putting his hands on his hips. "Isn't that right Mikey?" He looked to Pharaoh for an answer. Pharaoh nodded.

"And me, right Seto?" said Mokuba, who had appeared just seconds before. He frowned as he saw Kaiba throw his Apron to the floor, stomp on it a few times, and then walk away. "But Niisama!" whined Mokuba, "I'm really REALLY thirsty!"

"Get it yourself," muttered Kaiba, "You're what, ten now?"

"I'm 11!" Mokuba said indignantly.

"Right, so get it yourself!"

"But I want you to get it Seto," Said Mokuba, annoyingly. "You make the best drinks! You know, the ones with the vodka, and the bananas-" Mokuba stopped as Kaiba quickly turned and put a hand over his mouth.

"How do you know about that!" He asked, turning red. The rest of the room broke into laughter…well, except for Pharaoh who quickly demanded that Alistair make him one, without delay. Kaiba scowled at them, and led his brother out into the hallway. Mokuba looked scared, and Kaiba withdrew his hand so that he could speak. "Mokuba?" He said, sounding less and less big brotherly every second (or more so, depending on who you ask…)

"Know about it?" said Mokuba, innocently. "I have them all the time."

"WHAT?" Growled Kaiba. "I've never made you anything like that before!"

"Well of course you haven't Niisama," said Mokuba, starting to giggle…which halted abruptly as he saw the look on his brother's face. "Er… well, I guess I just kind of…stole them when you turned around…or when you were on the phone. You just never seemed to notice."

Kaiba paused, did this mean that he was a bad older brother? (Wow, this is a super genius techie, CEO of Kaiba corp. who's wondering this. You expect this sort of thing from Joey or Tristan,)

"Seto?" Mokuba asked, there was only a faint smile on his face now, "You're getting that moral dilemma look on your face,"

"I didn't know I had a look for that," Remarked Seto in surprise.

"Yeah," Said Mokuba, "Its sort of a screwed up grimace. Like you're only struggling to comprehend it,"

"Hmmm," Said Kaiba as he thought this over (He preferred thinking about this rather than thinking about intoxicating his brother) "Uh…does it look good on me?"

"What?" Asked Mokuba.

Kaiba sighed in exasperation, "All of my looks must look good on me, like my deep thought scowling, my angry scowling, my selfish scowling-"

"You wear that one a lot," Mokuba broke in.

"-and my stressed businessman pose," Kaiba finished.

"Sometimes you smile triumphantly," Mokuba added.

"I do?" Asked Kaiba, "I'll have to fix that,"

"WHERES MY DRINK!" Pharaoh Atem was heard yelling from the living room. Something fragile and probably belonging to Dartz was heard breaking and Alistair started scolding him.

"ALRIGHT MIKEY! That enough! Its time for a time out!" Alistair said.

"A time what?" Pharaoh snapped.

"Oh, I'm sorry Mikey," Alistair apologized immediately, "I lost my temper, I hope you still love me!"

"NEVER!" Pharaoh screamed.

"No YOU'RE the best brother!" Alistair replied, and began repeating it over and over. Kaiba and Mokuba watched as the broken schizophrenic passed by them, still muttering to himself.

"He has issues," Kaiba said, wondering if he ought to be shielding Mokuba from this or something.

"He's just jealous!" Mokuba said, with absolutely no basis for the statement, "He knows that you're the better brother."

Kaiba smiled.

"There it is!" Mokuba said, holding a pocket mirror up to Kaiba's face, "See? Its Triumphant!"

Kaiba slapped the mirror away and put on his deep thought scowl, "Why do you carry a pocket mirror, anyways?" He asked, trying to change the subject. Mokuba blushed as he picked it up off of the floor.

"sometimesineeditforapplyingmymakeup," He said very quickly and quietly.

"I won't ask…" said Kaiba, but was distracted from…uh…not asking when two arguing men suddenly bumped into him and Mokuba. "Watch it!" exclaimed Kaiba, seeing that his Jacket had wrinkled slightly. The two men were Pegasus, and Dartz. They appeared to have not even noticed the Kaiba brothers.

"Oh Dartzy-boy! Why do you have to be so disagreeable!" Asked Pegasus, shoving past Seto.

"I'm not being disagreeable! I'm being reasonable! I don't think there's a person here, other than yourself of course, that wants to have cartoon bunnies painted on his face!" He said, practically stepping over Mokuba.

From the living room could be heard Yugi and co. shouting something about Joey and food. Right after that Joey came fuming straight into Mokuba.

"OW!" Mokuba said as he was squished onto the floor. Joey was standing right on top of him and appeared not to have noticed.

"HEY!" Seto Kaiba yelled "Mutt! Get off of my brother!"

"I WANNA YELL TOO!" Was all Joey said, "You're all insane! All of you! I don't remember any of you people being like this before we met those fan fic writers! Now the only ones who're the same are Tea, Me and-"

"I said get off of my brother!" Kaiba growled, and then punched Joey who collapsed onto the floor, either unconscious from the attack or how extremely drunk he was on Banana & Vodka fresh from the blender… Mokuba crawled out from underneath him.

"Thanks Nii-Sama," He said, "You're the best!"

Sadly enough Kaiba had only used Mokuba as an excuse to hit Joey, he'd been meaning to beat that mutt up for a while now. Mokuba, who had expected a hug, just got his hair ruffled while Seto handed him a wad of cash. Ah, brotherly love.

**(A/N: fanfic writers stand for the genius writers of this master piece, Sorry, we are not responsible for any trauma that this fanfic has caused upon extreme fans of Yu-gi-oh or Anti-gravitational Coats) Remember to review… well, you don't have to really. But it would be nice. I've already got the next 100 pages to put on here and the more you review the faster I'll put it up. **


	10. Two souls, one heart

So, it was a 'slight' exaggeration when we said that everbody was too tired to hate each other. Infact, due to their lack of sleep they were, 'in the obnoxious words of tea', Gwumpy Gusses...most of them.

Ryou sighed. He was sitting on the couch in the living room thinking to his yami, he was having very much fun.

_Why can't everybody just calm down and sit in a circle? _He asked Bakura.

**Must kill pharaoh! Must kill pharaoh! **Chanted Bakura

_If they weren't so angry they might actually have fun, _Ryou continued.

**MUST KILL PHARAOH! MUST KILL PHARAOH! MUST KILL-**

_Yami! _Ryou said, in his thoughts, _Aren't you listening to me?_

**MUST KILL PHARAOH! MUST KILL- Sorry Ryou, were you saying something? **Bakura asked, though the tone of his voice strongly suggested that he didn't actually care.

_I think that we should get their attention and have them sit in a-_

**Let me guess, a circle? **Bakura asked, **Jeeze Ryou, maybe if you diversified a little people might actually like us.**

_Everybody loves the circle game! _Ryou replied, _They tell me so everytime! _

**You've only completed the circle game once, **Bakura pointed out, **And they were only being polite.**

_Fine, _Said Ryou in a defeated thought voice, _What would you like to play?_

Oh the ideas were overwhelming. Bakura chuckled evilly as all of the plans came to mind, but one in particular stood out. **I think that we should murder yugi and pharaoh and steal their millennium item!**

Ryou frowned, that didn't seem nice at all. But Bakura never got to choose the games, maybe he could go along with his Yami's idea for once. _Alright then, _He said, _but lets not make it too violent, alright? I don't want to have those nightmares again!_

**That had nothing to do with nightmares, I've told you this already! **Bakura huffed, **Besides, your bladder was weak back then! And you can always wear a dia-**

_Never mind! _Ryou thought hurriedly, _Just explain the game._

**I did, **Bakura said.

_But you made it sound as if we're actually going to kill Yugi and his Yami and take their millenium item._

**That was the general idea. **Bakura sighed.

_Oh, _Ryou shrugged, _I thought it was tag or something._

**Well its not.**

Ryou nodded, paused and then added _Are you sure?_

**Yes.**

There was a pause

_Are you really sure?_

**Yes.**

_Are you really, really-_

**Yes! I'm sure! Okay? Can we just get on with the plan- I mean game?**

_Okay._

So Ryou and his yami went off to kill Yugi and his yami. But when they found Pharoah they found that Yugi was nowhere to be seen. "How thick are you?" Asked Pharaoh, "Yugi's soul was taken! Remember?"

"Oh yeah," Said Ryou, "Me and my Yami were going to play a game where we killed you and took your millenium puzzle, but now I guess we can't because it would be uneven and-"

"You idiot!" Said Bakura, "You weren't supposed to tell him!"

"This was Bakura's idea, wasn't it?" Asked Pharaoh.

Ryou nodded.

"Well I have a better game!" Said Pharaoh, "Simple enough for even you to comprehend. Its called Bakura and Pharaoh have a duel in the shadow realm while Ryou goes and sits in the living room."

"That sounds fun!" Said Ryou, and went to go and sit down. Don't ask how he got separated from his Yami to do this because truthfully we don't know...or care.

"Who ever wins gets the other person's millenium item!" Said Bakura.

"You're on," Said Pharaoh, but just then something very strange happened. Everything went dark, a spot light showed on Pharaoh who grew about a foot shorter. Then it got light again and a dorky voice said "Lets duel!"

"What the-" Bakura started, "Yugi, I thought you were dead!"

Yugi sighed and rolled his eyes, "Come on, didn't I explain this before? Nobody can actually DIE in this story."

"But this is between me and Pharaoh! Bring him back!"

"Now now," Said Yugi, "I think that our differences should be settled differently. With out the fighting."

"Wimp," Bakura remarked snidely. Yugi ignored this fairly well.

"You sound like Ryou," Bakura added. Yugi just clenched his fists and pretending not to hear.

Bakura leaned towards his ear and whispered, "You sound like Tea-"

"Thats it!" Yugi shouted, "Pharaoh, kick this guy's aelevator music plays loudly and obnoxiously until the profanity ends," There was a burst of light, a "Yu-Gi-OH!" and then Pharaoh was back.

"Now its time to duel!" Bakura laughed.

"Lets duel," Pharoah said.

"Yeah, thats what I just said," Bakura remarked with annoyance.

"Sorry, its tradition," Pharaoh sighed.

"But it doesn't make any sense!" Ryou's Yami growled.

"What?" Atem asked.

"Not this again!" Bakura was getting rather confused.

"Yes: Pharaoh said, out of the blue. Bakura ran off and nobody dueled. Unfortunately for Pharaoh, Bakura still managed to swipe the Millennium puzzle.

Mai, who we haven't heard a lot about lately, was sitting in a big cushy chair, painting her nails a sinister black while watching TV. The television was just about to tell her who had gotten voted off of the island when Valon sat down infront of her.

"Hey!" She said, slapping the side of his head, "What'd you do that for?"

"Ow! That Hurt, Mai," he said, rubbing the side of his head.

"Good," She replied, "it should, seeing as how I just missed the name of the person who got voted off!"

"It was-"

"Forget it," She said, sighing and rolling her eyes. "The moments over, why don't you just tell me what the hell you're doing with that computer."

Valon looked down at the laptop he was holding and smiled wickedly, "Whats it to ya, Valentine?" He asked.

"Nothing, in fact, I don't care what you've got on that stupid computer."

"Oh I think you would..." He smirked, "In fact, I think a few of these might actually mention you. But, you know, if you're not interested then-"

"One date!" Said Mai quickly. Curious, despite herself.

"Sorry Valentine, I'm afraid it just won't do..."

"Two!" Mai said, "It's my final offer so take it or leave it,"

"You just don't get it, do you?" He said, opening up the computer and loading a page, "I don't want your love any more, Mai. I wan't something better."

"Money?" She asked, hopefully, handing him a wad of cash.

"Nope"

"Then what do you want?" She asked, stuffing the money back into her pocket and scowling, "Because I'm not going to kill Wheeler for you."

"Gossip," Said Valon., "I want the latest on Wheeler, and make it good."

"Done!" Mai smiled mischeviously and took out a little book labled 'Latest gossip on wheeler', which she handed to Valon. Valon took it and, after checking it over, gave a nod of approval.

"I think you'll find that its gossip well spent," He said, "What I've found here is Kaiba's fan site AND," His wicked smile broadened, "The fanfics..." Mai's jaw dropped.

"You know," Said Tristan, yawning as he looked at his watch, "Its been a REALLY long day. I think I'll go to bed."

"Me too," Said Tea, "Pharaoh! Its your bed time too!"

"The great Pharaoh does not have a bed time!" Said Pharaoh.

"If Pharaoh gets to stay up late then so do I!" Said Yugi stubbornly standing behind his Yami.

"Sheesh," Said Joey, "You two are gonna be crabby in the morning," He went to bed.

"Can you believe them?" Asked Pharaoh as Tea, Tristan, Joey, Ryou and Pegasus headed in, "Its only three thirty in the morning!"

"I know," Said Yugi, "So what do you want to do?"

"Lets eat ice cream and watch bad late night comedy," Said Pharaoh, and they both headed towards the kitchen where Yugi found two bowls and filled them three feet high with ice cream. "Do you think that this will be enough?" He asked, Pharaoh nodded and they went into the living room to see if south park was on. Instead they found Mai and Valon both staring at the computer screen with looks that were in between amusement and horror.

"Whats going on here?" Asked Pharaoh, "And why are you obstructing our view of the television?"

"We got a better view than the telly." Valon chuckled, paging down the lap top, "Infact, we got some nice bed time stories for you two, so have a sit down," He and Mai scooted down the sofa and patted the cushion beside them. "Uh oh," Said Mai, after quickly reading over Valon's shoulder, "This ones raters PG 9 1/2."

"Yugi, go to bed," Pharaoh instructed.

"I'm older then nine and a half!" Yugi argued.

"Its rated for mild abbreviations and/or substitutions of profanity," Mai commented.

"See Yugi?" Pharaoh said, "Your mother would never allow it!"

Yugi scratched his head, trying to remember the last time he'd even seen his mother..."She's okay with it now," He said, it was a lie.

"Alright then!" Valon laughed, "This ones called 'Two Souls, one heart', awe, that sounds sweet! Righto, I'll read it aloud."

_"It can't be" said Seto Kaiba as Mokuba finished explaining what he'd seen._

_"Its true," Mokuba sighed and muttered, "I know how much you loved him but Pharaoh IS cheating on you,"_

_"With...who?" Kaiba asked dramatically, closing his eyes as if he could blind himself from the truth. Mokuba took a moment, this would be hard on his older brother._

_"With...with...with..."_

_"JUST SAY IT!" Kaiba snapped, slamming his hands onto his desk, tears sliding down his cheeks._

_"With Yugi Motou," Mokuba said, "I saw them kissing in the library."_

"Well," Valon looked up. Pharaoh was blushing but Yugi looked horrified.

"THATS AWFUL!" Yugi said, "Who wrote this?"

"Uh," Pharoah scrambled over to Valon and slammed the lap top shut, "No one, I'm sure...but it was very good writing, wouldin't you say?" The look that everybody gave him can only be described with 0.o, "I think that we've heard enough from that genre," Pharaoh added, face redder then ever.

"Alright," Mai said, taking the lap top and scrolling down the fan fiction page, "This one says that its humor/ parody. I'll read it. Its titled 'A Yu-Gi-Oh parody', uh oh Yugi, its rated for extreme Language, violence and references to alcohol, drugs and sugar. Are you SURE that your mom wont mind?"

"I'm surem" Yugi lied, taking a huge bite of ice cream.

"Alright," Mai shrugged.

_The Pharaoh, Tea., Joey and that guy with the pointy hair all walked together. Trying to get somewhere they desperately needed to get to so they could have a good old fashioned duel._

"Pointy haired guy?" Valon asked, "Lets change that to bald guy, shall we? He tampered with the fan fiction while Yugi tried to tell him that he shouldn't and Mai read on.

_"How much longer are we gonna walk?" Asked Joey, ever the comic relief._

_"Oh Joey!" Laughed that guy with no hair, "Can't you think of anything other than food?"_

Yugi, Pharaoh, Mai and Valon burst into laughter at this. An angered Joey yelled japanese profanity at them from his bed and they all laughed even harder.

"Hmm," Pharaoh said, after they had all finished laughing, "This is rather boring, isn't it?"

"Yeah," Yugi said, "It said Humor and Parody but it all sounded pretty truthful to me...as if some one out there is actually writing what we we do and say..."

"Yugi Motou?" A mysterious man dressed in black put a hand on Yugi's shoulder, "You need to come with us,"

"I'll just be a moment, you guys," Yugi said, not questioning the stranger who had appeared out of nowhere. He was taken into another room, there were some noises akin to someone having their memories modified and then Yugi returned and the man left.

"What was that about?" Asked Pharaoh.

"What was what about?" Asked Yugi.

Everyone shrugged and found another fan fic.

"I think we should read this one," Said Pharaoh, pointing to another romance.

"I don't know..." Began Mai, "Its rated PG13,"

Yugi looked indignant, "I can handle it!" He said, through gritted teeth, "Just as long as there are no pairings with me!"

Mai and Pharoah looked to Valon. "Fine by me," He said, grinning.

"I'll read," Said Pharaoh Atem, "Ahem..."

**Heart aches and new beginnings.**

**Tea Gardner had never really fit in with the gang. Tristan, Yugi and Joey had always been crude, rude and mean.**

"Hey!" Said Yugi. Valon clamped a hand over his mouth before he could protest anymore.

**All she'd ever wanted were some true friends. People she could truly confide in. This was why she was now standing outside of Dartz's secret lair. In hopes that friendship lay inside.**

**"Hello there..." Came a soft voice with an australian accent. Tea turned around to see a biker, holding a bag of what appeared to be cards. She recognized the person as Valon, an enemy of Joey's. As he took off his helmet she couldn't help thinking that he was rather handsome.**

Mai rolled her eyes as she saw Valon puff out his chest with pride. "Thats right!" He said, "No girl can resist me!"

"I'm just glad that you're the one whose stuck with Tea." Said Pharaoh. Valon paled.

"I thought they were just pointing out my good looks..." He muttered. Pharaoh ignored him and continued to read.

**"Oh... hi," Tea said hurriedly, "I was just-"**

**"Don't worry," Said Valon, "You don't have to explain anything to me. I know why you've come..." Tea blushed, she felt that she could tell Valon anything.**

"Thats right! Because we're friends!" Yugi, Pharaoh, Mai and Valon all knew who was standing behind them before they turned to look. Dressed in her pink teddy bear pajamas and fluffy slippers, Tea had somehow managed to sneak up on them with out them noticing. Valon gulped. "Perhaps a different story," He began...

(A/N: Gasp! What will they do now that the teasaurus has risen from its slumber? Erm, we're quite aware that its been a while since this story has been updated...you know, a few weeks-

Kaiba: cough

Ok, so its been a few months! What ever. There was some technical difficulties and we're still recovering from the loss of a loved one.

Kaiba: Your other computer?

It was a special computer!)


	11. Pharaoh's secret 2

**(( ANOTHER CHAPTER! YAYISHNESS! Ok, I hope I'm not the only one thats excited about it. Anyways, you'll laugh guaranteed, or your money back! PLEASE review! I have had to retype the entrie thing back out (the stupid computer lost the story) so I need encouragement to keep it up! Okay, to sum up what's going on: Yugi, Yami, Valon and Mai were all reading fan fics about themselves when who should appear, but the dreaded TEA! Please continue...))**

"No, I like this one!" Said Tea.

"Go to bed Tea!" Said Pharaoh, pointing to the door that led to the staircase.

"No!" Said Tea, stubbornly. She plopped onto the floor and began to suck her thumb.

"Its past your bedtime-" He argued.

"I don't wanna!"

"You dare to contradict the powerful pharaoh?" He stood up so as to show her how powerful he was. However, he was still only four feet tall and it only diminished from the overall effect.

"You're a meanie!" exclaimed Tea.

"Yugi!" He whined, but saw that the men in black had just led his hikari into the other room again. There were more memory altering noise and Yugi stepped out again looking dazed and confused. "That was weird," Said Yugi, sounding drugged. Pharaoh looked outraged.

"Yugi, did you get into my stash again?"

"Just shut up!" Mai yelled, "We haven't been able to finish a single story thanks to you two!"

"Don't tell them that!" Said Tea, "Ask them politely with a please!"

Mai ground her teeth and seethed, "Will you two PLEASE stop bickering and sit your asses on the god damned couch!"

Tea was confused, but both Yugi and Pharaoh sat down obediently.

"I shall read it!" Pharaoh snapped before Tea started. "Ahem!" He cleared his throat all powerful like.

"**You have the prettiest eyes," Valon remarked despite his usually cold disposition,"**

Mai rolled her eyes, but didn't say anything.

**Tea was speechless, but why? _Get a hold of yourself, Tea, _she told herself, _You've only been with him for two minutes. _But he was so dashing with that drawling voice of his and those goggles that accented his brown hair.**

"Give Valon a moment," Mai sighed, "His head isn't growing fast enough to accommodate all of this,"

"Hey!" Valon said, "I know its hard not to be jealous of this," He gestured to his hair, "But don't take it out on me! I can't help it that the ladies adore me!" He winked at Tea who waved at him, held out her hand and said "Hi! I'm Tea, who are you?"

"Short memory span," Pharaoh explained quickly, "Just ignore it,"

"**Uh," Tea blushed, "Thank you, I'm actually here to turn evil,"**

**Valon gave her an understanding look. "Welcome to the light," He said, "We understand you here,"**

"Ha!" Said Valon in a gloating manner, "The ol' -I understand what you've been through!' Gets them every time!"

"**Valon led Tea up to the highest floor of the building where Dartz's lair could be found. It was a very long climb and when Tea got tired Valon offered to hold her hand."**

"How would that help?" Yugi asked.

"Dunno," Valon admitted, "Maybe it explains,"

"**Tea took his hand tentatively, he leaned over and kissed it. _Wow! _She thought, _A real gentleman!"_**

"Why don't you ever kiss my hand?" Tea asked Pharaoh. He made a face.

"Are you suggesting that the Pharaoh pollute his godly lips on your Tea hands after they've been helping you up twenty or more flights of stairs? That is absolutely repulsive! Now either let me read or go to BED!"

Tea sat firmly where she was but closed her mouth.

"**Elated, Tea now felt that she could conquer any set of stairs, big and tall! She felt like she could fly if she tried. _Is this love? _She asked herself. Valon was blushing, had he actually kissed the girl's hand? Had he actually told her that she had the most beautiful eyes?**

"I do things like that all the time!" Valon muttered, "-And I don't blush until they giggle!"

"**Tea nervously brushed her hair behind her ears and giggled."**

Everybody turned to Valon to find him blushing a very deep shade of red. "Gets me every time," He shrugged sheepishly.

"**_Wait! _Tea told herself, _Don't go falling for this guy! You made a promise to yourself, you'd never love again. I can't! Not after Pharaoh cheated on me with my best friend...Yugi Motou!"_**

"Well that was interesting!" Pharaoh said while he quickly closed the lap top, "Say, you all look very tired, lets just go to bed."

"I want to know who keeps writing this crap!" Yugi exclaimed. Everybody paused as they realized that Yugi had just said his very first swear word.

"Lets go to the writer's look up," Said Valon, snatching the computer away from Pharaoh before he could get a good hold on it.

"Wait! No!" Pharaoh argued, weakly trying to pull the computer away from Valon, but it was too late.

"Damn Pegasus's high speed internet!" Pharaoh muttered.

"Hmmm," Said Valon, "The writer's username is thealmighy1- Whoa! Look at all of the romance stories he's written! Theres close to a hundred! And they all include Pharaoh and Yugi...interesting.

"Yes, yes! Very interesting," Said Pharaoh hurriedly, "Lets look at something else!"

"Now what conceited person would call themselves thealmighty1?" Valon continued.

"I don't know and I don't ca-" Yugi began, but Pharaoh interrupted him by yelling:

"CONCEITED? Well what if he actually IS ALMIGHTY?"

"Well then," Valon said smugly, uploading his gossip site, "He'd be directly insulting you...unless..."

"Unless what?" Pharaoh growled, just daring him to say it.

"Unless-"

"Lets go to bed," Said Yugi, suddenly uninterested.

"I concur," Said Pharaoh.

"What is the geek squad up to this time?" Every one jumped at the voice of Seto Kaiba. There was a silence and then an annoying computer voice said "Mr. Seto Kaiba Confirmed."

"Shut it!" Said Valon, pounding the computer hard and denting it slightly. He was obviously the only one who remained unfazed by Kaiba's presence, and more obviously, the shallowest of everyone in the room

(Well, he did just dent Kaiba's computer.)

"My computer!" Kaiba suddendarily said.

"Suddendarily?" Asked Pharaoh, "What the hell does that mean?"

"Maybe its a foreign word meaning soup!" Tea suggested. Everyone shrugged, even Kaiba, and then everybody got themselves big bowls of ice cream and watched bad late night comedy before Valon decided to find more fan fics.

"What the #$! is this?" Asked Kaiba.

"Mr. Seto Kaiba, confirmed," Said the computer.

"Shut the hell up!" Said Kaiba.

"Mr. Seto Kaiba confirmed," Said the computer.

"Oops," Valon said in mock apology, "I keep on typing in your password,"

"Mr. Seto Kaiba confirmed. Mr. Seto Kaiba confirmed, Mr-"

"How'd you get my password, loser?" Kaiba asked, tearing the computer away from Valon.

"Easy now!" Valon argued, "It was a...a lucky guess, that's it. I've forgotten it already! Just give it back-"

"What's this?" Asked Kaiba coldly. He had looked at the screen and found... "Fan fiction?" He asked, "Never heard of it,"

"Phew," Valon sighed in relief. He'd been afraid that Kaiba would find the gossip site.

"These are all about me," Kaiba continued.

"Hang on!" Pharaoh interrupted, "There must be some about us! We're the main characters after all! You're just the villainous, corruptible super Kaiba!"

"-And these nerds like me better," Kaiba gloated, "-and Ryou, but they definitely like me best!"

"That's not true!" Tea argued, "Because we're Yugi's friends! We're always there for him! And who do YOU have at the end of the day Seto Kaiba? huh? HUH? WHO?"

"Geeze Tea," Yugi said, "That's a little harsh, isn't it?"

"Lets try millions of fans," Kaiba said in answer to Tea's extremely dumb question, "- and, just a thought here- but they all seem to hate you, Tea."

Tea's eyes watered while she tried to pretend that she didn't care. "Well," She said in an unusually high pitched voice, "That's alright..." Her voice trembled, "Because I have my friends," Pharaoh, Yugi, Mai, Valon and Kaiba all took a step away.

"Oh great," Pharaoh sighed, "Here come the water works,"

"Yami!" Yugi scolded, "You're supposed to be her friend!"

"Hey! I don't see you trying to comfort her!" Yami retorted.

""Somebody has to!" Broke in Mai, "She'll flood the entire house!"

"I know!" Said Valon, "We'll draw straws!" He wasn't nearly so enthused about the idea when he drew the short one.

"THEY HATE ME!" Tea cried as Valon tentatively patted her shoulder.

"There there," He said, "Feel better now? Good!" He backed away to join the others, "Glad we got that sorted out," He said over the noise of Tea who was now wailing.

"Idiot," Kaiba muttered, taking out a wad of cash, "This always cheers up Mokuba," He handed Tea the huge sum of money but she only used it for a handkerchief.

"Oh no!" Mai exclaimed, "The water levels rising to our ankles!"

"Yes!" Said Pharaoh, "Perhaps we can use Tea as a raft and float to safety!"

"Thats mean!" Said Yugi, "I'm sure all she wants is a hug."

"Yugi," Pharaoh Atem snapped, "If you've got any ideas nows the time to use them, you're already waist deep!"

"Alright," Yugi sighed, he heroically stepped up to hug Tea- but she pushed him away...

"I HATE FRIENDS!" She yelled, "They're really lousy! But do you know what's NOT lousy? FANS!"

"There must be SOME Tea fans," Yugi said before the water went over his head and all that remained dry was his slowly sinking hair.

Pharaoh plucked Yugi out of the water and set him safely on the couch, "That's it!" He said, "No one tries to drown my hikari! Tea! I challenge you to a duel!"

Tea gulped, "Alright Pharaoh! I'm not afraid of you! Lets duel!"

_Great, _thought Pharaoh_ ,this should be easy, Tea is a wimp!_

Tea: I play the seal of oricalkose!

Pharaoh Atem: ...crap..

"No!" Yelled Yugi, subsequently ending the script format for no apparent reason, "Dueling isn't the answer to everything, Pharaoh! We should solve this as friends!"

"But she doesn't want friends!" Pharaoh argued, "She wants fans, and fat chance I'm going to become a Tea Fan!"

"Did you just call me fat?" Tea whimpered.

It was at this extremely inopportune moment that Pharaoh felt the sudden urge to say "Yes.."...and say it he did. Tea was pissed...really pissed...and the readers were annoyed because I wouldn't stop with the dots... ... .

"Wow," Kaiba said, "And I thought that Alistair was dumb.."

"Wait!" Shouted Pharaoh as he ran about, trying to escape the wrath of Tea, "Can't we settle this with a Duel?"

"A DUEL?" Tea shouted, outraged with a vase in one hand that she was ready to use on the frightened Yami, "Can dueling send you to the emergency room? Huh? CAN IT?"

"Sometimes-" Pharaoh started.

"I DON'T THINK SO!" She said, "And I won't be satisfied until you become a TEA FAN!"

"I...I..." Stammered Pharaoh, as Tea Patiently waited for his reply, "I can't,"

"THEN YOU DIE! BWAHAHAHAHA!"

"Just say you're her fan!" Said Yugi, "You don't have to mean it, just say it."

"I'm sorry..." Said the Yami, "But I can't..."

"SAY IT!" Yugi commanded.

"I'm...I'm a...a...a Tea Fan," To everyone's relief Tea stopped crying, Pharaoh however, fell to his knees and began to sob.

"Oh great," Said Kaiba, "Not this again,"

"I think all you need is a hug!" Tea said cheerfully (Short memory span).

Pharaoh was so used to the hugging by now that he just gave up and let Tea give him the Tea hug. Sensing Mikey hugs, Alistair woke up and came to join the hug as well.

"Yay!" Tea yelled, "Its a group hug! Lets all give this funny Pharaoh a hug!"

"Haha, Did you here that Mikey?" Alistair laughed, "She called you a Pharaoh!"

"I am a- oh never mind," Yugi's Yami shuddered. _Oh no! _Yugi thought, _My Yami's given up! With all the power of the millennium puzzle I - _What did he want to use the power for? _With all the power of the millennium puzzle I give pharaoh hope!_

"Yugi! Stop playing with the millennium puzzle, its not a toy!" Pharaoh said, throwing the hugging Tea and Alistair off of him.

"It worked!" Yugi exclaimed happily, "Gee, I wonder what else it can do? With all the power of the Millennium puzzle I want a shoe lace!"

"A shoe lace?" Pharaoh asked confused, "Why on earth are you wasting these godly powers on a shoe lace?"

"I just wanted one," Yugi shrugged and held up the millennium puzzle again, "With all the power of the millennium puzzle I-"

"Yugi!" Pharaoh snatched at the chain around Yugi's neck and tried to pry the puzzle off of his hikari.

"This is lame," Kaiba muttered, "Lets find more fan fiction,"

"Fan fiction? Oh goody!" Cried Alistair, "Mikey, lets hear a story!" He approached Yugi and Pharaoh and looked at each with a critical eye before dragging Yugi with him to sit on the couch. "Phew," Pharaoh sighed in relief.

"Alright," Said Kaiba, once everyone was floating safely on the coffee table, "This one is titled **I'm sorry but I lost him...**

**Pharaoh's eye's opened slowly and the blurred figures of Duke, Tristan and Joey were over him. "Whoa! He's alright!" Joey exclaimed, "How'd you do it, Yug? How'd you outsmart the seal of Oricalkose?"**

"**Yeah Dude!" Said Tristan, "How'd you do it, and why are you looking so much taller and why are there tears in your eyes?"**

"**Yeah," Joey said, just noticing this himself, "Is everything alright?"**

"Things are far from alright, Joey," Pharaoh interrupted Kaiba. Seto shot him a glare.

"What?" Asked Pharaoh, "Thats what I said!"

"I'm the one reading this, dork!" Kaiba said.

"Yeah, but you keep on giving me a girlie voice!" Pharaoh insisted, "And I'm pretty sure that you're doing it on purpose!"

Kaiba ignored this and continued reading.

"**I lost that duel," Pharaoh continued, his voice trembling, "-and I didn't outsmart the seal!" Joey, Tristan and Duke all exchanged confused glances, "But how can you be standing right in front of us if the seal got your soul?" Joey asked.**

"**Not mine!" Pharaoh paused dramatically and yelled, "YUGI'S!" He stumbled to the ground and started pounding it, "It should have been me! Not him! Its not fair!"**

"What?" Pharaoh exclaimed, again interrupting Seto, "I never said that!"

"Its fan fiction," Kaiba said, obviously struggling with the stupidity, "It doesn't have to be like what really happened!"

"Well lets re-write it!" Valon put in, "Because I've never heard what really happened!"

Kaiba sighed while Pharaoh corrected it and then, when the Yami was done, he read it again.

"**How can you be standing in front of us if the Seal got your soul?" Asked Joey.**

"**Not mine!" Pharaoh said, "Yugi's! Now who else is hungry? I haven't eaten anything for weeks and its about time I treated myself to a leaf of lettuce!"**

"**YAY!" Tristan exclaimed, "Now we don't have to hang around little Yugi! Lets go and be popular!"**

**And so Tristan, Duke and Joey hopped into a car and, for some odd reason, Pharaoh rode a horse, and they all went back to the RV where Rebecca, the only person who liked Yugi (besides Tea) attacked Pharaoh and exclaimed "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH HIM NOW? Where's my Yugi? Why doesn't he ever come back with you guys?"**

"**I'm sorry, Rebecca," Said Pharaoh, "I lost him."**

**THE END"**

"That's the end?" Asked Kaiba skeptically, he turned to Yugi, "Doesn't it bother you that hardly any one likes you?"

"What?" Asked Yugi, "Who doesn't like me?"

Kaiba's fingers were again at his temples, "I can't take you dorks, I'd go to bed but I can't leave Valon with my computer with out an adult,"

"I'm plenty of an adult!" Valon lied, "You're computer will be perfectly safe with me!" He took the computer away from Kaiba but it slipped out of his grasp and into the Water.

"THATS IT!" Kaiba yelled, "You'll die for that! PUNK!"

"Yugi, avert your eyes," Pharaoh instructed, but Alistair had already covered them for him. Kaiba wasn't going to bother dueling this time, he was angry, he was strangling Valon when Mokuba came into the room.

"Nii Sama!" Mokuba gasped, "What are you doing?"

"Wait!" Yugi shouted, "Mokuba gets to watch?"

Kaiba immediately dropped Valon into the water, "Uh, Mokuba!" He said, losing his cool for a moment, "We were just uh..."

"Reading," Said Pharaoh, and winked at Kaiba, "I know," He told the flustered CEO, "I'm smooth,"

"Whats with all of this water? Why is Valon blue? Why aren't you wearing your water proof coat?" Mokuba asked, his eyes wide. Kaiba looked at his coat.

"DAMN!" He exclaimed, "Tea! This is your fault!"

"Wait!" Tea said, "I know how to fix it!" She ran up to Kaiba and gave him a hug, "There!" She said, smiling while Kaiba tried to smooth out his coat, "Its all better!"

"You better have a lawyer," Kaiba growled.

"Oh Seto!" Laughed Mokuba, "I thought that you loved hugs!" He ran to his brother and gave him a tight hug. Kaiba blushed.

"I never said I liked hugs," He muttered, and began to wade out of the room with his brother still clinging to him, "Come on Mokuba, its way past your bed time..."

Mai stamped her foot impatiently, "If no one else is going to read then I will!"

"But the computers destroyed," Pointed out Yugi, "And we certainly can't fix it!"

"Oh come on!" Said Valon, getting to his feet, "Surely you're more creative then that! We're at Pegasus's place! The guy must own hundreds of computers!"

"You're right," Said the Pharaoh, "Lets go hunt some down...only we probably shouldn't let Yugi, Tea or Alistair come."

**((Yeah, I know it ends a little abrubtly here, but please PLEASE keep in mind how long it takes to retype chapters... and review as well. A TON of work went into this (cough cough) so i expect at least ONE review!))**


	12. The Pancake Chapter

**((Last time on Yu-gi-oh! Mai, Valon, Pharaoh, Yugi, Kaiba, Alistair, Mikey as well as a few men in black come across a mysterious product of Anime nerdishness known as fan-fiction! Whats more is that it's Yu-Gi-Oh fan fiction! Although this should have left them with many questions such as 'why do so many people know about us and like to parody our life?' or 'whats up with a section titled Yu-gi-oh GX?' it didn't. Instead Valon ruined Kaiba's computer, Tea ruined Kaiba's coat and all in all the entire nerd herd ruined Kaiba's life. Tea hated friends but forgot she hated them and now Pharaoh, Mai and Valon are planning on embarking on a quest for another computer so that they might find some more fan fiction. Will they find the computers? Will they succeed in making Yugi go to bed? Will the writers acheive even more stupendous ammounts of classic parody junk plots? FIND OUT NOW! In this chapter of A Yu-Gi-Oh parody! ...we do not own yu-gi-oh, the three headed dog, the yellowbrick road( or anything else Wizard of oz realated) or pegasus's wardrobe...but the pancakes are all us! Hell yeah!))**

"Oh come on!" Said Valon, getting to his feet, "Surely you're more creative then that! We're at Pegasus's place! The guy must own hundreds of computers!"

"You are right Valon," Said the Pharaoh, "Lets go hunt some down... only we probably shouldn't let Yugi, Tea or Alistair come."

"What?" exclaimed Yugi.

"You're right," Said Mai, "They only slow us down, besides, I've been wanting to read a few fics that are rated PG-13,"

"I'm 16!" Protested Yugi.

"Go to bed Yugi," Said Pharaoh, before stepping out of the room. He was followed by Mai and Valon, who both gave Yugi loser signs before leaving.

"Yay! Bed time!" Squealed Tea.

"Screw You!" Said Yugi, and ran out of the room to find the others.

Yami, Mai and Valon were wandering down the many corridors that made up the pegasus palace.

"Lets try this one!" Said Mai, pointing to the first door they found and entering through it. Before Valon and Pharaoh could follow Mai came running back out. "Don't go in there!" She said hurriedly, "Thats the cartoon bunny bathroom!"

"Well, then maybe we should try that one," Said Valon, pointing to the next door.

"No!" Said Pharaoh, "That room is labeled 'Pegasus's Wardrobe'!" The others shuddered.

"Maybe we should split up and meet back here in 15 minutes," Said Mai brightly. This, of course, could only lead to trouble, for as we all know, people die when groups break up. Just watch any horror movie. Despite this well known fact they all thought that the idea was just spiffy and did it any how.

"Pharaoh?" Yugi's voice echoed down the dark and lonely hallway, "Mai? Valon?" No answer. Where were they? "You guys! This isn't funny!" He said, "I'm old enough to read PG-13! I'm not afraid of anything!" But he gulped as, again, there came no reply... then he heard a whisper. ?"G...g..guys?" He asked again, "I...I know that you're just hiding!" But he didn't know, not really.

However, they were hiding. As soon as they had heard his voice they had huddled back together and into an unlabeled room (wow!). Mai and Pharaoh had their ears pressed to the door. Mai had just whispered "Valon! Stop tugging at my arm." And Pharoah had just shushed her. Valon didn't stop, however. He only pulled harder. At last, when Pharaoh and Mai had determined that Yugi had left, Mai spun around and snapped "What is it Valon?"

Valon was very pale as he pointed to the giant three headed dog that was snarling at them.

"Crap!" Mai exclaimed.

"How didn't we notice this?" Asked the Pharaoh. And then they all screamed and ran out of the room, slamming the door behind them. They stopped screaming but kept on running until they were completely lost. Valon fell against the wall, gasping for breath, "What was that?" He asked weakly.

"I don't know," Pharaoh admitted, "But what is Pegasus doing keeping it in his home?"

"You aren't very observant, are you?" Asked Mai, rolling her eyes. Pharaoh and Valon both gave her confused looks. She sighed, "Didn't you see what it was standing on?"

"I was busy looking at it's heads, not it's feet!" Said Valon, "Or didn't you notice? It had THREE!"

"What was it standing on?" Asked Pharaoh in a very serious tone.

"A trap door with big neon letters saying 'Pegasus's special computer room, down here!'." Mai said.

Pharaoh nodded, "Its settled then," He said, "We're going down, tonight."

All three of them paused, "Wow, some part of that sounded really retarded," Pharaoh remarked, "But I can't put my finger on it so lets go!" They shook on it and, after much wandering and two flights from Yugi, re-entered it.

"Crap!" Said Mai, "Its awake."

"Yes," Said Pharaoh, "I think that we should duel it!"

"No!" Said Mai, "All we need to do is sing,"

"How do you know that?" Asked Valon.

Mai shrugged, "Read it in some book,"

Valon nodded and asked, "Does anybody know a song?"

"THE THEME SONG!" Pharaoh exclaimed, as if it should be obvious. So they all started to hum the Yu-Gi-Oh theme song hesitantly... 5 hours later...

"Crap!" Said Mai, "Its not working!"

"Maybe just a little...more," Suggested Valon sleepilly, he had stopped humming an hour ago but hadn't noticed. Only Pharaoh seemed to be going on strong.

"Yu-Gi-OH!" He shouted, and started all over again.

"Maybe it needs some sort of command," Mai said, trying not to look at the three heads that were glaring at them, one head for each person.

"Sleep Boy!" Pharaoh shouted. The dog ignored it and kept on growling.

"I know!" Valon yelled, "Its probably hungry! Lets go get Yugi and feed him to it!"

"Are you insane?" Pharaoh asked, "We can't leave now! Not after we've made so much progress!" He started humming again.

Mai looked at them both with shifty eyes, "I know what you're trying to do," She told Valon, "You're trying to get us to leave so that you'll have all of the computers to yourself when you get the dog to sleep!"

Valon's eyes squinted, "I wouldn't do that! You just want every one else to think that so that I'll get thrown out and you'll get the computers to YOUR SELF!"

"You're a liar!" Mai Shouted, "We all think so! Don't we guys?" She demanded. Pharaoh was still humming. "See?" Mai said, regardless of the fact that nobody had agreed with her, "Me and all of my friends think that you're trying to give us the slip!"

Valon growled, "Well me, Alistair and Raphael think that you're crazy! Don't we, guys?" He asked the thin air over his shoulder.

"GUYS?" Came Yugi's voice, the door opened and in came a midget -cough- I mean Yugi -cough- "Wow guys," He said, "Have you been here all night? I just wanted to tell you that breakfast is ready!" He chuckled, "You missed some really great fan fictions, once Kaiba came back with a new computer we found a Harry Potter Yu-gi-oh parody. It was ridiculous! Uh..." He glanced at his Yami who was waving his arms around like an orchestra conductor and still humming the theme song, "Whats he doing?"

"NOTHING!" Mai said, shoving Yugi out of the door and slamming it, "Now go away!"

"Ding dong the witch is dead, which old witch? THE WICKED WITCH!" Pharaoh exclaimed, "DING DONG! THE WICKED WITCH IS DEAD!" Then he slumped over onto the floor and snoring could be heard.

"Mai," Valon said, "Reckon we should give up?"

Mai looked doubtfully at the collapsed Pharaoh and nodded. She and Valon walked out of the room, "Gee Valon, it got a little crazy in ther-" She began, but Valon cut her off when he laughed maniacally, ran back into the room, slammed the door and yelled "SUCKER!"

-----

"Who wants a pancake?" Pegasus asked. He and Kaiba were in matching aprons and were setting the long table.

"Hey Kaiba!" Joey yawned, "Could you get me some OJ while you're up?"

Seto glowered and got the orange juice, setting it down next to Joey's plate he muttered "I'm only doing this because Pegasus has my brother again, so don't think that it won't have it's consequences, NERD!"

"Pulp!" Joey said, as if highly offended, "Go strain it out, Seto! You know that I don't like pulp!"

Kaiba ground his teeth and took the glass back.

"Wow, everyone looks cheerful!" Yugi said happilly as he re-entered the dining room, "I brought back Mai but the others...might need to sleep in..."

"Go get an apron midget!" Said Kaiba, "He's got your grandfather again,"

"Shit!" Yugi cursed. He felt a hand slap across his mouth.

"Bad Hikari!" Said Bakura.

"What? I'm not your hikari!" Yugi said indignantly.

"I'll be substituting for Pharaoh while he's-" Bakura laughed evilly, "Unable to watch you,"

"This is great!" Said Ryou, "Now we're like brothers!"

"But I don't need a yami!" Yugi insisted, "I'm old enough to fend for myself, besides, I need a break from the spirits!"

"Stop trying to wriggle free!" Bakura said, "Its the rules!"

"It is not!" Yugi said.

"It isn't?" Asked Ryou, "Well then, I'm glad that you'll do it anyhow!"

"But I-"

"You're the best friend that I've ever had!" Ryou continued happily.

"Get a room," Seto grumbled as he pushed past them. Ryou looked confused and Yugi took this chance to run and get his apron.

"I want a BLUEBERRY pancake!" Tea said proudly, as if this were an important announcement, "Shaped like a bunny!"

"I'll go inform Dukey-Boy and Tristan-Boy!" Pegasus said as he left to bring the orders to the kitchen. In the kitchen Tristan was cooking while Duke had been told to do tasks such as cleaning dishes, taking out the trash and mowing the lawn (A mini lawn- bonsai or something) that took up residence on one of the stove top burners.

"Blueberry pancakes, shaped like bunnys!" Pegasus announced just like Tea had. Tristan gave the thumbs up and Duke flipped him off. Once Pegasus had left Duke muttered, "Kaibas brother is captured...Yugi's grandpa is too...but why are WE doing this?"

"I volunteered us!" Tristan shrugged, "Why?" He hummed while he shaped the pancakes, "Ding dong the witch is dead.." He sang along.

"Because it sucks, thats why!" Duke said, "You get to be the chef and I have to do the manual labor!"

"Oh," Tristan said, "I didn't know you wanted to cook...in fact, I didn't even know that you could."

"Well I can't!" Duke admitted, "But thats not the point! The point is that you didn't even bother to ask!"

"Well it seemed pretty pointless to ask you to cook when I knew that you couldn't," Tristan reasoned.

"Oh I see," Duke said, tearing up, "Just cut me off why don't you? Dr. Phil says that people need to be able to communicate to keep up a healthy relationship."

"Well I think that we do communicate," Said Tristan, "-and just because we fight sometimes doesn't mean that I don't love you."

"Whoa," Said Duke, "Uh...dude...I meant friendship relationship..."

"Oh..." Tristan paled, "Uh...I meant friendship love..."

"Oh," Duke said, "...well...I'm just going to go and clean...over there..."

"Yeah..." Tristan said, "I'm just going to...you know...cook."

"Yeah," Said Duke, "Well...bye.."

"So long," Tristan said.

"ARE THEY READY YET?" Pegasus asked, poking his head in through the kitchen door.

"Are what ready?" Asked Tristan.

"The pancakes!" Pegasus said. Tristan looked down to see that they were burning.

"Uh yeah..." He said, "They're well...done, yeah, I'd say they're pretty done," He scratched his head as the fire alarm went off.

"Whats that?" Asked Pegasus, referring to the noise.

"Uh," Tristan said, "My cell phone..."

"Oh, well you better get that, it sounds urgent!" Pegasus smiled.

"Yeah," Said Tristan, looking blankly at the pancakes that had now caught on fire, "I'd say its pretty urgent,"

"Whats that smell Taylor?" Demanded Kaiba, entering the kitchen. He frowned when his saw Tristan still staring expressionlessly at the burnt food, "Oh give me a break!" Kaiba huffed, "Don't you even know how to make pancakes?"

Tristan said nothing as Kaiba pushed him aside.

"You should have flipped these ages ago! God! Theres no saving them now! Devlin! Get me the batter!"

Duke waked to the bowl of batter that sat on the counter and looked at it...blankly, "Well, I made it to the counter...now what?"

"For crying out loud! Yugi! GET IN HERE!"

"Tristan-boy! You'd you'd better answer that call soon! My guests are growing agitated!" Called Pegasus.

Yugi came running into the kitchen...with Ryou clinging to his ankle. "What is it Kaiba? What wrong- Oh my gosh! Those should have been flipped ages ago!"

"I know," Said Kaiba, scowling.

"Well theres no saving them now!"

"I get it already!" Shouted Tristan, "I screwed up with the pancakes! I'll make another batch, now can you guys just leave?"

"Oh no!" Said Kaiba, "You can't just ruin a perfectly good batch of pancakes and try ro replace them!"

"Yeah!' Agreed Yugi, "Tea wrote a whole friendship speech about them while she's been waiting."

"Devlin! Taylor! You're on dish duty! Yugi, come help me fix these pancakes!" Kaiba commanded.

"Er..." Said Duke uncertainly, avoiding Tristan's eyes.

"Um..." Began Tristan, "Well the thing is..."

"DO IT!" Shouted Kaiba.

"What about me?" Asked Ryou, "Can I help?"

"NO!" Said every one at the same time. Reluctantly Ryou left the kitchen...dragging Yugi's millennium puzzle with him.

Just then, Pharaoh came marching in singing "Follow the yellow brick road! Follow the yellow brick road!"

"Pharaoh!" Snapped Yugi, putting his hands on his hips, "You know that I don't approve of that song!"

"Theres no time for talking!" Said Kaiba urgently, "We don't want Tea to start crying again!"

Somebody answer that phone!" Pegasus shouted from somewhere in the dining room.

"Its an alarm you moron!" Came Dartz's voice, sounding more annoyed then ever.

"Well how would you know Dartzy-boy?"

"JUST SHUT THE HELL UP!" Shouted Kaiba, "How can you expect me to concentrate when you're all shouting?" With that he punched out the fire alarm that was conveniently placed right over the stove and the noise died away.

"Whats going on?" Asked Raphael, stepping into the kitchen as well. He, like the others, was also wearing a frilly apron and gasped when he saw the ruined pancakes, "My god! Those should have been flipped ages ago!"

"I'm working on it!" Muttered Kaiba, "Yugi! Get me tan spray paint, orange juice and tape."

"Whats the tape for?" Asked Yugi.

"What do you think dork?" Said Kaiba, "I'm going to tape the broken ones back together:

"I will not fail you," Said Yugi and obediantly went to go fetch supplies.

"What can I do?" Asked Raphael.

"You," Kaiba said, "I have a special job for you!" He whispered something into Raphael's ear.

"Right away sir!" Said Raphael, and he left the kitchen.

"I wonder what that was about?" Tristan asked Duke.

"Well sometimes you're just clueless," Duke replied, scrubbing at the dishes obsessively.

"Whats that supposed to mean?" Tristan asked.

"You're always somewhere else, you never listen," Duke complained, "Its like I'm talking to a deaf person...or one that doesn't care!"

"I've been working really hard lately," Tristan snapped, "-and maybe I'd listen if I wasn't so tired from taking care of the kids all the time!"

"THE KIDS?" Duke shouted, "Is that your best excuse? Because I take care of the kids just as much as you do! Plus I do the manual labor!"

Kaiba was too concerned about the pancakes to notice the bickering 'friends'. But he did look up when Raphael re-entered the kitchen with Mokuba.

"Got him," Said Raphael, "He was trapped in the wardrobe,"

Mokuba looked traumatized, but nothing that a life time of therapy couldn't fix. "Good," Said Kaiba, "I'll fix these pancakes and then I'm outta here. Mokuba? Do you want a bunny one or one shaped like the blue eyes white dragon?" He sounded hopeful about the blue eyes. Mokuba just shuddered and muttered "Purple...so much purple..."

"I got the tape!" Yugi exclaimed as he burst into the kitchen, "I could only find gold spray paint and I think the orange juice has pulp,"

"Give me the tape, go find tan spray paint and strain the orange juice! Hurry people! We haven't got all day! These pancakes are depending on us!"

"Well maybe if you just got rid of the duel disk we could pay off some of the bills!" Duke shouted.

"Money! Its always about the money! Maybe someday you'll stop thinking about you're financial needs all the time and start thinking about Yugi! He hardly sees you now a days! What do you think that does to him?" Tristan Retorted.

"Oh I wish I were an oscar meyer weiner!" Pharaoh sang as he pet the bonsai lawn.

"Kaiba," Said Yugi as he came in with the orange juice, "What is this for anyways?"

"It has to overpower the taste of spray paint!" Kaiba said urgently, "And bring some to the mutt while you're at it, if its not too much trouble you could pour it on his head."

"...and then there was the underwear," Mokuba shuddered, "All of that leopard print..."

"For that is what I'd really like to be!" Pharoah started skipping around the kitchen, "Oh I wish I were an oscar meyer weiner! TOGETHER NOW!" He shouted. Everybody in the kitchen paused from their conversations/arguments/going crazy to yell "BECAUSE THEN EVERY ONE WOULD BE IN LOVE WITH ME!"

"Oh thats just what you want, isn't it Tristan?" Duke said, "For everyone to love you!"

"All that I'm saying is that you could be a little more supportive of my choice to own a duel disk! Even if I never use it!' Tristan replied, "God, you make me out to be some sort of selfish money hoarder!" His voice got high pitched and cracked as he said, "I just can't take it anymore,"

"And the hats...so many hats," Mokuba was rocking back and forth, "Big hats, small hats, short hats, tall hats...green hats, blue hats, me hats, you hats..."

"DONE!" Said Kaiba triumphantly, holding up the pancakes which looked good as new. Pegasus came in and took them out on a tray.

"M'mmm," Tea said, as she ate her pancake, "It was worth the wait,"

"My complements to the chef," Mai said.

"Tristan," Duke said, when everybody had been seated, "I'm sorry,"

"I'm sorry too," Said Tristan, "Lets never fight again, alright?"

"Hey Kaiba," Joey said, frowning at his glass of orange juice, "Theres a bug in here,"

"Some spit too," Kaiba added. And everybody may or may not have had a wonderful time. Thats for you to decide when you read the next exciting chapter of A Yu-Gi-Oh parody.

**((An extra note. I would like to add that we, the authors, really enjoyed writing this chapter. We all agree its our favorite, and hope you loved it just as much. Please show your support with a review. Yes we DO accept anonymous reviews. The more, the better. ))**


	13. Gramps in the closet

**Disclaimer: sighs i do not own yu-gi-oh, i do not own yu-gi-oh trading cards...and, on reflection, i didn't even own the pancakes...**

**(Ok, more bad goodness coming your way! Thanks to the REVIEWERS! Your our biggest fans, you know. Anyways, continue reading at your own risk, some material may not be suitable for american readers.) **

Pharaoh had fallen asleep in his food (If you can call it food) and everybody ignored the absence of Valon.

"...and the bow ties..." Mokuba muttered, "So many bow ties,"

"Well I think I'll just be going now," Said Kaiba, tearing off the apron and throwing it into Pegasus's face, "Thanks for an...interesting time..."

"Oh but Kaiba boy!" Exclaimed Pegasus, throwing the apron that Kaiba had just thrown him into Dartz's face, "The funs only begun! Why you haven't even heard why I brought you all here!"

"You mean, it wasn't out of the goodness of your heart?" Asked Rebecca, who up until now had been completely ignored...because I don't like her.

"Of course not you fool!" Said Dartz, throwing the apron into Mr. Hawkin's face, "Since when does Pegasus do things out of the goodness of his heart?"

"I don't care," Said Kaiba, "You've seriously messed up Mokuba, and I haven't tended to the company in days."

"Oh that company of yours," Huffed Pegasus, "...come on, have a little fun once in a while, Kaiba Boy! Besides, you'll like what I have to tell you."

"I doubt it," Mumbled Kaiba.

"I'm holding a tournament!" Cried Pegasus, getting to his feet, "Right here, in my Purple Pegasus Palace! You're all invited and the prize is getting invited to another tournament! Oh isn't it wonderful?" He paused to let the rest of them applaud, however, no one was too enthused by the idea and simply coughed politely. "But I thought you guys loved playing my little games!" Said Pegasus.

"Games?" Asked Ryou hopefully, "Do we get to sit in a circle?"

"Will we be allowed to duel in the shadow realm?" Asked Bakura.

"Well no... I thought that we could have an honest dueling for once," Said Pegasus, "That is until you get to duel me, then you're toast and that means you Yugi Boy." He smiled at Yugi who gulped in turn.

"But I don't wanna participate in any more duels," Began Yugi.

"Duels?" Asked Pharaoh, waking up, "Did someone say something about duels? I'll duel whoever challenges me! Just bring it one and see if you can beat me! The King of Games! MUAHAHA!"

"Pharaoh, no!" Exclaimed Yugi, but the Pharaoh, in his sleep deprived state, would not hear of it.

"I'll defeat you all! And you'll regret having ever wanted to take away my victory! Bwahahahah-"

"Stop it: Cried Tea, "You aren't sounding like a very good friend right now!"

"Hey Tristan," Duke nudged Tristan, "That would be a good time to try out your duel disc-"

"I TOLD YOU DUKE!" Tristan snapped like a twig, "ITS JUST FOR SHOW!"

"Tristan, Duke! Stop Fighting!" Joey complained, covering his ears, "The neighbors can hear...i bet.."

"Yeah Tristan!" Duke yelled, "Quiet down! Don't make social services come again!"

"I remember them," Joey reminisced, "They were nice,"

"Joey," Tristan seethed, "If you mention food one...more...time.."

Joey's mouth was shut instantly. Mokuba had been forgotten at the table where he was still rocking back and forth. Pharaoh was back to singing jingles and Valon had just come in...with a computer...and many large dog sized scratches.

"Hello Hello," He said, sitting next to Mai expressly to show off the computer, "Why- lookey what I have here!"

"Valon," Mai sighed, "Thats a desk top..."

"So?" Valon asked, "You're jealous, aren't you? Jealous of my success!"

"You didn't even bring the server with you," Mai muttered, "This is useless, all you have is the screen..."

"I knew it!" Valon laughed, "You'll do anything for it! But will you go out with me for it?" He smiled.

"No," Mai said flatly.

"I'm so glad you agreed," Valon said, putting his arm around her shoulder, "Although it hardly surprises me, You've been looking for a reason to go out with me ever since we met-"

"I said no," Mai said firmly.

"Well we're not going out this minute. Don't be so impatient!" Valon said, he leaned over to Joey and whispered, "Girls, I just can't keep them away,"

Joey was steamed, "Mais gonna go out with me! Not you!" He exclaimed. He was about to punch Valon into Tomorrow but stopped when he heard Tristan and Duke sigh.

"Look at that," Tristan said, "Joeys got a crush,"

"Awe," Joey looked at the floor, "Now I'm blushing," He got up and yelled, "YOU GUYS ARE SO EMBARRASSING!" Before running out of the room.

Yugi and Tea, being the obnoxious friends that they are, followed Joey to talk to him.

"Its alright Joey," Said Tea.

"Yeah," Said Yugi, "Everybody already knew that you had a crush on her,"

"Really?" Joey asked, "Uh...that doesn't make me feel any better,"

Tea and Yugi just smiled blankly and nodded.

"Wow, that Valon guy really gets my goat!" Joey went on, "I just wanna kill him!"

"No...no, you shouldn't," Said Tea nervously.

"I know I shouldn't!" Joey said angrilly, "But I'm gonna!"

"Joey," Yugi laughed, "Just calm down,"

"Yugi's right," Said Yugi in a deeper voice.

"Pharaoh," Yugi said in a higher voice, "Get lost, you have your own body in this parody!"

"I'll do what I want to!" He told himself in a lower voice. Just then Pharaoh walked by.

"Whats wrong with him?" He asked Joey and Tea, they both shrugged and watched while Yugi continued to argue with himself.

-COMMERCIAL BREAK-

Perky Perkinson: Heeeeeeellllllooooo listeners! Today we got the classics and the hard and the blank and roll! You guessed it! We're rocking out...TO OLDIES! fake applause is heard Well I've gotta do my job right today or else I get fired so Yu-Gi-Oh is brought to you by...

Yu-Gi-Oh Trading Cards! There wouldn't be a show if we didn't have so many damn cards to sell!

And Scrub Dub, you clean it- then you eat it! Back to the show:

A lot happens but mostly you suspect that theres some mysterious toxic fume leaking inside Pegasus's Purple Palace... Pharaoh is singing Jingles, Joeys completely embarrassed and angry, Tristan and Duke can't stop arguing, Mais NOT going on a date with Valon, Yugi and Alistair are both insane: Weevil, Rebecca, Rex and Mr. Hawkins are being ignore and/ or are dead, Mokuba has been traumatized by Pegasus's Wardrobe, Kaiba and Raphael both wore frilly aprons and we had the characters read a few fan fics...they didn't really care...NOW ON WITH THE INCREDIBLE FAN FIC OF RANDOMNESS! (Yes, it goes on...like an energizer bunny...)

"Yugi?" Gramps was still stuck inside of the wardrobe, "YUGI! You let me out right now mister! Or you're grounded! I swear that you are!"

Yugi sighed as he tried to seal any cracks in the door to the wardrobe, as soon as Gramps used up the oxygen Yugi would be free from one more meddling grown up.

"Yugi, what are you doing?" Asked Pharaoh, coming across him in the hall. Yugi continued to jam the door spaces with cloth and crumpled paper. "Nothing," He said Innocently.

"Die," He said in a lower voice, "die, Die, DIE!"

Pharaoh rolled his eyes, "Kids and their games," He muttered as he continued to walk down the hallway.

"Suffocate you evil bastard!" Yugi laughed evilly.

"Help Me!" Came a muffled voice.

Pharaoh stopped in his tracks, "Yugi, what was that noise?"

"Nothing," Yugi shrugged, "Noise? I didn't hear a noise! You must be crazy!"

"Are you alright?" Asked Pharaoh. Yugi kept on looking over his shoulder in a paranoid fashion that suggested that he was doing something that he shouldn't.

"I'm not crazy!" Yugi shouted, "You're the crazy one! I'm just an innocent midget! Look at me! Ha ha ha!" He began stuffing faster.

"Help me! Some one!" Came the voice.

"Why, I swore I heard someone cry for help!" Pharaoh said, "-and it sounded like gramps!"

"Gramps? Gramps is dead!" Yugi laughed, "Or he will be!"

"Oh," Said Pharaoh, "Well, if you're sure it wasn't gramps than I'll be on my way"

**THIS SCENE HAS BEEN DELETED FOR AMERICAN VIEWERS IT WAS REALLY CREEPY**

"For the last time you two!" Said a very flustered Mai, surrounded by Joey and Valon, "I'm not going out with either one of you!"

"Why not!" Demanded Joey," If its me...then I can change, I'll stop dueling and...and eating! Please Mai!"

"Its not your eating habits that but me," Began Mai, "Though they are hardly acceptable in public places..." Joey blushed, "Its more of the fact that I'm eight years older than you,"

"But-"

"You're only two years older than me, Mai..." Said Valon annoyingly, "Just think about how great we'd be together. We could even start stealing souls together! It would be a dream come true!"

"Yes, well, you're just crazy," Said Mai, "And, like I told you before, Mai Valentine works alone!"

"But the accent!" Valon said, taken aback, "The accent's irresistable! NO GIRL SAYS NO TO MY ACCENT!"

"Or mine!" Said Joey proudly, Mai rolled her eyes.

"Listen, I don't want to go out with either of you. My true soul mate is...is..." Her eyes began to tear up.

"Who is it Mai?" Asked Joey, "Don't worry! I can take it! Just tell me who it is...please."

"It's-"

"Hehe," Said Valon, already distracted by his spiffy computer screen, "Look! I can see my reflection!"

"Would you look at that!" Said Joey, also staring into his reflection, "Whoa! This is some high tech stuff!"

"Oh forget it, " Mai sighed, walking off to find some place normal, (A hard feat that she would not succeed at).

Mean While...

"Tristan," Duke patted Tristan's back, "Don't cry, I didn't mean it! All I said was that sometimes, when we fight, I wish I were someone elses best friend..."

"And what I'm trying to tell you is..." Tristan sobbed and looked at Duke dramatically, "You're NOT my best friend,"

Duke gasped, horrified and then asked, "How long? How long were you going to keep this from me! Who is it? I ASKED WHO IS IT?" His eyes were buggy and freaky and stuff.

"Its...its..." Tristan paused for more dramatic effect, "Joey, it always has been,"

"THAT BASTARD!" Duke exclaimed, "-and you're a bastard too! You cut me deep, Tristan, real deep!"

"I'm sorry," Tristan said, "I...I have to go now," He got up and, giving Duke one last fleeting look, left...to the other room... Where duke watched painfully as Tristan sat down next to Joey and began to laugh.

"Come on Mokuba, Its time to go," Said Kaiba, trying to convince Mokuba to come out from behind the refridgerator.

"And then the shoes..." Mokuba whimpered, "I've never seen so many high heeled boots before..."

"I haven't got all day Mokuba!" Snapped Kaiba.

"And do you know what I found out?"

"Kaiba sighed, "No Mokuba, what did you find out?"

"He wears gloves!"

"What?" Asked Kaiba after a moment.

"Pegasus wears gloves, GLOVES!"

At the same time, Pharaoh came running out of the kitchen screaming , "PICKLES ARE CUCUMBERS! CUCUMBERS!" He dropped to his knees and cried in anguish.

"And green beans," Said Tea.

"And Gramps," Said Yugi, who was looking very smug about something.

"Well yes," Said Pharaoh, "But my point is, Why can't they just tell you that they're salted cucmbers?"

"Actually they do," Said Rebecca, trying to sound like a know-it-all.

"No they don't!" Said Pharaoh, "I read the label and all I saw was the word 'pickles'"

"Did you read the ingredients, Pharaoh?" Asked Yugi.

"Ingredi-whats?"

"Never mind," Sighed Yugi, and went off to check the closet to see if a certain someone had suffocated yet.

Rebecca chased after Yugi and Tea approached the Pharaoh, "So, have you figured out any more about your past?"

"What does that have to do with pickles?" Asked the Pharaoh.

"So you're free this evening?" Tea asked.

Pharaoh was about to say that he wasn't but Tea interrupted him.

"Good!" She said, "We can go and, you know, hang,"

"From where?" Asked Pharaoh curiously, "-and why? Do I look like a bat? Sometimes you mortals really are dumb!"

"Its an expression," Tea giggled, "I was just saying that we could go to a nice restaurant and-"

"Complain about their pickles? Thats a great idea!" Said Pharaoh, "After all, that is where pickles come from!"

"Alright!" Tea said happilly, "I do enjoy 'hanging' with my biggest fan!"

Pharaoh choked on his pickle concerning words to actually acknowledge what Tea had said, "You mean I'm your BIGGEST fan? I had no Idea that you were so repulsive!"

"You're the tallest one too!" Said Tea. This cheered Pharaoh up instantly.

"I bet I'm the tallest you've ever known," He said proudly, sticking out his chest.

Tea frowned, "No," She said, "Ryou offered to by a Tea fan too, I just meant that you were my buggest BESTEST Tea Fan!"

"Oh..." Pharaoh decided to ignore this, "Fine, I'll go, out of pity for you. But you're paying the bill,"

Whats with the closet, Yugi?"

Yugi spun around and jumped to see Rebecca standing there. "Nothing! Go away!" The midget snapped. But while he said this he poked some paper into a crack that hadn't been sealed yet.

"You're hiding somethinng, aren't you?" She didn't wait for a reply, "I knew it! Show me whats in there or I'll find out myself!"

"No!" Yugi pleaded, "Theres nothing in there but office supplies!"

"We'll see," Said Rebecca, and with that she shoved past Yugi amd opened the closet door, "Yugi! You were trying to suffocate Gramps-oof!" She had been pushed into the closet.

"We'll see how long you last in the closet with him!" She heard Yugi say, as he started to laugh evilly.

Kaiba had finally convinced Mokuba to come out of hiding and was now leading him out of the Purple Pegasus Palace. As soon as they were out Mokuba seemed to recover a bit. Atleast enough to ask "How did we get out of there alive?"

"Huh?" Asked Seto, his grip tightening as he led his brother to a spiffy convertible that appeared to belong to Pegasus.

"Well," Mokuba continued, "I don't think that Pegasus would've let us go willingly, just like that...so how did we escape?"

"Um... He was probably too preoccupied with the geek squad..."

"Are you sure, big brother? Because I still say he would have had his security team alerted just in case we decided to leave,"

Kaiba said nothing as they got into the car, and he started the engine, though he was wearing his triuphant scowl, which might have suggest that he was up to something.

"Where'd you get Pegasus's keys from?" Asked Mokuba, noting that his brother hadn't needed to hot wire the car.

"Uh...what?" Asked Kaiba, pretending he hadn't heard.

"The keys!" Mokuba shouted, "Whats going on!" He was beginning to look slightly mad, and Kaiba, fearing that he might return to his demented 'oh-the-horror-of-Pegasus's-wardrobe' state, had to give in.

"Listen Mokuba, I only put a small virus into Pegasus's system...its nothing,"

Mokuba squinted his eyes suspiciously, "Well if its nothing...then why didn't you tell me before? And that still doesn't explain how you got his keys!"

Kaiba rolled his eyes, "Listen, do you really want to hear about all of this boring grown up stuff? Just be glad that we made it out of there alive!" He began to back the car.

"But Nii sama!" Mokuba whined.

"What is it NOW?" Kaiba growled. He shifted the car into drive and began to drive down the road.

"Where are we going?" His little brother asked, "We're on an island!"

"What?"

"I said that we're on an island," Repeated Mokuba, "Didn't you know that? I think Pegasus has an obsession with them,"

"Oh Shi-" Began Kaiba but was stoppped just in time so that his brother wouldn't have to hear the rest of the profane word...even though it had been used more than once in this fic and Mokuba was quite used to it by now. "Uh...well, this road must lead to some where, so we'll just follow it until it ends..." He stopped as he saw what lay ahead of them, "Uh...Mokuba? How many palaces do you think Pegasus has on this island?"

"Only one," Said Mokuba.

"Crap."

**(To Loyal readers: Thank you for being patient with this ever so slowly updated and horribly long story.**

**To new readers: Thank you in advance for being patient with this ever so slowly updated and horrible long story.**

**To Errant of the Violet Shockers: Have a pancake!)**


	14. The Chocolate Sombrero

**(A/N: Ok, so here it is, another chapter. And you may or may not be happy to hear that they'll be coming up a lot faster now! Regardless of whether or not this terrifyes you to no end it means that I now have time to write new chapters! Which means that the parody goes on! Thanks to Empress Caroline of Tamaran, "lurve" and Valexa Kaiba for actually reading a 13th chapter...and in advance for reading the 14th heh heh. Ok! Enjoy!)**

Pegasus groaned as he sat up. His head hurt, and everything was dark. Where was he? Clumsily he reached out to try and feel where the wall was. His hand groped about until he felt something. It was soft… and it felt purple… He reached the other way excitedly and found the light switch. He flipped it and gasped.

It was his wardrobe! All of his beautiful, BEAUTIFUL suits and hats and shoes and so on. Ignoring the fact that he'd woken from unconsciousness in his closet, he began to try things on.

"I feel pretty! Oh so pretty!" He sang, half an hour later as he stepped in front of a full length mirror to pose in his sundress.

"This hat is soooo delicious!" He said. He wasn't kidding either, he was wearing a chocolate sombrero, "What do you think?" He turned to Rebecca and Gramps who were both staring…blankly. Gramps may have been dead.

"Pegasus!" Rebecca said, after she had recovered slightly, "Don't you know a way OUT of here?"

"Why would we want to get out, Rebecca-boy?" Asked Pegasus, "I haven't seen this wardrobe for ages! I lost it sometime back…"

"You what?" Rebecca asked, but the question was ignored.

"Now should I wear cool anime' boots or my ruby red slippers?" Asked Pegasus, looking at his wall of shoes.

"The stilettos," Rebecca said, hoping to outrun this guy when ever she found a way out, "What's that noise?" She asked. She heard something that sounded eerily like paper and cloth sealing the cracks in the locked door. "Wait! Somebody might be looking for us!" She said excitedly, "HELP! HEEEELP-uff!"

"Quiet down," Pegasus said, throwing a shoe at her, "Its Yugi-boy, he appears to be stuffing wadded paper into the cracks of the door…uh oh! Looks like he has glue, this time. Now would I look nicer in orange socks or blue ones?"

"HELP!" Rebecca shouted, "Help! Help! Help us damnit!"

Pegasus was watching the door with his millennium eye, "Well now, it looks as if Pharaoh and Tea are headed this way, Ooh! Yugi-boy is panicking… he's grabbing them now and," He stopped as the door opened, and the Pharaoh and Tea were thrown in to join them.

"Umph!" said Pharaoh, who had fallen face first into Pegasus's scarf collection.

"Why, hello Yugi-boy!" said Pegasus, mistaking the Yami for his Hikari.

"That's Pharaoh to you!" snapped the Pharaoh, coming into the light, covered in multi colored scarves. "Where are we? And why did Yugi stuff us in here!"

"This is my wardrobe," began Pegasus,

"I want answers old man!" He shouted, impatiently.

"Yes…well I was about to tell you Pharaoh-boy,"

"Then you're taking far too long! Can you not see that I am the godly, kingly, knightly, brave and daring Pharaoh! I require instant explanations lasting no longer than three seconds!"

"Well then, to make a long explanation short" said Rebecca, "Yugi is crazy."

There was a silence, and then Pharaoh said "You lost me…"

"Never mind Yugi-boy," said Pegasus, "You're in my closet now! I'd imagine this is a dream come true to all of you,"

Rebecca, Tea and Gramps (who might have been dead, but not really dead because the characters can't really die) all groaned. Pharaoh however took one look at the place and smiled at Pegasus.

"What…?" asked Pegasus, looking slightly put off. "Why are you looking at me like that…?"

"Dress me servant!" Exclaimed the Pharaoh, suddenly extending his arms as if he was at a Tailor's shop.

"Huh?"

"I said DRESS ME!" repeated Pharaoh. When Pegasus continued to stare blankly pharaoh began to get annoyed. "Do your ears work fool? I am the godly, kingly, knightly, brave and daring, handsome, godly-"

"You already said Godly," pointed out Rebecca.

"DO NOT INTERUPT me!" he again turned to Pegasus. "I am the high and mighty pharaoh, and I require an outfit that is fit for Ra himself!"

"But this is MY wardrobe!" argued Pegasus.

"Dress me or suffer my wrath!" Pegasus rolled his eyes.

"What could you possibly do to me, Pharaoh boy?" He asked, "Duel me to death?"

"I could try!" snapped the pharaoh. "But you won't have to find out if you just dress me NOW!"

"Well that wouldn't be very much fun…" said Pegasus, "I think I'd prefer the duel. What do you say Pharaoh-boy?"

"Er…well," Pharaoh looked down at his chest, where his millennium item usually hung. It was gone, for Ryou/bakura had run off with it somewhere between the zombies and the pancakes. "Well…you see, I can't really…"

"What?" asked Pegasus, looking amused. "The king of games can't handle one little, itty bitty duel with an old friend?"

"I can too!" Pharaoh said, outraged. "I just don't want to, because you always cheat!"

"But it was your idea Pharaoh-boy, And I promise I won't cheat this time…"

"Hmmm," said Pharaoh, giving him a critical look. "Do you pinky promise?" He extended his pinky, and Pegasus joined it with his.

"Well, okay then. Now that I know you won't cheat…"

The duel commenced… and Pegasus cheated. Honestly, did anyone but Pharaoh NOT see that coming? But, despite the deal they'd made, Pegasus still dressed Pharaoh for he thought it sounded like fun.

"Are you all closing your eyes?" asked Pegasus, after Pharaoh had lost his sixteenth duel in this story. Rebecca, Tea, Gramps and for some reason Yugi (who was still standing outside of the closet) all replied "Yes".

"Good," said Pegasus. "Because we've changed the plain old BORING wrathful ruler into a hip, young looking prince of darkness! Everybody, I proudly introduce Pharaoh Atem!"

Tea, Rebecca and for some reason Yugi, all clapped, while Gramps slumped over and hit his head against one of the many trunks in the room. Then they opened their eyes and both Rebecca and Tea gasped.

Standing before them was Pharaoh Atem, dressed in a sparkling red evening gown, and standing in clashing ugly green teddy bears slippers. His hair had been slightly curled…and slightly singed, and his eye brows had been completely burned off. He stood proudly…though he looked like he was in a great deal of pain.

"What's going on? How does he look? I can't see!" whined Yugi, banging on the door.

"Well?" asked the Pharaoh, spinning around so that they could see him at all angles. "What do you think?"

"Uh…" started Rebecca. "why are you in a dress?" she asked.

"He's wearing a dress?" demanded Yugi, still banging on the door.

"A dress?" asked Pharaoh, bewildered. "No, no. This is a Toga! Pegasus assured me! And he also told me that lots of guys wear togas! Why it was all the rage in ancient Greece!"

"Um, okay…" said Rebecca, though she looked doubtful. "What happened to your eyebrows?"

Pharaoh scoffed. "I had them removed, duh!"

"What?" asked Tea.

"You know, waxed off and such!"

"Oh…" said Rebecca," It looks like they were burned off accidentally…

"Well…uh… that's not the point." Pharaoh said, his cheeks growing red. "Just tell me… do you like the hair? It's a new style for me, I know, but I think it looks alright actually…"

"There's burn marks on your head." Rebecca said blankly.

"And it looks like Pegasus started to cut your hair and then just stopped in the middle…" Added Tea.

"Well," admitted Pegasus, guiltily "His hair was ruining the scissors…"

"You said they wouldn't notice!" Pharaoh growled.

"Ha, ha" said that kid from the Simpson's who always laughs at everything.

Pegasus glared at the kid who disappeared into oblivion. "Well beside the flaws, what do you think?"

Tea started clapping "me next, Rebecca! We can play dress up, but no peeking the rest of you" she giggled and blushed acting all bubbly and bouncy anime style.

"Tea!" Rebecca sighed "I don't even play dress up anymore, and your like, a lot older than me" she didn't say by how much because she had forgotten how to subtract (Aka: The author forgot how old Rebecca was and couldn't come up with a suitable number)

"Whatever," said Pharaoh, looking at his 'toga' with disappointment. "I think I'll just go change into the only outfit I appear to own." He sighed, and opened the door, so that he could go and change somewhere. Yugi, who had his ear pressed against the door, was knocked to the floor as Pharaoh swung it open.

"I want to see damn it-" he was in the middle of yelling when he gasped.

"Finally!" huffed the Pharaoh, taking his Hikari's silence as a good thing. "Someone who's shocked by the amazing transformation! At least you're a good fashion critic, Yugi, I thought you'd never be good at anything!"

"Me too," admitted Rebecca, stepping over Yugi as she escaped the closet.

"Me three," laughed Tea, good naturedly. "But then, I don't think you're a good fashion critic at all."

"Wha-?" Yugi sat there bewildered.

"Pegasus?" called Rebecca. "Are you coming?"

Pegasus peeked his head out of the closet… "Um… no." he said, "I think I'll just stay here for a while… Solomon-boy hasn't gotten his makeover yet…"

Rebecca, Tea and Pharaoh all raced down the hallway, trying to find the living room they'd started out in. That's when they bumped into Joey and Tristan who were still laughing at each other's jokes while Duke skulked behind them grumpily.

"Hey!" Said Joey as Pharaoh tried to shove past him, "Where do you think you're going, short stuff?"

"SHORT STUFF?" Pharaoh asked, outraged at yet another pun on his height, "Move aside pudgy, my great godliness will not tolerate mere mortals obstructing my path to freedom!"

"Whoa," Said Tristan, "Slow down little guy! What's going on?"

"LITTLE GUY?" Pharaoh was appalled, "My great kingly indignity could crush you with it's pinky toe! Looks are deceiving chrome dome, now out of my way!"

Tristan looked close to tears as he rubbed a hand over his scalp, where his dew used to be….all glued and perfect…

"That was harsh, yug," Joey said, saying the words that Tristan couldn't, "-and surprising coming out of such a small-"

"YOU'RE COMPLETELY MISSING MY POINT!" Pharaoh tried to swing a punch into Joey, but everybody knows that what Pharaoh has in dueling skills he lacks in physical strength. Joey waved him away and the gust from the single hand movement sent Pharaoh careening down the hallway.

"That was mean!" Said Tea, fiercely grabbing Joey by the ear as punishment.

"Ow!" Joey exclaimed, "Who taught Tea a new trick?"

"How dare you undermine me!" Tea said, pulling sharply on his lobe, "I learned this on TV!"

"Everybody stop bickering or I'll be forced to use my stun stare!" Rebecca said.

Duke suddenly came out of his waking comatose to roll his eyes, "Sure Rebecca," He said, "Like you could ever do that."

Everybody who's seen enough crappy movies knows that this is a cue for Rebecca to do some incredible act of stunning to prove the doubtful Duke wrong…trust me, she tried… She stood in consternation for five minutes while she tried to make everybody hold still and eventually everybody decided to act stunned so that they could get on with their day.

"See?" Rebecca stuck out her tongue at Duke when she had 'released' everybody of the stun stare.

"Can I please pass down the hall now?" Asked Pharaoh, huffing, "I need to get away before-"

"Pharaoh!" Came Yugi's voice, "Pharaoh! Where are you going?" in a lower voice he said, "Come back pharaoh, you forgot something in the wardrobe….."

"Oh! It's the real yugi!" Joey said, "Maybe you can explain why Yami Yugi is in a dress!"

"It's a TOGA!" Pharaoh was positively red with fury, "It's a masculine, tough, MANLY TOGA!"

"Its pretty!" Said Tea, letting go of Joey's ear to admire the 'toga' in all of it's sparkly splendor.

"Thank you," Said Pharaoh in a vain, typical pharaoh voice, "I thought it made my butt look big but-"he sighed, "I can't have everything, now can I?"

"Oh Pharaoh…" came Yugi's odd evil voice. "Don't you think we should have a duel?"

"Huh?" asked Pharaoh, looking at Yugi.

"In… the shadow realm perhaps?"

"No, can't you see I'm busy right now?"

"Well let me make it simpler for you then! Your butt DOES look big, your hair looks like some sort of electrocuted starfish, and its not a toga! It is a dress!"

"And the eyebrows?" asked pharaoh,

"Oh…actually I don't think you ever really had eyebrows to begin with…"

"WHAT! Of course I had eyebrows! You take that back Yugi!"

"Or what?" asked Yugi. Pharaoh fell right into the trap.

"Or else I'll duel you!"

(dun, dun, DUN!) Wow, how often does this actually work out? Someone gets challenged to a duel, they accept without delay, and they either lose… or the duel never even gets started. So why are we bothering going into another pointless duel? Because Pharaoh might actually win this one…why? We don't know. I'd be cheering on Bakura cough er…I mean yugi, but he is really asking for it now.

"Bla bla bla," Kaiba said. He and Mokuba, after circling the island several times, were back. "Stop all of these petty insults and start dueling for once. If that's too hard, then allow me to guide you through it! You, Bakura…er, Yugi, you will start out by playing an amazingly good card. You'll become over confident at once, unlike Pharaoh who will remain calm and focused. Pharaoh will counter attack that with his dark magician, which he will just happen to draw out of deck due to this heart of the cards crap. Then you, baku er…Yugi will receive a lecture about what a non-believer you are and eventually Pharaoh WILL win,"

"Wow, he's good." Said Pharaoh. "uh… I mean, that is sooo NOT what I would do!"

"Over confident!" Demanded Bakura- I mean, Yugi. Of course its Yugi(cough). "I'll show you over confident foolish mortal!"

"Blah, bla-"Kaiba began, but never finished because Bakur-er Yugi punched him in the stomach, an amazing feat for such a little guy to do…on his own… Kaiba kicked him back but found that it did little use, he had no physical strength since all he ever did was duel. He fell gasping to the floor "you're gasp pa-pantthetic"

"Bwahahaha!" laughed Bakura… er, Yugi. "Over confident my-"

"You're mean!" shouted Tea, grabbing him by the ear. Bakura (Oh come on, we all know its not Yugi) gasped, and tried to swat her away, but it didn't work. Tea, unlike the others, did so little dueling that she had lots and lots of physical strength. "Poor Seto," she said, to Kaiba's dismay.

"Ugg! I could've taken him!" said Kaiba defensively, getting to his feet. "I was just going easy on him because he's so short!"

"Oh, I get it!" said Pharaoh angrily, "So all those times I dueled you and won, it was because you were going easy on me? I want a re-match!"

"No." said Kaiba firmly, "I have to find Pegasus-"

"Oh, how typical!" said Pharaoh, haughtily. "You guys are all the same! Always worried about your pride!" Kaiba's face was turning red.

"Listen, I was just punched in the stomach, I don't really feel like dueling…"

"Yeah, whatever." Said Pharaoh, not really listening. "That's what they all say when they're faced with the King of Games!"

"I dueled you twice on the helicopter alone!" Kaiba said.

"Well then what's one more duel?" Asked Pharaoh.

"Would you stop arguing!" shouted Bakura. "I'll duel you both, will that settle it?"

"Yes!" Said Pharaoh.

"No…what?" Kaiba was growing more and more outraged. "Did you just agree to have me duel him, freak?"

"Hah! As if I'd do it alone!" Pharaoh snorted, "We will work together as a-"

"Don't you dare say it," Kaiba said, clasping a hand over Pharaoh's mouth. There were some things that Kaiba would simply not tolerate-actually there were a lot of things Kaiba wouldn't tolerate- but the 'T' word was a big one.

Pharaoh bit down on Kaiba's hand. Seto pulled his injured hand away quickly and slapped Pharaoh in the back of the head.

"I'm going to kill-" He began, but Pharaoh interrupted.

"We must work together, Kaiba, its destiny!"

"Was it destiny when you're pal Pegasus locked my brother into his closet of doom?" Kaiba asked, "Mokuba was only just recovering from the time Pegasus took his soul, too!"

"-and the leg warmers!" Mokuba shivered, "No one should ever have to see neon green leg warmers!"

"SEE!" Kaiba shouted, outraged, "I've had enough of this! If you're so pepped up on team work than why don't you join me in trying to get the hell off of this island?"

Pharaoh looked at Kaiba dramatically while he thought of what to say, finally he thought of the PERFECT reply, "Island?"

Kaiba rolled his eyes, "Yes Island, isn't that what I just said? I shouldn't have to repeat myself Loser- I'm always accurate the first time,"

Pharaoh looked blankly. "Let me explain this to him," Tristan said protectively, he knelt down to Pharaoh's level and took him by the shoulders, "Yugi? YUGI FRANCIS MOTOU, Are you listening to me? Look at me," He took Pharaoh by the chin, "Did you hear what mr. Kaiba said?" He asked.

Pharaoh looked away and shrugged, "I guess," He muttered.

"Yugi," Tristan shook his shoulders, "Did you understand?"

Pharaoh scratched the back of his head and nodded.

"What do you say, lil' guy?" Tristan asked, "Do you want to help Kaiba?"

Pharaoh dug a toe into the floor and mumbled something.

"What was that?" Asked Tristan, "SPEAK UP!"

"Don't be so hard on him!" Duke said, shoving Tristan out of the way, "He just needs a little time, don't you, Yugi?" He gave Pharaoh a lollipop. There was more nodding while Pharaoh stared wide eyed at Kaiba and licked tentatively at his candy.

"Stop spoiling him!" Tristan yelled to Duke, "You're always playing the favorite, you make me into the bad guy!"

"I can't help it if Yugi likes me better!" Duke sniffed, "Maybe I'm just a better da-friend…" His voice trailed off. Both he and Tristan looked suddenly very scared.

"This is messed up," Kaiba said, covering Mokuba's ears.

"Hey you guys!" Came Yugi's voice from behind them. Duke and Tristan wheeled around and did a double take. "Yugi?" Duke asked.

A smile appeared on Tristan's face.

"Those two are ALWAYS toying with us," Tristan said, walking up to Yugi and picking him up, "Don't you, lil' guy? Pharaoh! Get up and stop pouting! You look ridiculous!"

Pharaoh, who had been on his knees, got up and returned to his godly, kingly- well you get the idea- manner. "Right!" He said loudly, "I will team-"

"Collaborate," Kaiba corrected in a hiss.

"Right," Pharaoh said, restarting, "I will collaborate with your efforts to escape this perilous island!" He puffed out his chest in a heroic stance, "With team work we can accomplish ANYTHING!"

"Can we use friendship too?" Asked Tea excitedly, "I love friendship! It's the coolerest!"

Kaiba's hands were now at his own ears and Mokuba was sitting in a corner, rocking back and forth.

"Can we sit in a circle?" The voice of Ryou made everybody freeze. "I was just playing dress-up with Max and I heard yelling, so I came to see what was wrong and whether or not I could make a peace offering, but you seem to have worked things out on your own!" He smiled as if everything in the world was happy and just as innocent as himself. Tea smiled too, it was her second favorite hobby.

"We're not going to sit in a damn circle," Kaiba said flatly, "We're going to take action against Pegasus, we've been here too long!"

"Oh, you make me sooo sad Kaiba-boy," Said Pegasus who had also snuck up on them. He was almost dressed normally, but he was still wearing his chocolate sombrero, "I am ever so lonely around here, with only my money to keep me company,"

"Buy yourself some friends," Kaiba said, "That's what I do-er-" everybody was looking at him, he only blushed for a second but then countered it with a good looking glare( He had practiced it in the mirror all morning). Everybody looked away again and pretended that they'd heard nothing (Tristan and Duke were getting amazingly good at this)

"Where did your pal Dartz go anyhow?" Asked Kaiba. "I thought you guys were inseparable."

"Er… Dartzy-boy had some work to do so he went home."

"What! How come Dartz can go home for work and I CAN'T?"

"Because I say so" said Pegasus, he left it at that and broke off a piece of his sombrero.

Meanwhile, Rex and Weevil, who have not been mentioned for a while because (insert unlikely scenario here) now entered the room.

"Hey!" Weevil said, a mischievous grin spreading over his face, "Do you think that this could be the sort of dirt that Valon will pay for?"

"I dunno," Rex shrugged, "Think we should listen in?"

Weevil rubbed his hands together and chuckled "We're going to be super spies!"

They observed for at least an hour while Kaiba used some very profane words while talking to Pegasus. Yami and Yugi argued over who should get the now discarded chocolate sombrero but Tea used her 'amazing' physical force to get it instead. Tristan and Joey laughed together and Duke scowled as Rebecca explained her special ability to fly. Ryou and Bakura were the first to notice the two mini villains sitting in the middle of the hall way.

"Wow! Sitting people!" Ryou exclaimed, he went to join them in forming a circle but Bakura was more suspicious than that.

"What are you writing?" He asked Weevil, trying to read over the bug eyed kid's shoulder.

"What's it to you?" Asked Weevil, grinning as he schemed.

Bakura caught a glimpse of the note pad and wagged a finger at Weevil, "Naughty, Naughty," He warned "If the corporate hot shots find out that you're spreading gossip you'll be in deep shi-"

"SHIP!" Ryou yelled before Bakura could finish his sentence, "Yami!" Ryou scolded, "We're trying to keep a maximum of ten swear words per chapter here!"

Bakura scowled but did not finish the curse, instead he sighed and casually said, "It would be highly distressing if the love triangle between Pharaoh, Seto and Pegasus were found out,"

Despite the obvious fact that these three people could not loathe each other more Weevil ate up all of the juicy details and wrote down all the other rumors (That, oddly enough, all seemed to be at Pharaoh's expense.)

Another hour later and not much had changed from the hour before.

"So that's how Pharaoh ended up in a bus stop wearing nothing but his underwear and the millennium puzzle. As you can imagine Yugi never let Pharaoh touch alcohol again, but I hear that he's still rather relaxed about the drugs…" Bakura sighed as if the story were rather hard to tell, "How the mighty are fallen," He tutted to Weevil, shaking his head, "How the mighty are fallen."

Weevil had jotted it all down eagerly, which was more than could be said for Rex who was still drawing doodles and playing hangman with Ryou while he tried to coax gossip out of him. "Aren't there any SECRETS about anyone here that you'd like to get off of your chest?" Rex asked in an exasperated voice.

"Yes," Ryou giggled, "But it wouldn't be a secret than would it, besides, these are all very decent people," (Kaiba and Pegasus were trying to defend themselves from Pharaoh who was now using Yugi's spiky head as a weapon of some sort…)

"What are the secrets that you do know?" Rex asked.

"I pinky promised not to tell," Ryou explained and then shouted, "Tic Tac Toe! I beat you again Rex!"

Rex sighed as he drew out another set of lines and said "Well what if you just wrote them down? Technically you wouldn't have directly told it and then you won't have broken the pinky promise."

"That's bending the rules!" Ryou accused, "I can't tell you and that's final!"

Rex was silent a moment and was than struck by a brilliant idea, "But Ryou!" He said, "It's a game!"

Immediately all of Ryou's attention was focused on Rex, his face eager like that of a dog waiting for the ball to be thrown.

"Here's how you play," Said Rex, "You tell me the biggest secret that somebody's told you and I judge whether it was good enough to be a secret!"

"TEA STILL WETS THE BED!" Ryou shouted. The hall went quiet. Everybody looked at Ryou…than at Tea. Tea's chocolate covered lips began to quiver, her anime' eyes got super shiny, than she whimpered "Ryou…how could you…I… I trusted you with that secret…"

"But…" Ryou muttered, "It's a game…" He turned to Rex, "How did I do? Was it a worthy secret?"

Rex nodded, "That was an excellent secret, Ryou, I think you deserve a sticker!"

"A sticker!" Ryou shouted gleefully, "Look Tea! I have a sticker!" But Tea had run from the room and every one, even Rex, was giving Ryou a glare.

"You're a horrible friend," Kaiba commented, "I've always kept Mokuba's bed wetting a secret, you just betrayed Tea's trust."

"I say we kill him!" Pharaoh said, holding up Yugi like a spear ready to attack.

"Wait!" Pegasus said, "I've got a better idea!"

Five minutes later Ryou was rocking back and forth inside of the Wardrobe.(Poor Ryou…)

"We got the gossip!" Weevil shouted, running over to Valon who had gotten hold of both his sanity and another lap top of Kaiba's.

Valon looked over their information and smirked in a very aussie way(?). "Fantastic," He said, as he began typing it onto the computer, "Good bye Pharaoh fans!"

If you're wondering what Valon had been spending his time doing the answer was obvious, He was writing down fake stories of how heroic and charming he was and posting it onto his own fan site.

"I'll convert everybody," He had said aloud to the computer. Mai had heard and had commissioned a few stories for her own fan site as well.

Over all everything was beginning to seem normal… and the authors were wondering what to do next…

That's when the OC showed up. Oh the horror!


	15. Visitor from hell

**(A/N: See? I told you they'd be coming a lot faster now! I can't believe you ever doubted me! Anyways, thanks Angel's Nocturne, and Empress Caroline of Tamaran. Since the chapters coming up have already been written so the OC has been created, but I'd still like the info you have so that I might add your idea into future chapters...)**

Previously on Yugioh: A lot of stuff happened, but the only thing we're concerned about right now is the OC (Original Character)…

"Hey! A car's here!" Exclaimed Yugi, pointing out of the window. Kaiba jumped to his feet.

"Am I missing something here!" He shouted, "How can a car get on to the island, and yet there are no roads leading OFF of the island?" He glared menacingly at Pegasus, who shrugged.

"Why there's a ferry Kaiba-boy!" He said, "What did you expect?"

"Then where does it dock? Huh? Me and Mokuba drove everywhere! There's not a chance in hell that this person could've gotten here in a car!"

Pegasus shrugged. "Well, there are some things even I can not explain Kaiba-boy, so get used to it and lets go greet our guest."

Grudgingly, Kaiba followed everyone outside where the limo had pulled up. Mokuba was hopping up and down by his side.

"What are you so cheerful about?" Muttered Seto.

"It's a mary sue!" Exclaimed Mokuba, breathlessly. "That means you're gonna fall in love with her!"

"What?" Asked Kaiba, raising an eyebrow. "Mokuba, did you find the mini bar again?"

"Yup!" Mokuba licked his lips. "Vodka and bananas! Mmmm…"

"Look!" cried Yugi. "The door's opening!"

Sure enough, the door to the limo had opened, and out stepped the amazingly gorgeous Mary sue. Her hair was long, but not too long. Her eyes were bright, but not too bright. She was tall, but not too tall. She was tanned but not too tanned, and she was wearing the most fashionable clothes that she'd just happened to throw on that morning.

"Hello." She said, in a dreamy voice that typically would've made any normal person fall to their knees. She, however, was not with normal people and they simply stared at her blankly. "I said hello…" she tried again and sighed.

"Er… hi," said Yugi, "Who the hell are you?" The Mary sue blushed deep scarlet.

"That's not what you're supposed to say…" She whispered to Yugi. "You're supposed to introduce yourself and the rest of the gang AND then, after I've gotten Kaiba's attention, I'm supposed to introduce myself… like a lady…"

"Oh…" said Yugi. "Well I'm Yugi Motou, and this is the gang-"

"By name!" She hissed,

"But there's like twenty of us!" Whined Yugi, "I can't even remember whose here!"

"Then just introduce Kaiba…" she sighed heavily.

"Oh." Said Yugi, scratching his head. "But Kaiba's not here."

"Wha-?"

Sure enough, Kaiba had gone back inside, dragging his inebriated brother along with him.

"Crap!" She exclaimed. Yugi was horrified.

"Yugi," Came Pharaoh's voice, "Why don't you, ya know, introduce me?"

"Huh?" Asked Yugi in a daze, "But she's got a rotten mouth, lets get rid of her,"

"No!" Pharaoh said in a firm voice, "Everybody here appears to have sworn at least once! It wouldn't be fair."

"Crap." Yugi muttered. Pharaoh slapped a hand over his mouth.

"I am the godly, kingly, knightly, handsome and charming, bold and daring, suave and clever Pharaoh Atem, you may call me All powerful one," Pharaoh said, standing on his tip toes to look the Mary Sue in the eyes.

"You look like him," Mary Sue said, pointing to Yugi.

"Well?" Pharaoh asked, "What's your name?"

"Mary Sue," She grinned (Readers groan), "Lets go find Setty!"

"Who?" Pharaoh asked.

"My new boy friend! Seto Kaiba! We have nick names for each other…or at least, we will! He's gonna call me sugar bumkin!"

"That's what he calls Mokuba," Pharaoh argued.

"I say she just wants him for his money!" snapped Yugi.

"Ten bucks says its for his coat," Duke replied.

"DUKE!" Tristan yelled, "Stop trying to teach Yugi how to bet! Its irresponsible!"

"I'm just letting him have a little fun!" Duke argued, "Isn't it alright that I have a little fun with the kid?"

Tristan turned away from them and started laughing with Joey-for no apparent reason…

"Hey!" Said Yugi suddenly, "Where's Mary Sue?" Everybody looked around to find that Mary Sue had disappeared.

"I TOLD YOU!" Kaiba shouted at the OC, "I'M NOT INTERESTED!"

"Just let her in," Mokuba pleaded. Kaiba was leaning against the door while Mary Sue fists tried to beat it down from the other side. "Please Nii Sama!" Mokuba squealed, "I don't like this room!"

"Oh please," Seto rolled his eyes, "Its just a dog,"

The three headed dog had cornered Mokuba but Kaiba was too busy holding the door to notice.

"Its destiny!" Mary Sue yelled.

"ENOUGH WITH THAT WORD!" Kaiba yelled back, "Go and tell it to the 'almighty one', you two can have a real nice chat!"

"But we should be a team!" She replied. Kaiba's emotion had gone from pissed off to murderous. He opened the door and the Mary Sue fell in.

"Yay!" She said, thinking that she had just convinced 'Setty'.

Kaiba grabbed her by the collar of her highly fashionable shirt (That she had just thrown on that morning) and began dragging her down the hall way. All he had to do was follow the muffled screams of Ryou and soon enough he found the door to the wardrobe. He threw the Mary Sue in, slammed the door shut and he heard the Mary Sue squeal over Ryou.

"Lets sit in a circle," Was all Ryou had to say to that.

Kaiba smirked, and went back to retrieve Mokuba before going to join the others. Because of Seto's refusal of the Mary-Sue Mokuba had fallen into a doom closet trauma relapse. As Kaiba dragged him along Mokuba muttered "-the sunglasses, there were so many sunglasses… All of those colors and shades and shapes...I almost lost my mind…"

"Mokuba," Kaiba snapped, "Shut up,". He was getting the odd feeling of being an irresponsible brother again and it didn't help when Alistir and Pharaoh bumped into them.

"Look Mikey," Alistir said snidely, "Its Kaiba, you know, Blue eye's boyfriend." Pharaoh chuckled despite the fact that Alistir had called him Mikey again.

"Look Mokuba," Kaiba said, "Its Amelda and his imaginary brother,"

This was, in Alistir's opinion, way below the belt (Even if it was true).

"Take that back!" He snapped.

"I know," Kaiba gave an 'almost smile', "With a name like Amelda I'd be embarrassed too,"

"I meant the Mikey thing!" Alistir yelled, losing all of his cool (Did he ever really have any?), "Take that back!" He repeated.

"Make me," Kaiba said, and with that shoved past Alistir and Pharaoh. Well Kaiba had been put into a slightly better mood by insulting Alistir and the day would be looking up once he got off of the purple island. He planned on getting himself and Mokuba off of the island and then blowing it up, (hopefully with Pegasus and Alistir still trapped on it).

He walked into the living room and frowned as its chatty occupants all went silent…in a guilty way. They were surrounding Valon and the Lap top.

"Not more fan fiction," Kaiba sighed, "Those sites are cra-"

"WHACK!" Yugi yelled, "He meant that those sites are whack…yo…"

"Besides," Valon interrupted, "We're way past fan fiction! We've found a new form of entertainment at your expense,"

Kaiba growled, dare he entertain them by sounding interested? No. That's what they wanted to hear. He shrugged and said "What ever,"

They all turned back to look at the computer screen. Kaiba realized that they didn't care about his reaction. Which meant that they really had found something at his expense.

"Damn it-" He began, Yugi cut him off by yelling.

"He meant Dam it! Like damming a river…like a beaver dam…"

"No I didn't," Kaiba argued, He got up and shoved into the group to get a look at the computer, "Valon, what's going on?" He asked, finding the aussie (Is he aussie? I've never been quite sure…does it matter?) at the computer.

"Nothing," Valon said in mock innocence as he began to close the lap top. Kaiba was too quick for him and grabbed the lap top away.

He looked at the screen and a low growl escaped his throat, "Valon?" he said angrily, "Did you do this?"

Valon gulped and tugged at the collar of his jacket, "Uh…" He said, "Me? Well I-"

Kaiba ignored this and read aloud, "Seto Kaiba of Kaiba corp. caught sharing a moment with supposed arch rival Maxillion Pegasus," There was a picture of Kaiba and Pegasus in their matching aprons as Kaiba handed Pegasus the platter of 'pancakes'. Kaiba paged down and saw a picture of Pharaoh in his coat. "Yugi Motou found in Kaiba's clothing." He paged down again and found a picture of him dragging around Mokuba when his brother had been playing dead, "Kaiba caught red handed…whose been taking these?" He demanded, "Its bad enough that I have to hang out with you losers but to have it posted on the web? I'm ending this-and when I 'm done," He looked at Valon, "Your dead, so you better say your prayers fast,"

Valon didn't look phased at all, "You can hurt me all you want," He taunted, "But, like Yugi said, None of us can die-"

"Oh," Kaiba said in a fake pout that didn't suit him at all, "Well I hope that that doesn't interfere with your cremation,"

For some reason everyone (except Valon and Kaiba) started laughing (honestly, I have no idea why) and went to go do something else.

In the closet: "now this game is called slipper toss, I throw the slipper to you, then you throw it back to me and we do that over and over again until one of us decides to do something else"

Mary Sue yawned, grabbed a slipper, and threw it at Ryou's head. Unfortunately for her he caught it and threw it back.

One hour later: "isn't this fun?" asked Ryou "I could play it for hours!"

"We have" groaned Mary Sue

"Have we, I say, time flies when you're having fun! But how about we play a different game?"

"Yippeee" squealed Mary Sue in a perky voice "what is it?"

"well it's completely different" said Ryou "I didn't even understand it when I first heard it, it's called sock toss, I throw the sock to you and if you catch it, you throw it back to me and if I catch it I throw it back to you, and if you catch-"

"Yeah, yeah, I get it" said Mary Sue and yawned. "Don't you know anything more exciting"

"Maybe…" said a voice that sounded a bit more evil than Ryou, but it was still Ryou sitting in front of her "Ever heard of the game called knife toss?" and as it happened she hadn't.

There's also somebody else who we haven't heard from for a while, though not that we really need to. It was Coffee Grounds, better known as Joe the Cop who we met chapters ago in a pulled over mini cooper. Perhaps now would be a good place to insert a disclaimer, for although I've never heard of him, I'm sure he belongs to someone out there.

I do not own Joe the Cop,

Joe was getting himself some coffee and a doughnut when his little cell phone started ringing. "Hello" he said "this is black coffee grounds, over."

Laughing on the other line

"No! It's my name, remember?" said the flustered cop "okay, just say what you were gonna say"

"Look Joe" said the guy on the other line "the police department has had enough of you, what with the nick names and the zombies…well that was really the last straw, so we've replaced you"

"What?" Joe yelled "with who?

"Some guy called Omar, he's pretty weird… anyway, the boss expects you to have all your stuff cleared out within an hour"

click

A couple minutes later a very grumpy Joe had gotten into his car and turned on the radio. And (who could have seen this coming) a very perky person on the station said-

"HEEELLLLOOOOO, it's me Perky Perkinson your talkative translator for your favorite station of variety, but before we get to the loony tunies here are some ads to listen to for about ten minutes"

Some soft music played and a female voice said "are you over forty?"

"Yes" thought Joe

"Are you or have you been an experienced worker in the police field?"

"Yes" thought Joe.

"Have you recently been fired?"

"yes" said Joe aloud.

"Then you are eligible to work as a security guard on Maximillion Pegasus's island, we guarantee ten times more money then you were ever offered at your old job"

"I'll do it!" Joe shouted, and wrote down the address that the lady on the radio gave.

A little later (Time sure does fly)

DING DONG.

"Seto boy!" Pegasus exclaimed, "Be a dear and get the door will you? You're not accomplishing anything by wringing out that young man,"

Seto ignored Pegasus and kept on strangling Valon. It had taken him no more than two minutes to completely terminate the site that Valon had created and he had been strangling the biker for about an hour.

"Seto-boy!" Pegasus said, "Get the door. I already went to all the trouble to trap Mokuba in a room and you're just ignoring me!"

Kaiba dropped Valon and automatically went to answer the door. He'd get Raphael to fetch his brother afterwards. He answered the door. "Yes?" He stared coldly at the officer standing there and said, "I'd ask 'what seems to be the problem' but, between the drugged out Yami, crashing a helicopter into Dartz's building and seeing more than a few people lose their souls, I bet I could answer that better than you."

The officer gulped nervously, "Seto Kaiba," He gaped. He had seen a website that had said Pegasus and Kaiba were seen hanging out together but he had thought that it was just a rumor.

"That would be me," Kaiba sighed.

"No, I mean," The officer stuttered a moment, "I was just pointing out who you were-"

"Thanks, I was having trouble with that," Kaiba muttered sarcastically, "Now get to the point, I need to find my brother and you're wasting my time,"

"I'm here for a job interview with Maxamillion Pegasus," Joe stammered. Kaiba shut the door in his face. But it was re-opened in moments by Pegasus himself.

"Now that wasn't very nice, Kaiba-boy!" Pegasus yelled over his shoulder. He turned to Joe and said "Come in come in, I'm so glad that you've taken the job."

"I got the job?" Joe asked, amazed, "But you didn't even interview me!"

"Interviews are boring," Pegasus said, waving it aside, "But if you really want one I suppose Kaiba could-"

"No no," Joe said, he had the feeling that Kaiba wasn't in a patient mood (-and his record as a cop WOULD take patience,)

"Just tell me what to do,"

"Well basically," Pegasus mused, "You have to make sure that NOBODY leaves this island, understand? Dartzy-boy might come back, but besides him you don't let anyone come on to the island either."

"Won't that take more than just one guard?" Asked Joe.

"It's a small island," Pegasus replied.

Mean while…

"I'm bored," Joey said from the couch.

"Shut up," Tristan replied, "You just ate,"

Pharaoh, who had been sitting with Alisir had finally thought of a good excuse to get away from him, he stood up and declared, "I must be alone,"

"Alright Mikey," Said Alistir after a moment, "But don't let me find you passed out in the hallway like last time,"

Pharaoh nodded that he understood and went to stand in the corner. That's when Duke walked in.

"Tristan," Duke nodded, looking at Tristan.

"Duke," Tristan said, acknowledging the other's existence.

There was a pause while they stared at each other. Than Duke burst into tears and said, "Please Tristan! I know I screwed up but why are you doing this to me?"

Tristan sighed and said, "Things just weren't working out, Duke,"

"So you mean its over?" Duke sniffed dramatically.

Tristan nodded and said, "I hope that we can still be friends,"

"What were you before?" Joey interrupted. There was an awkward silence that fell onto the room. Tristan shifted uncomfortably and Duke coughed a nervous cough.

"Uh, we were best friends," Tristan said, after a moment. It was Joey's turn to burst into tears.

"You were best friends?" He demanded, "But I thought that I was ALWAYS your best friend!"

"But Joey!" Came Yugi's voice, "I thought you said that you liked me better!"

Joey froze and said, "Uh…well I…"

"-and whose going to be MY best friend?" Tea exclaimed.

"Get lost wetter," Duke said. Tea left the room crying and, all in all, everybody felt pretty miserable…it only got worse. Ryou and Mary Sue had gotten out of the closet and were now running rampant in the Purple Pegasus Palace.

"I don't like this game any more!" Ryou shouted as Mary Sue chased him down a long corridor, a knife in her hand.

"But you suggested the game," Mary Sue retorted.

"That's right," Said Ryou in his Yami voice (Because it really was his Yami… understand? I didn't think so, oh well.)

"And this game is much more fun than that stupid circle game we played earlier!" Mary Sue continued.

"But everyone likes the circle game," Ryou protested, panting as he turned a corner and dove down another hall. Mary Sue followed, the knife gleaming. "Everyone's told me so! And its non-violent Oof!" He tripped and began falling down a long flight of stairs. The Mary Sue, being the smart but still very dimwitted OC that she was tripped as well. Things would've indeed turned out for the worse if someone had not stopped them half way down.

"Gee… where are you going?" It was Mokuba, and Raphael.

"Please help me," said Ryou, getting to his feet shakily and hiding behind Raphael. "She doesn't play nice with others…"

"Huh?" Raphael looked up the stairs where the Mary Sue was falling towards them at a rapid rate. In seconds she was stopped by Raphael's arm, looking murderous… but beautiful and sweet and perfect at the same time.

"Mokuba?" she said, seeing the boy clutching on to Raphael's other arm. She smiled at once, and with purely innocent curiosity asked "So… where's Setty?"

"He's with the others, in Pegasus's living room." Said Mokuba. "Why?"

"Oh nothing…" said the Mary sue, playing the part of the tormented lover. "It would never work out anyhow! I'm pure and good and kind hearted, with moral values. And Seto's evil, cold and evil."

"You said evil twice." Mokuba pointed out.

"God! What is it with you people and correcting the dialogue in this story? I said 'evil' twice because repetition gets the point across better!" Huffed the Mary Sue. "Anyhow… where was I? Oh yes! Our love could never truly work out…"

"You got that right," said Mokuba, giggling.

"Argh! You little brat!" cried Mary Sue, grabbing Mokuba by the shirt collar. "Can't you see that I was talking to myself right there? You're not supposed to add your comments!"

"Then why did you say it out loud?" asked Mokuba, looking confused.

"Because not saying it out loud would take a lot of thinking!" Mary sue said, obviously becoming more and more irritated. "And I don't like to think!"

"We can see that" said Raphael.

Mary Sue didn't seem to compute the insult. "Whatever…" she said. "Lets just find Setty so that I can start playing the misunderstood one that has more in common with Kaiba than he thinks…"

"I doubt it…" mumbled Mokuba, "But I've gotta get back to him anyhow. Seto might be worried."

Seto, however, had already forgotten about his little brother, and was having some difficulties with Pegasus.

"Just tell me how the hell people keep on driving here when there's nowhere to drive!" He said, practically shaking Pegasus.

"Hm," said Pegasus calmly, as if thinking it through, despite the fact that Kaiba was very close to strangling him. "No idea, Kaiba-boy, but why ever would you want to know a thing like that?"

"I've told you four times." Kaiba said, teeth gritted "Don't play dumb. I've got a company to run."

"Work, work, work!" Pegasus said, waving it aside. "Work is so boring. I'm only interested in fun."

"You know…" said Joey, suddenly appearing by Kaiba's side.

"What is it mutt?" seethed Kaiba. "And this better not be about food! Tristan told me not to feed you."

"He what?" Joey asked in alarm, "But I haven't eaten since breakfast! And that was like ten pages ago! But I wasn't talking about food, I was just going to bring up the fact that somehow Me and My buds walked here, like, 140 pages ago, and we were traveling from a desert…"

"Yeah, but we got to this island by helicopter!" Kaiba said. He sighed when Joey stared blankly at him and said "What were we talking about?"

"THE ISLAND! How do we get off?" Kaiba yelled.

"We're on an island?" Joey asked, "Wow! You learn something new everyday…" With that he thanked Kaiba for the info and went off to seek entertainment in a video game.

"Pegasus," Seto said in a 'struggling to be calm' voice, "What is this about? If you want money just give me the word!"

Pegasus chuckled "Oh Kaiba-boy, you're a French fry or two short of a happy meal I'm afraid, but don't worry, I'll speak slowly and loudly for you,"

Kaiba ground his teeth but let Pegasus continue.

"I want your company," Pegasus said simply.

"I've already told you, you're not getting Kaiba Corp." Kaiba said, "It'd be in ruins by the end of one day,"

"Stupid, stupid Seto," Pegasus scoffed, obviously enjoying this, "I wasn't talking about Kaiba corp. I was talking about 'your company' as in, I want you to stay and be my friend,"

Kaiba thought he was going to be sick, "I've changed my mind," He said, "You can take Kaiba corp."

"Oh don't be so cold, Kaiba-boy," Pegasus said, "Its not so bad on this island, its like a permanent holiday!"

"It's a loony bin," Kaiba said flatly, "-and I don't do holidays, they stress me out."

Yes, Seto Kaiba was a Vacation-phobic. They really were quite terrifying. What with the relaxation and all-round general happiness. Kaiba was about to pound Pegasus into a pulp (Sheesh he's scary) when he heard a voice that he thought he would never have to hear again (Well, not in this fan fic at least).

"SETTY!" Came the sing song voice of the melodic Mary Sue, both her and Mokuba came and gave him a great big hug. When they stopped Kaiba's coat was in sad shape.

"Look who I found, Nii Sama!" Mokuba laughed, "Its your girl friend!"

This caused the Mary Sue to blush bright pink. Kaiba snorted, "Sorry," He said, "I'm already taken,"

0o Mary Sue looked confused. "Is it Serenity?" She asked.

"No," Kaiba answered.

"Well, is it Tea?"

"HELL NO!" Kaiba growled.

"Tristan?" Mary Sue asked. Kaiba went into stressed business man pose.

Mary Sue mistook this gesture for charades and started guessing what he was trying to convey "A monkey!" She shouted.

"An idiot!" Pegasus joined in.

"Yourself!" Mary Sue added.

"Ooh, that's a good one," Mokuba put in, "But I think I know what it is," With that he said, "Is it your work?"

Kaiba looked at his brother and sighed, "Duh," He said, and went off to watch the stock market on his computer.

"Yer Work?" Mary Sue asked, "Who is this 'Yer Work?' I must find her."

Not even the Yu-gi-oh characters could dignify this stupidity with an answer. Instead Mokuba settled for running after his brother and demanding that he take the Mary sue out on one date. Pharaoh shuddered.

"What is it Yami?" asked Yugi, "Is there some spiritual trouble afoot? Do you detect the faint smell of disaster on the air? Is Tristan cooking again?"

"No…" said Pharaoh, giving his Hikari a quizzical look.

"Then what is it?" asked Yugi. "Why did you shudder?"

"Oh nothing… its just Kaiba's coat isn't looking too good right now… it just kind of brings back memories…" He shuddered again, and glanced about to make sure that Alistair was thoroughly distracted with something else.

"Oh…" said Yugi. "Yeah I guess Kaiba has extras though. He'll be okay."

"Which reminds me." Said Pharaoh. "I brought my coat to the dry cleaners… and I never got it back."

"Well then lets go get it!" said Yugi. "I could do with some fresh air."

"Right, we'll take Pegasus's car."

Joe, formerly known as Coffee Grounds, was sitting in a security booth being extremely bored. So far his to do list was:

1: Clean Security Booth

2: See how long he could hold his breath

Things were pretty boring. The security booth was spotless and his record had been half a minute…Than Valon paid him a visit.

"Hello," Valon said, popping in front of the security booth and surprising Joe who exhaled in fright and never made it passed the thirty seconds.

"What?" He asked angrily. Valon smiled and peered into the booth. Again Joe asked what he wanted.

"You got tellies in there?" Valon asked.

"Televisions? Yeah." Joe replied.

"Are they hooked up to cameras?" Valon asked. Joe didn't like the Australian's smirk.

"Yes, these are camera monitors," Joe said proudly. As if the technology should blow Valon away.

"And those cameras," Valon went on, "They see everything that goes on inside the purple palace?"

"Yup!" Joe said, "Except the bathrooms and-" He shuddered, "the wardrobes,"

"Oh, never mind," Valon sighed. Joe raised an eyebrow.

"Was there something that I could do for you?" He asked.

"Well," Valon sighed, "I was looking for extra cameras but it seems like you have to use all of them."

"Cameras? For what?" Joe asked suspiciously.

"Why, my new web site of course!" Valon announced, "I'm recording our stay in the Palace of Purple- you know, its like reality TV!"

"Reality TV?" Joe exclaimed, "I LOVE REALITY TV! Here, I'll help you get the cameras!"

Valon was instantly perky, "Alright than, lets go get them!"

"Oh," It was Joe's turn to sigh, "I have to stay here and work..."

"No you don't!" Valon argued, "You're the only security guard here, whose gonna know? Besides, what could possibly happen?"

"You're right," Said Joe, "How would anyone leave the island anyhow!" With that Joe and Valon went off to find the cameras…leaving the ferry that took people off of the island completely open…Joe didn't even notice when Pegasus's car went passed him and out onto it.

Mean While…

"Nii Sama, what are you doing?" Mokuba asked.

"I'm building a raft, what does it look like?" Kaiba snapped.

"It doesn't look like a raft," Mokuba muttered. This was true. The only thing that Kaiba had managed to build was a lump of twigs, grass and bits of his coat (that was an accident). Kaiba had gone a little crazy…to say the least. His hair was out in every direction, his eyes were bulging and he kept on chanting, "Must get off the island, must get off the island."

"I don't understand," Kaiba yelled, he'd given up the normal decibel level of voice a long time ago, "It looked perfect on the 3-D blue print!"

"Maybe you're just not good at building things," Mokuba said, "That's too bad really, Alistair is almost done with his raft,"

"Well Mikeys helping him!" Kaiba said, "Unlike you, you're just standing there- being useless!"

Mokuba's eyes watered, "But Nii Sama…You try to bite me every time I come near…"

Kaiba growled and continued working.

"Hey!" Alistair said, walking up to them, "We're done with our raft, you guys want to have a race-" He frowned at the jumble of sticks that Kaiba had built, "Well, maybe later," He shrugged, "Come on Mikey, lets go paint our names onto the raft, you can use the big paint brush since you helped so much!"

He giggled and went off. Mokuba assumed that Mikey had left as well and returned to glaring at his brother.

"Seto!" Mokuba said. This got Kaiba's attention.

"You just called me by my name," Kaiba muttered, it meant that his brother was serious.

"Yes," Mokuba said, "I think that we should go back to the drawing board, we don't need a raft, we could…I don't know, E-mail Roland or…call him up…or something…"

"Mokuba," Kaiba sighed, "Sometimes a guy has to do things on his own," He looked over Mokuba's shoulder at where Alistair was dancing with Mikey and said, "Like steal a raft,"


	16. The Laundromat

Mean while in Domino City…

"Where's the Laundromat?" Pharaoh asked Yugi.

"Uh, maybe I should drive-" Began Yugi, but his Yami shot him a glare and he shut up. Pharaoh did not know how to drive, he'd never done it before, "Look at the map, Yugi!" Pharaoh commanded," I've never been able to find my way around Domino city."

He came up to a stop light where six cars were lined up and decided to use the side walk to go around them.

"Pharaoh! You're going over 70mph!" Yugi exclaimed.

"Hah!" Pharaoh said, "I'm well over 80, what's your point?"

"I showed you where the break was, didn't I?" Asked Yugi.

"I dunno," Pharaoh shrugged, "Now which way do I go? Oh! Never mind! There it is!" He parked the car…inside the Laundromat.

"PHARAOH!" Yugi exclaimed, the air bag had gone off and Yugi was struggling not to suffocate. Everybody inside of the Laundromat screamed and ran out…except for the ones trapped under the car…they just screamed a lot….most of them… Two washing machines had toppled over, as well as a vending machine which blew up.  
Pharaoh got out of the car to check his parking. "Perfect," He said, noting the straight wheels, "Come on Yugi, we've got to lock up the car. I don't trust people in this neighborhood."

Yugi was indignant, "Hey!" He yelled, "This is my neighborhood!"

"Well I wasn't insulting YOU," Pharaoh rolled his eyes, "But you've got to admit, there are some creeps, like the old guy in the games shop!"

"Gramps?" Yugi asked.

"What ever," Pharaoh said, "-And then theres that guy with the offensive hair,"

"Tristan?" Yugi asked,

"-And his muttish friend," Pharaoh added.

"Joey?" Yugi said.

"-And the friendship girl,"

"Well, yeah, her," Yugi admitted, "But the rest of those are my friends and/or family members!" Yugi was really peeved.

"Come along Hikari," Pharaoh said, "We'll douse your head before it explodes,"

They both walked up to the front desk, where Pharaoh began to ring the little bell that was placed there. He continued for three minutes. "Damnit!" he cried, "HELLO! Is anybody here?"

"I don't think any body's coming-"

"Shut it, Motou!" Pharaoh snapped, "I am the godly pharaoh! People were placed on this planet to serve me!"

"Yeah… but you just ran most of them over…" Yugi glanced at the people that were struggling to get out from under the car. Most of them were swearing at Pharaoh… most of them, Though a few were hardly in any shape to curse… let alone talk. "Why don't we just go back there and find your coat… I'm sure they won't mind."

"Nonsense Yugi!" Pharaoh said. "Their sign out there clearly states that they'll serve us with pleasure! And if they don't-"

"My leg!" screamed a person in the back of the room. "You broke my leg!"

"I don't like it here…" said Yugi. "It scares me."

"Nonsense, those are just the senile locals. They always start acting this way when someone under 95 years of age comes into town…"

"You're not being very nice, Pharaoh, this is the city that we live in," Yugi commented.

"Don't get all 'Tea' on me," Pharaoh said, disregarding Yugi's statement…as usual… "Domino City is, in Pegasus's words, BORING. The Purple Pegasus Palace is the place to be!"

"That place is creepy!" Yugi argued, "Don't tell me we're going back!"

"Of course we are!" Pharaoh said, "Purple is my color, after all,"

Yugi ran behind the counter to find Pharaoh's coat while Pharaoh scolded the person with the broken leg for being so careless around parked cars.

Back at the Purple Pegasus Palace (Man, we jump around a lot!)

"Hey Joey!" Tristan threw a pillow at his friend, "Get out of the way, I'm watching TV!"

"So am I," Joey retorted, "Only I'm watching the light pixels, heh heh, the pretty colors."

"You're barely an inch away from the screen!" Tristan yelled, "Come on Joey, Its not good for your eyes-"

Valon snuck into the room. It was empty aside from the two Television junkies. Valon was carrying a big bag of cameras. They weren't small or, when he had finished setting them up, even hidden. But he didn't expect any one on this island to notice, they weren't exactly geniuses.

"Croquet," Pegasus sighed. He was in his television room, actually- his own camera monitor room. He was staring at the screen for the living room. "Why is Valon putting a security camera over…the security camera?"

Croquet didn't answer, his face was emotionless…he was wax.

"Ah, good point," Pegasus nodded, "He simply doesn't realize that my camera is there. Well, it is hidden rather well, now isn't it?"

It was hidden in the leaves of a potted plant that had been nailed to an otherwise empty wall. It was a rather suspicious way to hide a camera, but, again, These are Yu-Gi-Oh characters.

Croquet said nothing

"Well you don't have to be that way about it" said Pegasus "and no, you do not get a pay-raise"

In the living room…

"Joey! What's the point of watching TV if you aren't going to watch TV?" Tristan walked over to where Joey's face was practically connecting with the television and grabbed him by the ear. Tristan didn't duel so he had some physical strength (not much, but some) and managed to pull Joey away.

"Hey! They were just getting to a really good part!" argued Joey.

"Good part? All there is is this blue screen! You're not even watching a show!"

"So? Some of us don't need fancy characters and plots to understand a good story!" Tristan didn't bother to reply to this. It wouldn't do any good. Instead he rolled his eyes and muttered something about taking a walk, before stalking out of the room.

"Hey, where are you going?" It was the Mary Sue. Tristan, who had just stepped out of the front door, looked curiously at her.

"Are you…um, talking to me?" he asked. The Mary Sue shrugged.

"I guess… why?"

Tristan blushed. "Er… its just, well, the Mary sues never notice me in the stories. I guess I'm not good Mary-Sue boyfriend material…" He frowned. "The fan fiction authors seem to think I'm either gay or just perverted…"

"Oh, well in that case," The Mary sue was about to turn away when Tristan grabbed her by the arm.

"No! Wait! Do you…um, wanna walk with me? I'm going to the beach… and I left the kids…er I mean, Joey and Yugi in the house."

"Hm, well I guess." Sighed Mary Sue. "But I'm only doing this because I'm not supposed to be judgmental or rude."

"Uh…okay." said Tristan, already regretting his decision to bring Mary Sue with him.

"I don't think this is working…" said Mokuba, sitting on Alistair's raft as Kaiba struggled to row it out to sea.

"Must get off of stupid, purple island…" Said Kaiba, barely noticing his brother's comment. "Must get off of stupid, purple island…"

"Hey Mikey!" Said Alistair, who was also sitting on the raft. "You should help Kaiba. He looks tired." Mikey, who was apparently sitting on Alistair's shoulders didn't seem to like the idea. "… Don't you use that tone of voice with me Mikey!" Alistair scolded. "And Seto Kaiba is NOT a better brother than me!...Oh, I'm sorry Mikey… please don't cry! I didn't mean to get angry…"

"I'm going to call Roland…" said Mokuba, withdrawing his cell phone.

"No!" gasped Kaiba. "Going… to do… this… alone!" He faltered and accidentally fell into the water (it was his 38th time in there since he had stolen the raft.)

"But big brother…" whined Mokuba. "My clothes are getting wet! And my hair won't spike properly! This humidity is making it frizz!" This was true. Mokuba's Hair was so frizzy at this point, that it had turned into an afro. Seto's hair, however, was plastered to his head, from being so wet, and had twigs and tropical fish wriggling in it.

"We all have to make sacrifices," Kaiba told Mokuba, "It'll all be worth it in the end-" His voice was drowned out by the sound of the ferry returning to the island.

Joe took another doughnut out of the box as he watched the camera monitors. Nothing too exciting had happened so far, except that he had held his breath for a whole thirty nine seconds. The doughnut fell out of his hand when he saw two people striding up from the ferry dock. "That must be Dartz!" He said aloud, "What was I supposed to do about Dartz?" He asked himself, trying to remember Pegasus's instructions. "Oh yes," He said aloud…he got lonely with no one to talk to…"I was supposed to call the boss!"

Ring Ring "Croquet! Get the phone!" Pegasus said. Croquet, of course, did not move, "Croquet! Don't make me wait forever! It might be important!"

The wax figure stared blankly at Pegasus.

"Of course! You're right Croquet!" Pegasus sighed, "The phone is on the table right in front of me, If I try then I can answer it myself." After a strenuous reach for the phone Pegasus pushed the speaker phone button.

"Yes?" He asked.

"Mr. Pegasus Sir, this is black coffee grounds!"

"I don't recall ever meeting a black coffee grounds," Pegasus sighed, "Or is that what you're advertising? Well I'm not interested in coffee grounds thank you very much," He hung up the phone, "Telemarketers," He muttered to Croquet.

The phone rang again. "My arm will be sore tomorrow!" Pegasus complained as he again pressed the speaker phone button.

"Pegasus, Mr Pegasus! This is Joe…the security guard," Came Joe's voice.

"Security Guard Boy!" Pegasus exclaimed, "Would you mind screening my calls? The damn telemarketers are after my money again!"

"Uh, alright sir," Joe replied, "But I'm calling because two people just arrived onto the island, I think one of them could be Dartz."

"Let him in, but not the other," Pegasus ordered.

"Yessir," Joe said. There was a click as the security guard hung up.

"Pharaoh," Yugi complained, "I think Pegasus would have appreciated if we hadn't left his car on the ferry, You're just being stubborn!"

"If I can't drive it nobody can!" Pharaoh pouted, "If you just gave me the keys-"

"No," Yugi said automatically, "All I can say about you're driving skills is that it's a good thing we can't die!"

"But you go the speed limit, Yugi!" Moaned Pharaoh. "It would've taken us DAYS to get back to the island if you had driven! Besides, your feet can't reach the pedals anyhow."

"Yes they can…" lied Yugi.

"Excuse me," A security guard stepped in front of them, "Only one of you can go beyond this point,"

"Why?" Asked Yugi, Pharaoh slapped a hand over his mouth and said

"The short one will stay, he doesn't like it here anyhow,"

"Alright Mr. Dartz," The security guard nodded, "You can go through,"

"But he's not-" Began Yugi, again pharaoh shut him up.

"Yes," Pharoah said, "I, Master Dartz, will go through!"

"But what will I do?" Yugi complained.

Joe scratched his head, "There's a beach down there, you can go and build sand castles! Here, I'll take you there,"

Pharaoh went off to the Purple Pegasus Palace and Joe took Yugi's arm.

"So how old are you, Kid? Seven? Eight?" Joe handed him a lollipop.

"I'm sixteen!" Yugi snapped, shoving the lollipop out of his face, "And Tristan told me never to take candy from strangers!"

"Alright," Joe rolled his eyes, "Don't take the candy, what do I care. I'm Joe, I'm-" He snickered, "105 years old!" Yugi glared as Joe burst into laughter, "Come on little guy, Alistair will watch you."

"NOOOOOO!" Yugi exclaimed.

"MIKEY!" Alistair yelled when he saw him, "I've been worried sick! I didn't mean to yell at you that way! I'm sorry!" Alistair picked Yugi up and gave him a cuddle.

"Let go of me, you monster!" Yugi screamed, "Somebody help! Anybody!" Joe had left to tend to his 'work' and Kaiba was yelling at Mokuba. "Isn't there anybody who will help me?" Yugi cried.

"Yugi!" Came Tristan's voice. Yugi sighed in relief as his 'friend' pried Alistair off of him.

"You're alright now," Tristan said consolingly. Yugi nodded and went to build a sand castle while Alistair had gone back to talking to thin air.

Suddenly there was an uncharacteristic squeal of fright from Kaiba. While a melodic squeal sang out of the beautiful(but not too beautiful) Mary Sue.

"Setty!" Mary Sue yelled, running up to him and getting sand all over those highly fashionable clothes that she had just thrown on that morning, "I missed you too!" She said. Giving him an almost hug but then stopping shyly. She stared blankly as Kaiba made no move to sweep her off of her feet. He seemed to be growling…

"Don't touch him!" Mokuba warned, "He hasn't had his shots!"

"You mean he's sick?" Mary Sue asked, "He's terminally Ill? Oh god no!" She sank to her knees and bawled…only she bawled quietly and it sounded like music. "Oh Setty, now We'll never have a chance to reveal our forbidden love! Our child will grow up with out ever knowing his father!"

Kaiba stopped trying to put his almost non-existent strength against the current and stared at Mary Sue blankly, "We don't have a child," He said. Mary Sue blinked.

"We will when we're married," She said after a moment and laughed, "Oh Setty, with my looks, my intellect and my out going nature we'll have the PERFECT children!"

"No we won't," Kaiba argued, "Because we're not getting married!"

"Stop denying our LOVE!" Mary Sue said in frustration, "Or I'll be forced to love the second most over used character in romance fan fics, RYOU!" Somewhere from the Purple Pegasus Palace Ryou could be heard screaming. "… or Joey…" She continued. "Though he's more of your type, don't you think?"

"I don't have time for this," Kaiba growled. "If you're so desperate to have a husband then why don't you take Taylor over there. He needs to have a girlfriend at some point… Girl being the key word there…"

"But Nii Sama…" Kaiba groaned. Why did Mokuba always have to spoil his clever plans? "I NEED a mother figure in my life!"

"No you don't!" Seto shot him a glare. "I'm the only brother/father/mother that you need!"

"But Alistair-"

"Mokuba…" Kaiba said warningly. Mokuba was instantly silenced.

"I would be a great mother/sister to lil' Moki!" Mary Sue squealed. "I can even make cookies!" Kaiba rolled his eyes.

"Fine," he said. Mary Sue almost fainted as Kaiba seemingly gave in. "You can baby sit Mokuba today."

"Yay- what?" Mokuba and Mary Sue said together.

"I said you can baby sit Mokuba today… I've got to find that stupid Ferry, then I'm going back to work." Kaiba smiled triumphantly… and then instantly corrected himself by replacing it with a selfish scowl.

"But big brother…" Mokuba looked worried. "I don't want to be alone with her-"

"I'll come by and pick you up tomorrow, Mokuba." Said Kaiba, waving goodbye as he trudged out of the water and walked, soaking wet, to the security booth, located not too far away.

"NOOO!" Wailed Mokuba and Mary Sue together.

"Hey Mokuba, you can play with me." Said Yugi. He was sitting in the sand, just a few yards away, building a sandcastle. Tristan watched from the shade of a palm tree, taking pictures every now and then and remarking to Alistair how sweet little kids were.

"Eh… I think I'd rather hang out with Mary sue…" shuddered Mokuba.

"Hey you!" said Kaiba, walking up to the security booth, that Joe sat in. Joe, who'd been busy trying to complete a cross word puzzle, looked up and gulped.

"Mr.Kaiba sir…" he said, getting to his feet, worried that Pegasus might have found out about him leaving for a while and had sent Kaiba here to fire him. "What can I do for you?"

"Do you know about a ferry that goes to and from this island?"

"Y-yes Mr.Kaiba."

"Where does it dock?"

"I can't-"

"Tell me or you're fired!"

"But Pegasus said-"

"I don't care what he said!" Kaiba shouted, looming over the security desk. "I'm getting off this island, and if that means torturing you to do so, then I'll just have Valon pay you a little visit."

"But Valon wouldn't do that!" Joe said stubbornly… and stupidly. "We're friends! I helped him get his cameras!"

"What do you mean you're friends? And WHAT cameras? Tell me or I swear-"

"He's documenting your stay here at the Palace of Purple." Joe said quickly. Kaiba's scowl deepened.

"My stay?"

"Your's and Mr. Wheelers… and I guess there's a separate part devoted to the wardrobe…" Joe squeaked the last few words out, ready for a blow to the head. To his surprise, Kaiba began to chuckle.

"Well that's too bad for that little biker punk then. I'm leaving. Where did you say the ferry was?"

"T-there, Mr.Kaiba…" He pointed a shaky finger towards a road that was labeled 'Ferry this way!'"

"Hmm, I somehow think I should've seen that sooner…" Kaiba mused. "Oh well. I'm leaving."

"But Mr. Kaiba! You can't! Pegasus said that no one could leave the island!"

"That's right," Came the ever drawling voice of Valon, "The soul of the pharaoh…"

"What?" Kaiba snapped, staring at the newly appeared Valon who was standing next to him.

"Huh?" Valon asked, looking at him, "Sorry, I was day dreaming, what's going on here?" He nudged Joe and asked, "Have you got any good footage yet?"

Joe sighed and replied, "I have Mokuba and Yugi in a fist fight, Tea trying to scratch the three headed dog behind the ears and the Mary-Sue drowning…nothing exciting yet."

"No back stabbing? No unpleasant surprises?" Valon asked hopefully. Joe shook his head and then said, "Hold on, there's another person coming in from the ferry dock!"

Dartz grumbled to himself as he walked off of the Ferry. The unpleasant news of his Building's destruction had reached him just as he had gotten onto dry land and he had ridden the ferry all the way back with plans of murder. As he came upon the security booth he saw the culprit standing there, no traces of guilt on his face. "God he's tall," Dartz muttered to himself, trying to decide which form of murder would work best, "What is he, seven feet? Eight? I wonder how much he works out?"

Kaiba looked down the path, past the enraged Dartz and saw the Ferry…leaving.

"NOOOO!" Seto groaned, falling to his knees.

"That's right," Dartz growled, mistaking Kaiba's exasperation for fear, "You're dead!"

Kaiba, ignoring the statement, shoved past Dartz and went running after the Ferry yelling, "STOP! STOP! Turn Around DAMMIT!"

Dartz went tearing after him and Valon and Joe returned to watching the screen…and waiting for something-anything-exciting to happen. The sun was almost down when the first reality TV moment occurred. Tristan had found the mysterious room called "Speak your mind to the camera," (Which Valon had set up earlier) and he had decided to tell the camera his thoughts. He sat down on a chair, a mauve colored backdrop behind him, and stared seriously at the camera lens in front of him.

"Its, like, Eight-0-clock at Pegasus's mansion," He sighed, "And-basically- everybody's just getting really restless. Seto was attacked by Dartz and he isn't even filing a lawsuit, he's just sitting at the ferry dock…he won't even come up to eat so Mary-Sues been, like, stressing out. Which really spreads bad vibes. Duke," His eyes watered, "Has been taking this Joey thing really hard. I feel really bad but at the same time I just get really annoyed with his jealousy…so…yeah. I haven't told the kids yet…their gonna be crushed." Tristan got up and left the room. He felt better now. Maybe he would go back to head butting trees in a few days.

Next to go in the room was Duke. He sat down and paused for a dramatic moment before saying

"Tristan's been bugging me a lot lately, he's all 'stop being so jealous duke', which is totally not my style. I just can't be happy for someone who chose Joey over me. I mean, the guys a completely nimrod! But hey, that's just my opinion! Nobody cares about that. I was all like- 'we should order a supreme pizza instead of listing off all of the toppings' but they were all like 'but we don't want any cheese', and I was like 'Order the supreme with out cheese' and-god. Who doesn't want cheese on their pizza?"

Valon buried his head in his hands, "This is crap!" He exclaimed, "Complete Crap…" He looked up and smiled, "Its perfect!" He and Joe were sitting in the Security Booth, they slapped each other a high five. This was gold. Now to get up the ratings. "Here we go," Valon said, pressing the enter button on the computer, "Its reality TV, LIVE!" Valon gave a malicious "Muahahahahaha!" And then turned to the screen that watched the living room…where Joey had just turned on the TV and found himself watching…himself.

"Hey!" Joey exclaimed, "We're on TV!"

…TO BE CONTINUED


	17. Dr Phil & Porc

Perky Perkinsen: Heeeelllllllllllowdy There folks! Its me-AGAIN! Well here we are facing another 50 minute commercial free set but before we pummel your ears with our idea of good music I'd just like to congratulate Seto Kaiba and Mary-Sue Smith. Word from A Kaiba Fan-Site says that they have just announced their engagement, Seto Kaiba has been quoted saying that he wishes Mokuba Kaiba, his younger brother, was alive today to see how happy he is! Now for some good old fashioned 'we've all heard it and hated it' elevator music! On a side note folks theres a message from the French Bacon Association: Avertissement: Le lard de decoupage avec des tronconneuses peut avoir comme consequence des dommages serieux...le fromage de bleu cause le cancer. ... ah yes, I bet the ladies didn't know that good ol' perky knew the french, now did they? I'm fluuuent!

Narrator(aka Pharaoh): Previously on Lost…erm, I mean, Yu-gi-oh!

A bunch of stuff blew your mind with the intense pressure of un- concentrated randomness and bits of your brain splattered the windshield of an oceanic plane which, terrified, went a thousand miles off course and nose dived into an uninhabited island where a bunch of people managed to survive and learn how to help out other people, and just when they thought they were safe a monster bit off some one's head…but this is not their story…even if it is your fault. This is the story about a boy who sounds like a girl who gets a puzzle that makes him sound like a guy. He rejoices. Then his inner man turns out to be an evil 5000 year old pharaoh that rox his sox at dueling with card monsters. He's only sort of rejoicing now. Then after a few seasons of this show the Pharaoh loses a duel to Raphael in the seal of oricalchose, and the boy's soul is taken. He is not rejoicing, he is a vegetable. Its somewhere in between this point and never that our story first took place…sort of…well, no-not really-but it'd be cool if it had. Instead our story began with the loss of this boy's life to an accident involving a street light, a semi-truck and a pointy haired pedestrian who didn't look both ways before he crossed the street. Thus leading to Pharaoh's nasty drug habit, Tristan's affinity for his hair, Joey's extremely veracious appetite and Tea's suicide… But, by a strange twist of logic, nobody can actually die in an imaginary world (Sirius Black Fans rejoice). So What the living characters thought were zombies turned out to be alive and healthy human beings…and a few fans as well. Any who eventually a plague of randomness leads these yu-gi-oh characters to the very purple winter house of Maximillion Pegasus on either a Vespa or a Helicopter or a mix of the two.(?) So, what with all of these yu-gi-oh characters stuck in a purple mansion with each other things should get interesting. And what's a better thing to do with interesting than to air it on TV live as a reality TV show? Well, That's exactly what the Pegasus Island's current genius Biker 'Punk' Valon decided to do. (Please understand that the term 'genius' does not necessarily define accomplishment in this fan fiction) So there you are, all caught up….yup….so I guess I should…introduce the intro…so here you go. (Yu-gi-oh music plays but instead of seeing Card Monsters you see Pegasus's purple palace, glimpses of the characters and a lot of glamour shots of Valon)

"Hold the camera steady Joe!" Valon warned. He was standing on the beach with the scenic ferry chugging by in the background.

"Alright," Joe said, "You're on in 3…2…1!"

A red light appeared on the video camera to show that it was recording.

"Hello, I'm Biker Punk Valon your host for tonight's Fan-Friction, the story behind Fan Fics, the tension in TV, The panic that pursues the people in Pegasus's Palace of Purple as well known Duelists such as Seto Kaiba, Yugi Mutou, Yugi's alter-ego and their friends and/or enemies compete for nothing in particular. Can they withstand the insanity of living together or will they merely tolerate it? Its all today and its all live, here of FAN FRICTION!" Joe stopped recording and gave Valon the thumbs up.

"That was awesome!" Valon punched the air and the gust from the swift movement sent Kaiba-who had been running for the Ferry-flying into the water instead.

"Valon, you idiot!" Came the voice of the disgruntled Kaiba, "You know I don't weigh more than a piece of paper!"

"You were wet anyhow…" replied Valon, waving it aside. "Now lets go to the camera that's in the wardrobe. I think Pegasus just sent Mr. Hawkins in there…"

"Please… if it isn't too much trouble, can you let me out?" asked Mr. Hawkins, sounding far too polite given his current situation.

The scene turns back to Valon who stares blankly until he realizes its on, "That was…hilarious," He says unenthusiastically, "Alright, lets hope we have better luck with the living room cam!"

Scene goes to Living room where Joey is staring at the TV screen in dumb shock…he's been like that for hours… Yugi (Don't ask how he got back in) walks by and stops to talk to Joey.

"Hey Joey!" He says in his 'dorkier-than-mokuba's' voice, "What are you watching?"

…no answer…

"Joey, are you alright?" Yugi asks, after another moment of silence Yugi turns red with anger, "FINE! Be that way! I never wanted to be your friend ANYWAYS! I'm going over to the 'Speak your Mind' Room!"

Valon grinned, "This is more like it! Alright folks! We'll be back after these-"

"Uh, Valon," Joe interrupted, "You're not on right now, we went straight to the 'Speak your mind' Cam."

Yugi went to the 'Speak your mind' room and opened the door. To his surprise it was packed full of people.

"I WANT TO TALK TO THE UNQUESTIONED CAMERA!" Tea yelled trying to scratch Ryou out of the seat.

"But I got here first!" Ryou argued in a very unthreatening voice.

"Move it Losers!" Mokuba yelled, sounding a lot like his brother. He scrambled to the camera and said "I Think I'm losing my mind!" loudly into it. Raphael went to the chair where Ryou and Tea were murdering each other and sat down. At which point there was a squawk from Alistair of "YOU KILLED MIKEY!"

"I'm right here you idiot!" Pharaoh exclaimed, angry that the almighty Pharaoh had not gotten first dibs on the unquestioned chair in front of the unquestioned camera.

"CANNON BALL!" Yelled Duke as he jumped onto the chair. He was immediately pushed off by Raphael.

"Hey, Play nicely!" Tristan said in a warning voice, "We don't want to enforce bad habits-uf!" He was knocked aside by the strong, but not too strong, Mary Sue. She had been standing in the corner waiting for some one to notice that she wasn't competitive but than her remarkable, never give up, competitiveness kicked in and that was basically screwed.

"I get to talk to the camera-boy!" Came Pegasus's shrill voice, "Its my palace!"

Rebecca, the short, crazy one, yelled at the top of her voice, "DON'T YOU WONDER WHY THERES A MYSTERIOUS UNQUESTIONED CAMERA?"

At that moment the mysterious men in black came and took Rebecca away for 'questioning', when she returned half a minute later she looked a little dazed…and dumb(er).

Now here's what Timmy, an at home viewer, saw.

(Disclaimer: Timmy is a fictional character that I just made up on the spot. As it is I suspect many people have also made up Fictional Timmys right on the spot thus the disclaimer. We're sorry to any Timmy fans who find him a little out of character,)

Timmy had just heard from a friend that this super kool website played a live reality TV show that included some of the best known monster duelists. He forgot about it but the show was such a success that a big television network seized it and played it on channel 9…live. It just so happened that Timmy watched channel 9. And right now he was watching his idols- that he had dreamed of dueling against since he had gotten his first card- beat the crap out of each other in a fashion akin to a gigantic fist fight inside an Irish pub. His eyes were wide with horror as he recognized his pen pal, Mokuba Kaiba, yelling his insanity to the entire world…

"… and further more, I think my brother has rabies and he's now abandoned me on THIS STUPID ISLAND WHERE EVERYBODY HAS LOST THEIR MINDS!" Mokuba's 'fro sparked slightly, and a vein could be seen throbbing on his forehead. Timmy was scared.

"WHAT ABOUT US!" exclaimed Rex and Weevil, who had been shoved into random corners. They were to be ignored, however, because no one really likes them anyhow. It was then that Mai barged into the room, looking miffed.

"I need to talk to the camera!" she said in a do it or else tone of voice. Nobody argued, and Mai sat down in the chair. The room went silent… except for the voice of Mr. Hawkins who had been released from the closet a few minutes earlier. He was now dressed in a safari outfit, and was holding binoculars up to his eyes. He was talking as if he were on one of those nature shows.

"…and now we see the obviously dominant female take her place at the seasonal camera sitting area. Oh! Whats this? She's spotted something! Why… she's coming this way, with a mallet! Oh, I say! She's coming very close and-"

WHACK!

"That's better." Said Mai, and returned to her chair.

Scene goes back to Valon who's watching a mini TV as Mai talks to the camera, "Sheeee's beeeutiful," He sighs.

Joe coughed loudly, he didn't want to embarrass Valon but they WERE on national TV.

"Oh!" Valon looked up and laughed nervously, "Hallo!" He said, "I'm Biker Punk Valon and this is Fan Friction! We'll be back after these messages,"

In the 'Speak your Mind' Room a voice asked Mai to wait with her complaints until the commercial break was over…she found nothing wrong with this and waited politely.

Perky Perkinson: Holy Cow! I got a TV spot! Things are looking up, Up, UP! And it's a BEAUTIFUL day to sit inside and watch Fan Friciton! Today's Fan Friction is brought to you by Yu-Gi-Oh Trading Cards. Buy them ALREADY! And also by Kaiba Corp. Now for some actual commercials!

Kaiba was finally on the Ferry having tea with Dartz. They were watching the television with mild interest until Kaiba heard the Kaiba Corp. Ad.

"WHAT? I'm not sponsoring this show!" He yelled angrily. Standing up and dropping one of Dartz's highly treasured tea cups. Dartz groaned and got out the super glue while Kaiba got onto the Phone with his…uh…computer. (?)

"Hi, Honey?" He said,(He's got an odd relationship going with his computer…) "Yeah, I'll be back by six, want me to pick up anything from the store?"

There was muttering at the end of the line, Kaiba got out a list and muttered "Virus Scanner and….milk… Alright! Oh yeah! One more thing. Why is Kaiba Corp. Advertised on Channel 9? Uh huh. You did? It IS? He WHAT!"

"Is something wrong?" Dartz asked, watching with dismay as Kaiba broke another one of his tea cups.

"TURN THIS FERRY AROUND!" demanded Kaiba, looking murderous as he hung up the phone. "Mokuba's grounded!"

Back from the commercial break Mai was giving the camera a full piece of her mind…which is odd because she was actually just trying to speak to Joey.

"JOEY WHEELER YOU TURN THIS TV OFF THIS INSTANT! Do you understand? I just spent five minutes trying to drag away from the TV screen and I'm getting desperate! Survivor is on in FIVE minutes and If I can't-"

At the mention of Survivor (We don't own survivor) the entire world switched channels to watch it and ratings for Fan Friction immediately plummeted.

"It was worth it," Valon sighed as the show was cut off for gossip on American Idol (We don't own American Idol, phfft! What ever that is), "It was all worth it just to hear Mai's voice."

Joe wasn't paying attention, this season of Survivor was CANNIBALISTIC and he planned to spend the next hour seated firmly at his desk watching it.

Joey blinked as he came out of his trance. Had he just seen Mai on TV? Had she been speaking to him? Was there pop corn in the kitchen? He decided to find out about the latter and with in minutes off having been in the kitchen the fire alarm had gone off and Tristan was lecturing him. Everyone else seemed to have lost interest in the 'Speak your mind' room as well. Of course Pegasus was an exception since he never got bored of talking to a camera about the history of duel monsters. "I'm famished!" Tea said as she walked into the hallway with the others. They all stared blankly back at her.

"Tea," Said Yugi, "Did you just say famished?"

"Yeah," Duke put in, "Who taught you that word?"

"I dunno," Tea blinked, "What's it mean?"

Everybody sighed in relief and proceeded towards the sound of the familiar fire alarm. "That must mean food," Yugi muttered.

As Kaiba ran into the mansion he smelled the smoke, it smelled almost like the mutated ruins of radiated pop corn. "Dammit Tristan!" He growled, "How can you screw up pop corn?" So he took it upon himself to go correct the wronged microwavable food lest Mokuba should eat it and have to be rushed to the emergency room to have his stomach pumped. He entered the kitchen to find that all of the mansion's inhabitants had stuffed themselves inside (they liked to keep a tight group). "Don't even think about it!" Kaiba said as he dragged his brother away just as Mokuba was reaching into the smoking microwavable popcorn bag.

"Nii Sama!" Mokuba said gleefully, "You came back for me! You came back for me! I knew that you wouldn't abandon me! Because you're my brother! And you love me! And you're the best big brother in the-"

"Mokuba, SHUT UP!" Kaiba snapped, he dragged Mokuba all the way out of the kitchen (It was a rather large kitchen) and into the living room where he sat Mokuba on the couch, "Mokuba, what in the world possessed you to have Kaiba Corp. Endorse in Reality Tv?" Mokuba muttered something. "WHAT WAS THAT?" Kaiba asked. Mokuba cowered in fear, but Joey (Who was on a time out as well) peeked over the couch and said "He said 'Oh god, here comes another lecture'..and then he sorta rolled his eyes."

"Stay out of this mutt!" Said Kaiba and Mokuba together. Than Kaiba proceeded in lecturing Mokuba about responsibility, crappy TV shows, Popcorn (He's rather task oriented) and the familiar 'its coming out of your allowance'. When he was done Joey was snoring and Mokuba gave a giggle "You wouldn't lecture me for that long unless you were really worried about me, Nii Sama!"

"Why would I have worried about you?" Kaiba asked. Mokuba's eyes watered.

"Uh, your eyes are leaking," Kaiba said, thoroughly miffed by the emotion, "Do you want money or something?"

"YOU HATE ME!" Mokuba yelled, he got off of the couch and ran away, before he left the living room he wailed, "I'm going to write to Dr. Phil!"

An hour later…DING DONG! The Mary-Sue ran to the door, barking excitedly. "Get out of the way!" Said Kaiba, kicking her aside. He opened the door and groaned. "MOKUBA!" He yelled into the house, "I GOT THE POINT!".

"When you say you've got the point, do you mean that? Or are you just saying that to get rid of me!" Came the Texan voice of Dr. Phil. (Disclaimer: We do not own Dr. Phil… but wouldn't it be cool if we did? No? Oh…okay…) Mokuba came running to the door. "You're here, You're here!" He yelled as he pulled the TV know-it-all into the house. "Now you can fix my life," Mokuba continued, "I'm glad you came on such short notice!"

"When Kaiba Corp. Offers to endorse in my Television show I'm prepared to do anything." Dr. Phil said.

Kaiba went into stressed business-man pose, "Mokuba," He said as he followed his little brother, Dr. Phil and Mary Sue to the couch, "Remember that talk we had earlier?"

"How could I forget?" Mokuba asked, not at all coldly, "Its what inspired this whole visit in the first place!"

"Do you remember what it was about?" Kaiba asked.

"Now you're talking down to him," Dr. Phil interrupted, "And if there's one thing I know about kids its that, at a certain point, they get really irked at being spoken down to."

"How else is he supposed to speak to him?" Asked Joey, who had woken up from his boredom inspired nap, "Kaiba's, like, Eight feet tall!"

"It isn't funny, Joey!" Said Yugi as he joined the audience, "Being short can be really hard on some people!"

"That wasn't what I meant-" Began Dr. Phil, but Tea interrupted him.

"Its like when friends betray your trust," She said, glaring at Ryou.

"You still remember that?" Ryou asked.

"no NO!" Dr. Phil said, "I didn't mean that! What I meant was-"

"We know what you mean!" Said Tristan, "So get on with it already!"

"If you know what he means why are you talking down to him?" Duke snapped.

"Because he's bald!" Tristan said, as if it should be obvious. Everybody stared at Tristan, and his lack of hair.

"BOW DOWN TO ME!" yelled pharaoh, glaring at Dr. Phil who hadn't noticed him yet.

"Now why don't you all just sit down," said Dr. Phil, ignoring the tiny king. "Y'all need to learn to communicate, ya know what I'm saying?"

Duke nodded, dabbing at his eyes, while Tristan simply stared off into space. Mokuba threw a stern look at his brother, and Kaiba rolled his eyes. Ryou clapped his hands together, smiling brightly, as he sat cross legged on the floor with everyone else (except for the Kaiba brothers who Dr. Phil was addressing.)

"Now lets take a look at the letter young Mokuba Kaiba sent me about an hour ago." The screen fades into a sappy video.

"**Dear Dr. Phil." Says Mokuba, his voice shaking. "My brother is being a real Jerk."**

"That's why you came out here!" Hissed Kaiba, to Dr. Phil. "Because he called me a jerk!"

"Now just shush!" said Dr. Phil, "The first step to communicating is listening, and I don't think yer' all are doin such a great job."

"**Recently my brother abandoned me with his fiancée who I barely know, and who is certifiably insane."**

The audience of Yugioh characters gasped.

"**We were on vacation and he just left me, so that he could go back to work."**

"We weren't on vacation!" Kaiba began, Dr. Phil taped his mouth shut.

**Mokuba's voice is now cracking, and he lets out a sob. "so then, I didn't know what to do and suddenly my brother comes storming back telling me that the company's failing… and he blames it all on me."**

The yugioh characters all shook their heads in disbelief.

"That wasn't what I said!" Kaiba exclaimed, ripping the tape from his mouth. "What I meant was that-"

"**My brother also abuses me…" says Mokuba. A shot of Kaiba dragging his brother's limp body around is shown on the screen. There's also a clip of him handing him a vodka banana drink. Not that that has anything to do with abusing him… "Sometimes I just feel so helpless…"**

"I never did that!" Kaiba muttered, though he already knew it was no use. To his relief the video stopped.

"Okay, I'm just gonna stop right here for now," said Dr. Phil. "Cuz we have enough to go on with. Now Seto,"

"What?" Asked Kaiba coldly.

"Do you admit that you've done all of these things? I mean, we have it on video…you saw that right?"

"What's you're point?" muttered Kaiba.

"Seto!" wailed Mokuba, "Just answer the question!"

"Fine, I did most of it… but I never gave him that drink." Kaiba growled. The audience gasped again. "But I think you showed most of that stuff out of context!"

"I was a witness!" said Bakura, raising his hand mischievously. "And he did all of it!"

"You weren't even with us!" Kaiba shouted.

"Alright now, just calm down," said Dr. Phil, "Seto why don't you tell us you're side of the story."

"Fine, first of all that bleep is not my Fiancee'…" He said, pointing to Mary-Sue.

"Setty!" she cried, "How could you? How can you still deny our love? What will I tell our children?"

Once again there was a gasp from the audience. Dr. Phil's eyes widened. "Hold on," he said, stopping Kaiba before he could protest. "Here's a part of the story I didn't know, Mary Sue, would y'all get up here and sit here by Seto."

"What?" cried Kaiba. "But-"

"Again with the listen'n thing," said Dr. Phil. "If you don't quiet down then Joe assured me he'd arrest you."

"Oh god no," sobbed Mary-Sue. "Please Setty, listen to him. You can't go to jail!"

"GET AWAY FROM ME!" Kaiba yelled, shoving her away.

"ABUSE! ABUSE!" Mokuba shouted at the top of his lungs.

"That wasn't abuse! That was self defense!" Kaiba argued.

"Just hang on here!" Dr. Phil said, again struggling to get his patients under control, "Seto Kaiba, are you aware of just how violent you are?"

"Yes I am," Kaiba replied, "I practice in front of a mirror,"

"That's his triumphant smile," Mokuba muttered. Kaiba's face fell into a scowl immediately.

"Uh," Dr. Phil said, blinking at the Kaibas, these people were insane! Even more insane than the usual weirdo's he got, "Well we'll be back right after these messages…JOE! Turn off that camera!"

"Yes sir!" Joe said. The red recording light went off and Valon started to clap.

"That was BRILLIANT! Fan Friction will be back on track in no time!"

"WHAT?" Dr. Phil asked, "Now you're just using me for a few extra viewers?"

"You used the president, Donald Trump and John Kerry," Kaiba put in and then quickly added, "Not that I was watching!"

"Yes you were," Mokuba said, "You're a really big fan!"

"Shut up!" Kaiba said, turning red, "I only watch it because my computer has it on all of the time,"

"You're computer?" Dr. Phil asked.

"The other woman?" Mary Sue asked, her eyes watering.

"I told you I was already taken!" Kaiba snapped. Trying to ignore the laughter that was gathering in the room.

"THIS ISN'T FUNNY!" Roared Mary Sue, "My heart is broken!"

"Should we call an ambulance?" Asked Pharaoh, real concern in his voice.

"GET OFF OF THE STAGE!" Tea yelled, booing them, "Let some one else have a turn!"

"Would you like to get up here, wetter?" Kaiba asked. Tea stopped booing and went off to cry.

"WAIT!" Ryou exclaimed, stopping Tea, "I have something to tell you!"

"What is it?" Tea sniffed. Ryou looked uncomfortably around the room and then whispered something in her ear.

"Don't worry," Tea said brightly when he was finished, "I'll keep your bed wetting a complete secret. HEY! We can have an anonymous group!"

"No no!" Ryou insisted, "I don't do it now-"

"There's no need for excuses, I understand," Tea insisted.

"-And I've definitely never been a wetter!" Bakura said quickly, "Just to clear that up!"

"But it does get annoying when you're Hikari's wake you up in the middle of the night," Pharaoh put in.

"Pharaoh!" Yugi groaned.

"Haven't I told all of you not to drink anything before bed?" Tristan asked.

The entire room was blushing. "Well most of us are way past that," Yugi said.

(TO BE CONTINUED)


	18. You're probably confused

**Previously, on Yugioh: Dr.Phil arrived to solve some brotherly issues... and that really about all. Huh... **

"Every one quiet now!" Dr. Phil interrupted, "We're back on with Alistair (he'd given up on Seto and Mokuba).

"Alistair!" groaned the entire audience.

"And don't forget Mikey!" Scolded Alistair, looking highly offended.

"And Mikey," added Dr. Phil, "Now, since we don't have a video for you two, would ya'll like to tell us what's goin' on?"

"You tell them Mikey." Said Alistair cheerfully, nudging the air next to him.

"No, I meant-" began Dr. Phil.

"Don't interrupt Mikey!"

"Hey Alistair! You're more messed up than me!" Said Kaiba, grinning. Alistair turned red.

"At least I'm a better brother!" He yelled.

"Seto's the best, and you know it!" Mokuba said, completely contradicting what he'd said earlier.

"Mikey!" whined Alistair, suddenly turning to Pharaoh. "Why don't you stand up for me?"

"Wait… so Mikey is real?" asked Dr. Phil, looking confused.

"When you're prepared to make me a decent hot fudge sundae, then I'll stand up for you." Said Pharaoh, crossing his arms as he turned away.

"Hold on Ya'll!" said Dr. Phil, beginning to sound frantic. "Mikey, why don't you come up here and explain the situation for your brother."

"Very well," said Pharoah, whipping a strand of spikey hair out of his face in a snooty, pompous sort of way. "If the viewers want to see the godly Pharaoh then I certainly won't disappoint them."

"But shouldn't I go up there as well?" asked Yugi. "I mean, he is my Yami…"

"Your what?"

"No Yugi! You always want to steal the spot light from me! And you're not even immortal!"

"So?" asked Yugi, "I'm good at playing games…" he trailed off. It was a lousy defense but Pharaoh gave in anyhow.

"Very well…" he sighed heavilly.

"Okay…" Dr. Phil was having a difficult time following all of this. "Now Mikey, tell us what your brother is like…"

"Him?" asked Pharaoh, pointing at Alistair.

"Uh… yes…"

"Oh, he's a complete looney. Send him to the asylum I say!"

"Mikey! That's not very nice!" said Alistair, putting his hands on his hips.

"But it is true!" Pharaoh argued, "Now shut up you crazy person you! I am going to tell them exactly what they want to hear, and YOU!" He shot a glare at Dr. Phil, "Interrupt me and your dead!"

"Now hang on-" Began Dr. Phil.

"THAT'S IT, YOU DIE!" Pharaoh said…again(gee he says that a lot), with that he grabbed Yugi like a sword and attempted to heave the boy into Dr. Phil's chest. (But Pharaoh duels a lot so his Physical strength was rather low…pathetically so)

"Just calm down," Dr. Phil said, "I see a lot of anger in this room so I just want everybody to be quiet and listen politely!"

Suddenly Joey ran up to the couch crying.

"I want to be on TV!" He cried.

"Joey!" Tristan said in embarrassment, coming up to retrieve his…friend, he grabbed him by the arm when-

"Don't hold him like that!" Duke said, running to them and pulling Joey away from Tristan.

"I was holding him just fine!" Tristan argued, "He's a big boy now! He doesn't need to be babied!"

"Oh fine, I see!" Duke sniffed, "You always have to contradict what ever I say!"

"Well I was doing just fine until you came up here and practically attacked me with how I was holding Joey's arm!" Tristan was steaming at the ears…literally.

"Don't start this… not in front of the kids…" Hissed Duke, taking Tristan's hand and trying to lead him off stage.

"Oh! So I started this?" Asked Tristan, yanking his arm free. "You think this is my fault?"

"You're going to scare Joey and Yugi!" Duke said.

"I'm okay." Yugi said, "I don't mind watching you fight. You do it all the time."

Dr. Phil sighed in relief. Finally a situation where he could actually lecture people.

"Meet Duke and Tristan." He said to the camera, as Valon sat Duke and Tristan in two high seated chairs. "They're relationship is falling to pieces because of their fighting. Duke says Tristan's too harsh with the kids, and Tristan says Duke spoils them.

"Do not!" muttered Duke. Tristan quickly shushed him.

"Now lets see what the kids, Yugi and Joey think." said Dr. Phil, pointing to the "kids" who were sitting in two other chairs. "Now Joey, what do you think when they fight?" he asked.

"eh… me?" asked Joey. He'd been waving at the camera and had hardly heard the question. "I guess they can get pretty rough sometimes… hey serenity!" He said to the camera. "Hope you're watch'n cuz I'm on TV!"

"And You?" asked Dr. Phil, turning to Yugi. Yugi had also almost missed the question, due to Pharaoh who was desperately trying to take his place in the chair. "Er…well… uh… PHARAOH! Stop it! Its me he wants to talk to, not you! Um… what was the question again?" He said, as Pharaoh sulked off into the audience.

"How does it affect you when they fight?"

"Well, sometimes they make my head hurt, because they yell so loud. But otherwise I guess it doesn't really. I just leave the room so that I can't hear them anymore, and then I pretend they don't exist."

Dr. Phil's mouth fell open in shock, and the audience (taking this as some sort of cue) all gasped in unison.

"Now, Duke and Tristan. Are y'all hear'n this? Did you know this was how bad you're fighting had become?"

"Its terrible," said Duke, suddenly bursting into tears. "I try and try, but no matter what we do we just end up fighting again."

"And you Tristan?" asked Dr. Phil, leaning forward in his seat.

Tristan shrugged. "Its not really my problem how they react…"

"Typical!" Said Duke, between sobs. "Always thinking about yourself!"

"All I'm saying is that if we wanna fight we can fight. They don't always have to get involved!"

"'Kay, Tristan. I just wanna give you a little bit of a wake up call on this one. What are you think'n?"

"That I'd really like to get off of this stage…"

"Just listen," snapped Dr. Phil. "Now I want you to look into the eyes of these two kids."

"I can't!" said Tristan, in annoyance. "Joey's still looking at the camera and Yugi's disappeared."

"What? Oh, then just look at Joey and tell me what you see."

"Hmmm…" said Tristan, rubbing his chin. "I see a boy staring at a camera, trying to get the attention of his family-"

"Exactly!" said Dr. Phil, sounding exasperated. "He's tryin to get the attention of his family. You and Duke, as his Parents-"

"WHOA!" said Duke and Tristan together. "No, we're not-"

"Duke and I are just-" started Tristan.

"Its not like that!" Duke said, nervously.

"No, we're just Joey's and Yugi's babysitters." Said Tristan.

"Yeah." Agreed Duke. "I don't think they even really have parents."

"Actually I do," said Joey, suddenly turning to them. "But they got divorced when I was just a kid, and tragically separated me and my sister… I thought I told you that already Tristan…"

There was an awkward silence and then…

2 minutes later.

"I don't see whats so funny!" yelled Joey over the uproar of Laughter. "I didn't say ANYTHING about FOOD!"

"Why, what's this?" asked Pegasus, suddenly walking into the room. "Why Dr. Philly-boy!" He said, seeing the Texan, laughing uncontrollably. "How did you get here? And how did this stage get to be here? And… SECURITY GUARD-BOY! I thought I told you not to let anybody but Dartzy-boy on to the island!"

"Yeah but…its Dr. Phil," Joe said, "You can't just NOT let Dr. Phil on to the island,"

"Where is Dartzy-boy anyways?" Asked Pegasus, "I thought he came yesterday,"

meanwhile, somewhere on a creepy island in a creepy temple, Dartz theme music plays and we all await to here what sort of creepy thing Dartz will say next.

"feed great leviathan, no souls today, eat a cheese burger instead."

Yeah… pretty creepy.

"For the last time! This is not Dartzy-boy!" Shouted Pegasus, pointing an accusing finger at Pharaoh.

"But sir," said Joe, awkwardly. "He assured me he was…"

"I am most certainly not!" said the pharaoh. "I am Pharaoh Atem! I am Godly and Daring and um… better than all of you in every single way!"

"Are you listen'n to yourself!" asked Dr. Phil, "I mean… do you hear what you're sayin'?"

"Yes," said Pharaoh, "My hearing appears to be fine…"

"Then, let me just say this. That is the most conceited thang I've ever heard."

"Why does everybody keep on calling me conceited!" Demanded Pharaoh. "I'm just telling you how it is!"

"Oh, so that WAS your profile on the Fanfic site?" Said Valon.

"What!" demanded Yugi. "But those stories all paired me with my Yami! It couldn't have been. Pharaoh would never write something so weird… right?"

There was a silence.

"Right?" he tried again.

"Well… it got reviews." Muttered Pharaoh.

"WHAT?"

"There's a tree over there," Tristan told Dr. Phil, helpfully.

"Argh! I can't take this anymore." Shouted Kaiba. "Mokuba! We are leaving NOW! No excuses! Call Roland, give him the coordinates and tell him to get his ass out here and rescue us already!"

"But Nii Sama!" Mokuba argued, "We haven't resolved our family issues and we never leave an issue unattended to!"

"Some things are better left alone, Mokuba," Kaiba explained, "Especially this island! Now get Roland on the damn phone!"

"You're swearing too much nii sama! The writers are going to have to start bleeping you out!" Mokuba yelled back, "Besides! We've gone through 172 pages of this and nothing has been resolved!"

"Well…I…." Began Kaiba, but even he had to admit that it was strange. Usually they had things wrapped up with in an episode or two…nothing even made sense now. "Fine!" He told Mokuba, he couldn't help it, it was habit, "But we can't stay here for ever! You're losing your mind,"

"No I'm not!" Argued Mokuba, but he had just put his socks on his hands. He saw his hands and screamed at the top of his lungs "THE WORMS! They're going to eat me! Save me Nii Sama! SAVE ME!" But Kaiba was finding it hard to save Mokuba since the boy had begun running frantic circles around the room.

"Save him, Kaiba-boy!" Pegasus said, covering his ears, "His noise isn't pretty!"

"I would NEVER let my little brother get eaten by worms!" Said Alistair, hugging Pharaoh as he said this.

"MOKUBA! Get back here!" Kaiba yelled, as if it would help.

"This isn't the way you should settle things," Came Mary-Sue's voice. She stood next to Kaiba and called to Mokuba "Here Mokuba! We won't hurt you! They're only worms!"

"THEY'RE NOT WORMS!" Kaiba interrupted her, "Those are SOCKS! He's wearing them on his hands and he REALLY needs to get out of here-" He stopped as Mokuba ran towards Mary-Sue…crying.

"There There," Said Mary-Sue, patting him on the back, "You're safe now."

"YAY! HUGS!" Squealed Tea, and pounced on the opportunity.

"How'd you do that?" Demanded Kaiba five minutes later when Mokuba had collapsed with exhaustion.

Mary Sue smiled "I'm perfect I guess,"

Readers gag

"Nobody's THAT perfect," Kaiba muttered.

"He just needed a nap," Laughed Mary-Sue in a very know-it-all fashion.

"A nap?" Kaiba asked, "I didn't even know that Mokuba slept."

As if on some cue Mokuba was suddenly awake again…running around the room. "Uugar, uugar, uugar, uugar, uugar…etc…" He recited…over and over and over..well, you get the point.

"Oh look," Mary-Sue huffed, "Now you've woken up the baby!"

Readers all turn green…why? I don't know…you tell me. You're the green one! Gawd!

When Mary-Sue had slipped Mokuba some sedatives in his Vodka Banana drink everybody had a meeting a decided to leave the island. Even Pegasus agreed "You're ruining my house!" He complained.

So everyone squished onto the Ferry, Joe lost his job and Yugi invited them all for a sleep over at the game shop.

----

**REVIEW!**


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